Whimsy: it is random, spontaneous, and free from forethought. It is not rational. Behavior is whimsical – well, it can be, if allowed…but then, is forethought involved? Is whimsy contemplative? I believe it is.
There are great moments of desire with whimsy. I yearn to be impulsive, capricious and fickle. This comes out in manic choices, frolicking moments and determined time away from predictable reality.
Whimsy is challenging, time intensive, yet breathe taking and lovely.
I have been within its bubble – its protective casing with orchestrated music and movement. It has enveloped my senses, cushioned the scene, and has allowed me to bow my head in humility. Whimsy.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Friday, December 24, 2010
The Gig is Up
In years past, I have been able to pull off Christmas. I have been able to recreate a magic that is almost humanly impossible (in the eyes of my children). The doubt in the magic of Christmas and even Santa Claus was close to nil - until this year. Clearly, the suspicions have housed quietly in thought; but have been kept at bay. I have intently kept the 13 year old in the dark, simply because I knew he would eagerly blow a cover I had so diligently tried to keep up. He would boastly declare to siblings and friends that he knew otherwise. No tact, no masking, no social cues would be had.
The other night, I found a pretty cool "Santa Video" page and I thought I would send it to the 9 year old; who seems to still have the innocent magic driving her dreams. Take a look:
http://www.portablenorthpole.tv/watch/8zcIvtUGgLo2tE7x2_q3aA
She received the email and excitedly (with a hint of "how could this happen....hmmmm) discussed it with the family.
Not an hour later, THE GIG WAS UP.
As both parents were out gathering last minute details to add to the magical day, the 13 year old took the address - portablenothpoletv and logged in. He sent both his mother and father an email from Santa Claus. All the while, showing his sister that the Santa video was all rigged by her mom.
Driving home, i receive the email 'from Santa," and my reaction was mixed. "OH NO!" was first, followed by laughter, followed by, "LUCY!!??"
Getting home, 13 year old shouts from the upstairs, "You have an email from Santa waiting for you!" I slowly walk upstairs and the little girl awaits my arrival. Face forlorn, slumped shoulders, head slightly bowed.
It was time to rally. Even though the car had bags filled with stocking stuffers, it was time to rally. I could not, in good conscience, have it end so abruptly by a 13 year old.
We sat on the couch, snuggled, cried, discussed and then brought the brothers in - whom have since wiped the smirks off their faces, after seeing the affects of their ill thought out plan. They came in, apologized to their little sister and then the discussion began.
Christmas. Magic. Birth of Jesus. Unexplainable moments during the season that even mommy and daddy can't imagine. We talked about the "what will happen if you stop believing in Christmas." I think i got it. I think i handled it (with the grace of God).
The gig was up - and i know the thoughts and questions are inescapable - but bringing her in, as any mother bear would, i have offered her a cushion for the fall.
Thanks for listening.
The other night, I found a pretty cool "Santa Video" page and I thought I would send it to the 9 year old; who seems to still have the innocent magic driving her dreams. Take a look:
http://www.portablenorthpole.tv/watch/8zcIvtUGgLo2tE7x2_q3aA
She received the email and excitedly (with a hint of "how could this happen....hmmmm) discussed it with the family.
Not an hour later, THE GIG WAS UP.
As both parents were out gathering last minute details to add to the magical day, the 13 year old took the address - portablenothpoletv and logged in. He sent both his mother and father an email from Santa Claus. All the while, showing his sister that the Santa video was all rigged by her mom.
Driving home, i receive the email 'from Santa," and my reaction was mixed. "OH NO!" was first, followed by laughter, followed by, "LUCY!!??"
Getting home, 13 year old shouts from the upstairs, "You have an email from Santa waiting for you!" I slowly walk upstairs and the little girl awaits my arrival. Face forlorn, slumped shoulders, head slightly bowed.
It was time to rally. Even though the car had bags filled with stocking stuffers, it was time to rally. I could not, in good conscience, have it end so abruptly by a 13 year old.
We sat on the couch, snuggled, cried, discussed and then brought the brothers in - whom have since wiped the smirks off their faces, after seeing the affects of their ill thought out plan. They came in, apologized to their little sister and then the discussion began.
Christmas. Magic. Birth of Jesus. Unexplainable moments during the season that even mommy and daddy can't imagine. We talked about the "what will happen if you stop believing in Christmas." I think i got it. I think i handled it (with the grace of God).
The gig was up - and i know the thoughts and questions are inescapable - but bringing her in, as any mother bear would, i have offered her a cushion for the fall.
Thanks for listening.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Okay...Bye
Is it social skills, lack of parenting technique, teenage brain syndrome or simply, Perry? Sometimes I wonder, when he leaves the house, will he ever return?
Our telephone conversations:
"Hi Mom. I was wondering if I could invite a friend over?"
"That sounds fine - (fill in with miscellaneous mom stuff) Is everything okay at the house?"
"Ya."
"Alright, then, I should be home shortly. I love you."
" Okay. Bye"
click
"Hi Mom, Simon wants to know if he can invite Sam over?"
"That's okay with me - but is the baby still asleep?"
"Ya."
"You guys would have to be really quiet, if he comes over."
"I know."
"Well, I am on my way home, and should be there soon. Thanks for babysitting and being responsible. I love you."
"Okay. Bye"
click
"Hi Perry - how is your road trip going with dad?"
"Good."
"Are you and dad keeping each other company?"
"I guess."
"How many hours do you think you have left to drive?"
"I dunno."
"Why don't you hand the phone over to dad. Hey - I love you and miss you. The house is pretty quiet."
"Okay. Bye."
click
"Mom, can you pick me up a pack of AA batteries?"
"Sure. Anything else?"
"Ya, can you also get me something to snack on?"
"Give me examples?"
"I dunno. Something I would like."
"I think i can do that. Anything else?"
"Nope. Bye."
Click
Our telephone conversations:
"Hi Mom. I was wondering if I could invite a friend over?"
"That sounds fine - (fill in with miscellaneous mom stuff) Is everything okay at the house?"
"Ya."
"Alright, then, I should be home shortly. I love you."
" Okay. Bye"
click
"Hi Mom, Simon wants to know if he can invite Sam over?"
"That's okay with me - but is the baby still asleep?"
"Ya."
"You guys would have to be really quiet, if he comes over."
"I know."
"Well, I am on my way home, and should be there soon. Thanks for babysitting and being responsible. I love you."
"Okay. Bye"
click
"Hi Perry - how is your road trip going with dad?"
"Good."
"Are you and dad keeping each other company?"
"I guess."
"How many hours do you think you have left to drive?"
"I dunno."
"Why don't you hand the phone over to dad. Hey - I love you and miss you. The house is pretty quiet."
"Okay. Bye."
click
"Mom, can you pick me up a pack of AA batteries?"
"Sure. Anything else?"
"Ya, can you also get me something to snack on?"
"Give me examples?"
"I dunno. Something I would like."
"I think i can do that. Anything else?"
"Nope. Bye."
Click
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Quick Dodge Left....now Right.....
I grew up on video games. I sold my siblings out for money for video games. I spent the greater part of my pre-teen years in store fronts that housed any unit of 25 cent entertainment. I am armored with the skill of the game and house within, a lexicon of movements, agendas, quick hand maneuvers and Atari like quickness that can outdraw even the finest of gamers.
Often, I laugh at my own real life video game scenarios. My children will laugh with me as i detail my drive home as if it were my very own video game and we make up the agenda..."Oh, there is the old lady crossing the street that we always hit....and the three legged dog that we will let pass....and the tree branch that we *always* have to dodge - even though we hit the poor kid in the wheel chair - mainly a casualty of point deduction.
Tonight, again, I revisited Katie's realistic video game. Tonight was the Twin's Christmas Party. As I have said in the past, much of this organization's employees have been around years before my husband had ever even joined. For instance, tonight, we celebrated a couple of 25 year'ers as well as a 45 year'er. It is a place where we have grown - literally: children, spouses, families, careers, venues, and domains, it's a place of connection...and to miss it would clearly bring upon a feeling of loss.
Again, our babysitter cancelled. We have a 13 year old who confidentially assured us he was capable of the job. On a test drive 24 hours prior, he flunked. I came to the conclusion, i was not to go -- meaning, that all other activity for the evening was on: Choir, 6th grade party at church and even an 8th grade party at church (which was cancelled by mother on account of missing assignments at school).
Twins party began at 6:15 and dinner to be served at 7:30. On the drive home from choir practice (6:30), the 21 month old yawned 3 times on the 1 mile trek. "Could I possibly wing this?" I thought. "Could I set him down upon arrival and leave when all is quiet? Hmmm...perhaps." The wheels began to turn, the text messages to husband commenced and the outfit was picked and splayed upon the bed.
The 25 cents was placed within the slot, the intro music surrounded the scene and the game began.
First Obstacle: Get baby down - calmly. Follow the routine....tedious 21 month old routine - don't skip anything, or you will be caught. Don't give any hints away. Act as if nothing is happening. So far so good. I might be able to make dinner by 7:30 (downtown).
Second Obstacle: Get 11 year old home from church. Called friend. No answer. Called cell phone - no answer. Called her husband cell phone... no answer. Tried all three again.....no answer.
Third Obstacle: dress. I have let my house go. I have not been within the frame of mind to keep up within the daily grind and the biggest victim calls upon my bedroom. All laundry has been dumped - literally dumped. Baskets sit upon baskets. Clothes spatter about the floor. My shirt was somewhere within the pile. One boot was here, the other was somewhere. The tank top was .....where was that tank top? The clothes once gathered in a pile were now strewn upon the bed, upon the floor, hanging from the fan, glued to the window, draped over the TV, hanging from the door knob....in frenzied desperation, i needed a shirt, a missing boot and some tights. AH - the tights.....i found the tights. I squeezed into them, only to realize that there was a tiny hole at the back of the knee. nope - take off the tights. Successfully find another pair. tank top gets gathered at the top of the chest and caught within bra strap.
I yank a couple of times before I realize that I need to slow down and unlease it from the strap. Bra shows too much, i need to take off tank top, take off bra and get another one. One the bed? On the fan? over the TV? In the closet? Where was that bra???? WHERE IS THE BRA!!??
Remember that I still have to get 11 year old home. Called friend. No answer. Called cell phone - no answer. Called her husband cell phone... no answer. Tried all three again.....ah, answer. YES, she can bring him home!!! Obstacle diverted...500 points!
I tell 13 year old that all is quiet and I am really going to try to make this work. It is now 6:55. My tights are changed, i am dressed, my hair is.....well, my hair just is. and I say good bye and ....well...with all good video game systems, it just can't be that easy. I have somehow reached the next level of difficulty. The baby begins to call out my name and he sees me in the hallway tip toeing towards the door (not good). I go in to get him a bottle and re-live his already committed bedtime routine from before. As I enter, the room is filled with a familiar smell. This baby has not messed his diaper at this particular time of night for at least 6 months. WHY NOW? It STINKS! I pull him out, take off the dirty diaper, and clean him up. There is no turning back. he is now out of his crib, out of his routine and in need of holding, cuddling, playing, etc. There is no way he is going back in the crib. I text my husband --- now irate that the ultimate plan is not working. I share some very unflattering language on my behalf and he and his group of co-workers get a good laugh at my decoratively flavored text messages. I was not going to make it. Too many obstacles. I resigned. But just as I do - the baby seems to quiet down. Seems to encourage a bedtime ritual once again. I put him down and quickly go through the motions. He is quiet.
Some how I dodge here and I dodge there and the babe goes down. Not sure how - but he did! Meanwhile, husband is apologizing on the behalf of me missing the party ( at the new ball park, by the way, in a swanky club for ticket holders). I text back, "DO NOT rule me out just yet!"
Obstacle 4 - Traffic
I begin to leave. Thinking this is the last thing i have to worry about. I back out of the driveway and get stuck at the bottom. The snow was recently plowed and a pile was at the bottom of our driveway. I make it through and navigate our neighborhood streets. Turn onto the main part of the road, right behind another vehicle going literally 10MPH. As much as I wanted to honk the horn and yell out the window, i remained composed. The freeway was full of seasonal traffic - but made it downtown in record time. I round the corner and as i turn on my blinker to turn right into Target Field, i was greeted by a very large and very closed front gate. I texted john, "SOMEBODY TRULY DOES NOT WANT ME TO BE HERE TONIGHT!!!" he tells me that he has called security and the gate should be opened soon. Before my eyes met the period at the end of the sentence, the gate unassumingly opened. I was in the parking lot. I was within minutes of a night out. Text: "Please order me a very big drink!"
We sat at a table with john's colleagues and I sat right next to a women whom I know. Her son is in the same grade as Perry. Attends the same school. Is in some of the same classes. Runs cross country and is a classic teenager. We were able to share our own stories of "WHAT?" "HOW?" and "I TRULY DO NOT UNDERSTAND YOU" moments over a couple of glasses of wine. The windowed Metropolitan Club looked out over the city as well as the ball field. Upon the big jumbo field screen (outside), a video of a fireplace and lit fire scene set the ambiance. A couple glasses of wine, some great conversation, a wonderful program and moments of, "Man, my husband is so happy to be here," filled my soul. I made it through all the video game obstacles and was able to share in periods of familial camaraderie within this organization that has been well apart of our lives for the past 17 years.
Thanks for listening.
Katie
Often, I laugh at my own real life video game scenarios. My children will laugh with me as i detail my drive home as if it were my very own video game and we make up the agenda..."Oh, there is the old lady crossing the street that we always hit....and the three legged dog that we will let pass....and the tree branch that we *always* have to dodge - even though we hit the poor kid in the wheel chair - mainly a casualty of point deduction.
Tonight, again, I revisited Katie's realistic video game. Tonight was the Twin's Christmas Party. As I have said in the past, much of this organization's employees have been around years before my husband had ever even joined. For instance, tonight, we celebrated a couple of 25 year'ers as well as a 45 year'er. It is a place where we have grown - literally: children, spouses, families, careers, venues, and domains, it's a place of connection...and to miss it would clearly bring upon a feeling of loss.
Again, our babysitter cancelled. We have a 13 year old who confidentially assured us he was capable of the job. On a test drive 24 hours prior, he flunked. I came to the conclusion, i was not to go -- meaning, that all other activity for the evening was on: Choir, 6th grade party at church and even an 8th grade party at church (which was cancelled by mother on account of missing assignments at school).
Twins party began at 6:15 and dinner to be served at 7:30. On the drive home from choir practice (6:30), the 21 month old yawned 3 times on the 1 mile trek. "Could I possibly wing this?" I thought. "Could I set him down upon arrival and leave when all is quiet? Hmmm...perhaps." The wheels began to turn, the text messages to husband commenced and the outfit was picked and splayed upon the bed.
The 25 cents was placed within the slot, the intro music surrounded the scene and the game began.
First Obstacle: Get baby down - calmly. Follow the routine....tedious 21 month old routine - don't skip anything, or you will be caught. Don't give any hints away. Act as if nothing is happening. So far so good. I might be able to make dinner by 7:30 (downtown).
Second Obstacle: Get 11 year old home from church. Called friend. No answer. Called cell phone - no answer. Called her husband cell phone... no answer. Tried all three again.....no answer.
Third Obstacle: dress. I have let my house go. I have not been within the frame of mind to keep up within the daily grind and the biggest victim calls upon my bedroom. All laundry has been dumped - literally dumped. Baskets sit upon baskets. Clothes spatter about the floor. My shirt was somewhere within the pile. One boot was here, the other was somewhere. The tank top was .....where was that tank top? The clothes once gathered in a pile were now strewn upon the bed, upon the floor, hanging from the fan, glued to the window, draped over the TV, hanging from the door knob....in frenzied desperation, i needed a shirt, a missing boot and some tights. AH - the tights.....i found the tights. I squeezed into them, only to realize that there was a tiny hole at the back of the knee. nope - take off the tights. Successfully find another pair. tank top gets gathered at the top of the chest and caught within bra strap.
I yank a couple of times before I realize that I need to slow down and unlease it from the strap. Bra shows too much, i need to take off tank top, take off bra and get another one. One the bed? On the fan? over the TV? In the closet? Where was that bra???? WHERE IS THE BRA!!??
Remember that I still have to get 11 year old home. Called friend. No answer. Called cell phone - no answer. Called her husband cell phone... no answer. Tried all three again.....ah, answer. YES, she can bring him home!!! Obstacle diverted...500 points!
I tell 13 year old that all is quiet and I am really going to try to make this work. It is now 6:55. My tights are changed, i am dressed, my hair is.....well, my hair just is. and I say good bye and ....well...with all good video game systems, it just can't be that easy. I have somehow reached the next level of difficulty. The baby begins to call out my name and he sees me in the hallway tip toeing towards the door (not good). I go in to get him a bottle and re-live his already committed bedtime routine from before. As I enter, the room is filled with a familiar smell. This baby has not messed his diaper at this particular time of night for at least 6 months. WHY NOW? It STINKS! I pull him out, take off the dirty diaper, and clean him up. There is no turning back. he is now out of his crib, out of his routine and in need of holding, cuddling, playing, etc. There is no way he is going back in the crib. I text my husband --- now irate that the ultimate plan is not working. I share some very unflattering language on my behalf and he and his group of co-workers get a good laugh at my decoratively flavored text messages. I was not going to make it. Too many obstacles. I resigned. But just as I do - the baby seems to quiet down. Seems to encourage a bedtime ritual once again. I put him down and quickly go through the motions. He is quiet.
Some how I dodge here and I dodge there and the babe goes down. Not sure how - but he did! Meanwhile, husband is apologizing on the behalf of me missing the party ( at the new ball park, by the way, in a swanky club for ticket holders). I text back, "DO NOT rule me out just yet!"
Obstacle 4 - Traffic
I begin to leave. Thinking this is the last thing i have to worry about. I back out of the driveway and get stuck at the bottom. The snow was recently plowed and a pile was at the bottom of our driveway. I make it through and navigate our neighborhood streets. Turn onto the main part of the road, right behind another vehicle going literally 10MPH. As much as I wanted to honk the horn and yell out the window, i remained composed. The freeway was full of seasonal traffic - but made it downtown in record time. I round the corner and as i turn on my blinker to turn right into Target Field, i was greeted by a very large and very closed front gate. I texted john, "SOMEBODY TRULY DOES NOT WANT ME TO BE HERE TONIGHT!!!" he tells me that he has called security and the gate should be opened soon. Before my eyes met the period at the end of the sentence, the gate unassumingly opened. I was in the parking lot. I was within minutes of a night out. Text: "Please order me a very big drink!"
We sat at a table with john's colleagues and I sat right next to a women whom I know. Her son is in the same grade as Perry. Attends the same school. Is in some of the same classes. Runs cross country and is a classic teenager. We were able to share our own stories of "WHAT?" "HOW?" and "I TRULY DO NOT UNDERSTAND YOU" moments over a couple of glasses of wine. The windowed Metropolitan Club looked out over the city as well as the ball field. Upon the big jumbo field screen (outside), a video of a fireplace and lit fire scene set the ambiance. A couple glasses of wine, some great conversation, a wonderful program and moments of, "Man, my husband is so happy to be here," filled my soul. I made it through all the video game obstacles and was able to share in periods of familial camaraderie within this organization that has been well apart of our lives for the past 17 years.
Thanks for listening.
Katie
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Boston Tea Party
For my 8th grader's final project in social studies for the Revolutionary War study, he has decided to write a song and sing about the Boston Tea Party. Presently, his father is on his left and I am on his right...working with him singing his lyrics into a computer and matching it with the song he has chosen --it is a rap song that he has chosen because he said it was easy to match with a simple melody and he mentioned that most people in his class are familiar with it. He is doing quite well and when it is all done i will see if i can attach a file...or maybe even get it on Youtube
Youtube song with lyrics - it would be helpful to watch this first to understand how he arranged his lyrics.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zq6Y1clwPI4
I’m going to the Tea- Party
It all happened in 1773
Men disguised themselves as Mohawk Indians
It was done to protest the king
The Sons of Liberty all came to the party-party
The party, party, party…Wa-hoo
It’s the Boston Party
342 chests of tea were dumped
King George the III was the king at this time
The British admiral watched the whole thing at this time
Paul Revere was a simple part of this crime
Coffee means patriot
Tea means Tory
They sang a son while dumping the tea
They and robbed three ships
60 men were a part of it
I know the Sons of Liberty organized all of it
So c’mon, let’s go and throw some tea over board
C’mon don’t worry
Everyone will help tonight
There were also two tea parties
One for 9/11 and one in ‘73
The company lost 40,000 E
I’m going to the tea-party
It all happened in 1773
Men disguised themselves as Mohawk Indians
It was done to protest against the king
the Sons of Liberty all came to the party, party, par-ty
the tea –tea party, the party…Wa-hoo
Its the Boston Party
2000 watched the party
Colonists rejoiced all the time
there was no resistance any of the time
It stirred rage and admiration
one tried to steal some tea
He was punished severely
it was forbidden to unload the boat named Dartmouth
John Adams praised them for their hard work and laobor
It would not have happened if the ships left December 17
There were 2000 chests with 600,000 pounds
Samuel Adams tried to stop it
But the colonists said no and took themselves upon it
The Beaver wasn’t touched, nor was the Dartmouth
the British were appalled of this act with the tea
I’m going to the tea-party
It all happened in 1773
Men disguised themselves as Mohawk Indians
It was done to protest against the king
the Sons of Liberty all came to the party, party, par-ty
the tea –tea party, the party, party, party…Wa-hoo
Its the Boston Party
The Boston Tea Party!!
Youtube song with lyrics - it would be helpful to watch this first to understand how he arranged his lyrics.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zq6Y1clwPI4
I’m going to the Tea- Party
It all happened in 1773
Men disguised themselves as Mohawk Indians
It was done to protest the king
The Sons of Liberty all came to the party-party
The party, party, party…Wa-hoo
It’s the Boston Party
342 chests of tea were dumped
King George the III was the king at this time
The British admiral watched the whole thing at this time
Paul Revere was a simple part of this crime
Coffee means patriot
Tea means Tory
They sang a son while dumping the tea
They and robbed three ships
60 men were a part of it
I know the Sons of Liberty organized all of it
So c’mon, let’s go and throw some tea over board
C’mon don’t worry
Everyone will help tonight
There were also two tea parties
One for 9/11 and one in ‘73
The company lost 40,000 E
I’m going to the tea-party
It all happened in 1773
Men disguised themselves as Mohawk Indians
It was done to protest against the king
the Sons of Liberty all came to the party, party, par-ty
the tea –tea party, the party…Wa-hoo
Its the Boston Party
2000 watched the party
Colonists rejoiced all the time
there was no resistance any of the time
It stirred rage and admiration
one tried to steal some tea
He was punished severely
it was forbidden to unload the boat named Dartmouth
John Adams praised them for their hard work and laobor
It would not have happened if the ships left December 17
There were 2000 chests with 600,000 pounds
Samuel Adams tried to stop it
But the colonists said no and took themselves upon it
The Beaver wasn’t touched, nor was the Dartmouth
the British were appalled of this act with the tea
I’m going to the tea-party
It all happened in 1773
Men disguised themselves as Mohawk Indians
It was done to protest against the king
the Sons of Liberty all came to the party, party, par-ty
the tea –tea party, the party, party, party…Wa-hoo
Its the Boston Party
The Boston Tea Party!!
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Discussions
Discussions with a Teenager
1. Between Father and Son
“Perry, did you turn in your English assignment today?”
“No”
“Can I ask Why?”
“Umm, because I didn’t think about it.”
“Can you turn it in tomorrow?”
“I don’t have English tomorrow.”
“But, can you turn it in tomorrow? Will you see your English teacher?”
“Umm, I told you, I don’t have English tomorrow.”
“Will you pass by her classroom tomorrow, hand it in and get some credit for it?”
“I suppose I could give it to her, we’ll see. I probably won’t, though.”
“Is it important to you to stay on top of your classes.”
“I guess.”
2. Between Mother and Son
“Mom, can I get my haircut this week?”
“Yep – maybe a day after school – just remind me.”
(Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday all go by and teenager decides to play, watch a movie, and hang out instead.”
Wednesday evening
“Mom, can you take me tomorrow morning before school to get my haircut?”
“Yes, I would be willing to do this, IF you get up on your own before 7am so we can get there when it opens and get back home for the bus.”
“Okay.”
Thursday morning, Perry does not make his way up the stairs until 7:02 – begins to eat breakfast, etc. I stay in my pjs, as I assume there will be no trip to the barber this morning
At 7:15 (he leaves for the bus at 7:13), I am still in my pjs and say, “You better get your stuff on and get out the door.”
“What!? You said you’d take me to get my haircut and then take me to school! Now I am going to miss the bus!”
In complete aggravation, I take him to get his hair cut and get home just in time to change a dirty diaper, order daughter to get out of her pjs and in clothes so that we may get back in the car for piano lessons.
3. Between Mother and Son
“Remember that your regions packet in Science is now 3 weeks past due. PLEASE get a copy from your teacher so you can get it done tonight and hand it in this week.”
“Okay, I will.”
Back home in the afternoon
“Well, did you get a copy of your packet?”
“no.”
“Why not?”
“Because the teacher never said anything about it.”
4. Between Mother and Son
“Remember that your regions packet is now 4 weeks past due. Tonight is conferences. We will see your teacher. Can you get a copy today, bring it home and I will help you with it. MAKE YOURSELF PROUD and do this as a Christmas gift to your mother…PLEEEAAASSSEEE”
Home and playing legos
“So, where is your packet?”
“I didn’t get it.”
“Perry, can you please tell me why?”
Silent
“Perry – I need a sound reason.”
“I’m thinking.”
“I will wait.”
“Well, I got in there and we had a quiz, so I decided to just focus on that instead.”
“Where is the notebook that you were supposed to bring home today?”
“In my locker.”
“WHY?”
“Because I won’t need it tonight.”
(notebook – also missing a notebook check. I offered to help him get it all together so he can show his teacher. It SITS in the boys locker day in and day out)
5. Between Father and Son
“Perry, tell me about these vocabulary flascards that you needed to turn in at the beginning of the week?”
“Uh, well, I *did* the cards but she said she didn’t get them.”
“So, what do you think happened?”
“I don’t know.”
“Okay, so, tonight, I will sit with you at the table and you will get through these cards again.”
“I already *did* the cards.”
“But your teacher has marked you down as missing the assignment, so, let’s quickly get through the assignment.”
“I *did* the assignment. She just can’t find it.”
“So, wouldn’t it be better for you to go into class tomorrow with the 5 flash cards and present them to her for a full count of the grade.”
“Maybe.”
“Okay, let’s start.”
The boy then decides to ignore all else his father says and puts on the silent treatment. This goes on for over an hour until mom comes home, realizes what is going on and loses it with her son for the blatant disrespect for his father.
6. Between Mother and Son
Teenager had an assignment due in Tech Ed on November 12. Because he never turned this in and there was only one additional graded assignemnt, he had a 35% in the class. Continuously, I reminded him about getting the assignment from his Tech Ed teacher. On December 6, the boy finally decided to get the assignment, gets through it in less than 10 minutes and turns it in the following day - December 7. That afternoon, he comes home, runs up the stairs and says...
"Mom! I have a 97% in my tech ed class. That's an A!"
"I beg to differ with you my boy.....I have an A in tech ed!"
DAILY…DAILY….DAILY
1. Between Father and Son
“Perry, did you turn in your English assignment today?”
“No”
“Can I ask Why?”
“Umm, because I didn’t think about it.”
“Can you turn it in tomorrow?”
“I don’t have English tomorrow.”
“But, can you turn it in tomorrow? Will you see your English teacher?”
“Umm, I told you, I don’t have English tomorrow.”
“Will you pass by her classroom tomorrow, hand it in and get some credit for it?”
“I suppose I could give it to her, we’ll see. I probably won’t, though.”
“Is it important to you to stay on top of your classes.”
“I guess.”
2. Between Mother and Son
“Mom, can I get my haircut this week?”
“Yep – maybe a day after school – just remind me.”
(Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday all go by and teenager decides to play, watch a movie, and hang out instead.”
Wednesday evening
“Mom, can you take me tomorrow morning before school to get my haircut?”
“Yes, I would be willing to do this, IF you get up on your own before 7am so we can get there when it opens and get back home for the bus.”
“Okay.”
Thursday morning, Perry does not make his way up the stairs until 7:02 – begins to eat breakfast, etc. I stay in my pjs, as I assume there will be no trip to the barber this morning
At 7:15 (he leaves for the bus at 7:13), I am still in my pjs and say, “You better get your stuff on and get out the door.”
“What!? You said you’d take me to get my haircut and then take me to school! Now I am going to miss the bus!”
In complete aggravation, I take him to get his hair cut and get home just in time to change a dirty diaper, order daughter to get out of her pjs and in clothes so that we may get back in the car for piano lessons.
3. Between Mother and Son
“Remember that your regions packet in Science is now 3 weeks past due. PLEASE get a copy from your teacher so you can get it done tonight and hand it in this week.”
“Okay, I will.”
Back home in the afternoon
“Well, did you get a copy of your packet?”
“no.”
“Why not?”
“Because the teacher never said anything about it.”
4. Between Mother and Son
“Remember that your regions packet is now 4 weeks past due. Tonight is conferences. We will see your teacher. Can you get a copy today, bring it home and I will help you with it. MAKE YOURSELF PROUD and do this as a Christmas gift to your mother…PLEEEAAASSSEEE”
Home and playing legos
“So, where is your packet?”
“I didn’t get it.”
“Perry, can you please tell me why?”
Silent
“Perry – I need a sound reason.”
“I’m thinking.”
“I will wait.”
“Well, I got in there and we had a quiz, so I decided to just focus on that instead.”
“Where is the notebook that you were supposed to bring home today?”
“In my locker.”
“WHY?”
“Because I won’t need it tonight.”
(notebook – also missing a notebook check. I offered to help him get it all together so he can show his teacher. It SITS in the boys locker day in and day out)
5. Between Father and Son
“Perry, tell me about these vocabulary flascards that you needed to turn in at the beginning of the week?”
“Uh, well, I *did* the cards but she said she didn’t get them.”
“So, what do you think happened?”
“I don’t know.”
“Okay, so, tonight, I will sit with you at the table and you will get through these cards again.”
“I already *did* the cards.”
“But your teacher has marked you down as missing the assignment, so, let’s quickly get through the assignment.”
“I *did* the assignment. She just can’t find it.”
“So, wouldn’t it be better for you to go into class tomorrow with the 5 flash cards and present them to her for a full count of the grade.”
“Maybe.”
“Okay, let’s start.”
The boy then decides to ignore all else his father says and puts on the silent treatment. This goes on for over an hour until mom comes home, realizes what is going on and loses it with her son for the blatant disrespect for his father.
6. Between Mother and Son
Teenager had an assignment due in Tech Ed on November 12. Because he never turned this in and there was only one additional graded assignemnt, he had a 35% in the class. Continuously, I reminded him about getting the assignment from his Tech Ed teacher. On December 6, the boy finally decided to get the assignment, gets through it in less than 10 minutes and turns it in the following day - December 7. That afternoon, he comes home, runs up the stairs and says...
"Mom! I have a 97% in my tech ed class. That's an A!"
"I beg to differ with you my boy.....I have an A in tech ed!"
DAILY…DAILY….DAILY
Monday, December 6, 2010
Split
Split Personality
My first sentence is not very productive; but it cuts to the chase of my confliction. At times I am envious.
I am envious of mindless banter between people. I am envious of parents who only see light and goodness and perfection in their offspring. I am envious of people who know a TV line up. I am envious of those who are shielded and lack complaint. I am envious of those who immerse themselves within the enormity of this world, the goodness of this world. I am envious of answers and new beginnings. I’m envious of those who have not lived through teenage hood yet. I’m envious of Mt. Everest – daunting, laughing, unattainable – yet complete, strong, and knowledgeable.
Envy is not productive. And at times, I am absent of such ugliness. Tonight, with a tight neck, bruised chest muscles and intentional gaze out the window….I am in the thick.
I have written journals to my children – before they were born, during their toddling and diaper changing years and documented preschool and elementary moments. Specked within are conversations of the job I have as a mother – the serious, time consuming and all sacrificing job I have as their mother.. I have noted that my life was not to be extraordinary, but I was destined to be the mom of 4 children and I was passionate about being the best mom I could/can be.
I am envious of good and decent mothers.
Troublesome at best
I am banging my head against the wall in continual slow motion replay.
My children will prosper into adulthood in spite of their parents; but what will they bring on this journey?
My first sentence is not very productive; but it cuts to the chase of my confliction. At times I am envious.
I am envious of mindless banter between people. I am envious of parents who only see light and goodness and perfection in their offspring. I am envious of people who know a TV line up. I am envious of those who are shielded and lack complaint. I am envious of those who immerse themselves within the enormity of this world, the goodness of this world. I am envious of answers and new beginnings. I’m envious of those who have not lived through teenage hood yet. I’m envious of Mt. Everest – daunting, laughing, unattainable – yet complete, strong, and knowledgeable.
Envy is not productive. And at times, I am absent of such ugliness. Tonight, with a tight neck, bruised chest muscles and intentional gaze out the window….I am in the thick.
I have written journals to my children – before they were born, during their toddling and diaper changing years and documented preschool and elementary moments. Specked within are conversations of the job I have as a mother – the serious, time consuming and all sacrificing job I have as their mother.. I have noted that my life was not to be extraordinary, but I was destined to be the mom of 4 children and I was passionate about being the best mom I could/can be.
I am envious of good and decent mothers.
Troublesome at best
I am banging my head against the wall in continual slow motion replay.
My children will prosper into adulthood in spite of their parents; but what will they bring on this journey?
Monday, November 15, 2010
In Reflection
I sit on this couch in warmth and comfort and type on my computer. My dining table is no longer littered with candles and my daughter has a well lit place to write. My son's jacket sits on the hearth, the dryer is heard, running through it's cycle and in the distance, the fridge hums in content.
70 hours have gone by without power. Dishes piled up, wood was burned, candles decorated the house and blankets were wrapped around bodies. As john was in florida, the 5 of us spent two long evenings in the dark. We spent three mornings in the bleak and cold and at night, used flashlights to navigate our way to the bathrooms and bedrooms.
This morning, I awakened Perry at 6:30. I lit the candles, made the hot chocolate helped him get ready for school. After he left, i told the kids we were going to go to Caribou for our school morning -- the lights will be on, it will be warm and it will be a nice change. We were not the only ones there escaping. The buzz from tables was evident. A large percentage of the patrons were all talking about their individual stories of endurance. It's not that I am thankful for modern technology or just now realizing that I cannot live without my computer or microwave -- but it takes a range of ingenuity to live through what normally you take for granted. We ate meals in house --- cooking by candle light, we bundled up, we kept a fire going all day - collecting wood when necessary, convened in one to two rooms, instead of spreading ourselves thin about the house, we (or I) relaxed and settled on the couch more (I had in mind to repaint the playroom while john was away - but the basement was freezing and dark and now I have lost my momentum) and we were all in bed by 8pm in the pitch blackness. My frozen vegetables defrosted, my sour cream went bad, my hamburger turned brown and my kitchen smelled like something had died.
We are back. Lights on. Heat on. Dishes washing.
Goodness.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Kublai and Making It Work
This isn't an ordinary year - i have driven this point 8 feet under ground; and yet, we are still here, still working through our days and still laughing.
I am settling into a regular schedule and honestly, did not see this happening. but, satisfied, content and feel that learning is ultimately taking place. We are home...HOME. We do not go anywhere special and work through Kublai's routine. When traveling through history, we often bestow upon Sidney the newest of nicknames the denote something beastly in nature (smile). The latest was Kublai Khan...the tyrannical Mongolian Emperor after Genghis.
Typical Daily Schedule:
*Piano first practice first thing in the morning before school
*Critical Thinking and Logic exercises (to wake up the brain). This comes in a variety of forms: Computer, Exercise Books, Weekly Word Problems.
*Math: 2 math text books - one at grade level and one above
*Editing Skills: Computer program that works through editing a paragraph. Each get to play a quick computer game upon completing it successful.
Kublai goes down for his nap and I rally the kids onto the couch - we wrap ourselves in blankets if need be, i get my coffee, they get their cider and we begin
*Story of the World: curriculum text book that I read from in story form - i find it to be an excellent resource. This week, we have learned and discussed: Ivan the Great and Ivan the Terrible (Lucy will be doing a report on Ivan the Terrible and Simon will be doing something on the Silk Road), and took a video trip to the Kremlin. The Ottoman Turks and their attack/capture of Constantinople (our personal favorite story and place to always talk about and learn.) We visited the now, Istanbul through a couple of tourists' YouTube videos; cool to see the same standing buildings 600 years later, and yesterday, we talked about the "Black Death" that swept all over - killing multitudes.
*Writing: All experience in writing have come from an outstanding book I bought in northern Minnesota - We just finished reading it on Thursday and I was sad to see it go --- literally cried at the end of the book and Lucy had to finish the last two pages.
*Read Aloud - currently reading SCAT - a book that ultimately gives kids the power to make huge change.
Then the kids are back to their work - and I am around to help until Sidney awakes.
*How will I Change the World: Independent project due in December. Simon and Lucy are required to design their own service project - research, make contact and execute. I am helping by supplying the baby steps needed to make it to the end. Currently Simon is thinking of doing something with the Chilean Minors and Lucy is making notebooks for patients in hospitals.
*CNN Student News: This is a 10 minute news story put on by CNN and geared for students. Lucy and Simon have a "Student News" notebook and put the date down each day, write about a key story and give a brief description of another story of choice. At night, at dinner, john will typically ask, "What's in the news today, kids?" By the end of the year, they will have a complete notebook of the years events.
*Cursive
*SSR - There are 2 SSR periods during the day. One is reading time in books that I have chosen for them - presently Lucy is reading the Little Princess and Simon is finishing up The Lord of the Rings...i need to get him another book this weekend. The other period is called "Box Time" where i have a variety of book choices that really has no match or bearing on what we are learning - but books of interest that I have found during library visits.
The day is specked with other agenda items - but this is typical and again, working out well for us......for the time being.
So, It is a quieter year than in the past and I am learning to like it. Expectations are still set in place, but they are attainable --- fantastically wonderful for all!!!
Thanks for listening.
I am settling into a regular schedule and honestly, did not see this happening. but, satisfied, content and feel that learning is ultimately taking place. We are home...HOME. We do not go anywhere special and work through Kublai's routine. When traveling through history, we often bestow upon Sidney the newest of nicknames the denote something beastly in nature (smile). The latest was Kublai Khan...the tyrannical Mongolian Emperor after Genghis.
Typical Daily Schedule:
*Piano first practice first thing in the morning before school
*Critical Thinking and Logic exercises (to wake up the brain). This comes in a variety of forms: Computer, Exercise Books, Weekly Word Problems.
*Math: 2 math text books - one at grade level and one above
*Editing Skills: Computer program that works through editing a paragraph. Each get to play a quick computer game upon completing it successful.
Kublai goes down for his nap and I rally the kids onto the couch - we wrap ourselves in blankets if need be, i get my coffee, they get their cider and we begin
*Story of the World: curriculum text book that I read from in story form - i find it to be an excellent resource. This week, we have learned and discussed: Ivan the Great and Ivan the Terrible (Lucy will be doing a report on Ivan the Terrible and Simon will be doing something on the Silk Road), and took a video trip to the Kremlin. The Ottoman Turks and their attack/capture of Constantinople (our personal favorite story and place to always talk about and learn.) We visited the now, Istanbul through a couple of tourists' YouTube videos; cool to see the same standing buildings 600 years later, and yesterday, we talked about the "Black Death" that swept all over - killing multitudes.
*Writing: All experience in writing have come from an outstanding book I bought in northern Minnesota - We just finished reading it on Thursday and I was sad to see it go --- literally cried at the end of the book and Lucy had to finish the last two pages.
*Read Aloud - currently reading SCAT - a book that ultimately gives kids the power to make huge change.
Then the kids are back to their work - and I am around to help until Sidney awakes.
*How will I Change the World: Independent project due in December. Simon and Lucy are required to design their own service project - research, make contact and execute. I am helping by supplying the baby steps needed to make it to the end. Currently Simon is thinking of doing something with the Chilean Minors and Lucy is making notebooks for patients in hospitals.
*CNN Student News: This is a 10 minute news story put on by CNN and geared for students. Lucy and Simon have a "Student News" notebook and put the date down each day, write about a key story and give a brief description of another story of choice. At night, at dinner, john will typically ask, "What's in the news today, kids?" By the end of the year, they will have a complete notebook of the years events.
*Cursive
*SSR - There are 2 SSR periods during the day. One is reading time in books that I have chosen for them - presently Lucy is reading the Little Princess and Simon is finishing up The Lord of the Rings...i need to get him another book this weekend. The other period is called "Box Time" where i have a variety of book choices that really has no match or bearing on what we are learning - but books of interest that I have found during library visits.
The day is specked with other agenda items - but this is typical and again, working out well for us......for the time being.
So, It is a quieter year than in the past and I am learning to like it. Expectations are still set in place, but they are attainable --- fantastically wonderful for all!!!
Thanks for listening.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Another All About Me
Again, in writing.
SECOND POSTING
Last week, I had two mason jars sitting out and instruction for the kids to fill it up with "defining" objects. "What is You?" I asked and sent them on their hunt. We decorated the outside of the jar and then let them sit for the weekend on the dining room table.
Today, we talked about the recent news event about someone finding a message in a bottle, sent from Florida and found in Ireland. Another story talked about a 4th grader in Seattle, sending out a message as a class experiment and 21 years later, it shows up on the coast of the Bering Sea. Today, we took out the jars and simon and lucy were prompted to write a character portrayal of 'the jar.' If someone were to find this jar somewhere in this world, how would they define you, simply by looking inside.
Here is Lucy's jar - as seen by her mother.
I am a delicate flower, yet protected by my rustic wall that I have so well defined. I cry at a simple pinch of my pinkie, but in the same breath, bellow, "BACK OFF!" as a warning to all. I am fragile, yet strong and unbreakable at times.
The wind tries to hurry past my fleeting pace, but is defeated by it's loss.
I have much to prove, but will not be made to show. I am a solo actor on this stage. Secure and shaken....always 5 steps ahead of myself and yet find myself quivering in step when there is a bump or a crack lain out in obstacle form. I have been here many times before, but I will persevere, I will persevere.
SECOND POSTING
Last week, I had two mason jars sitting out and instruction for the kids to fill it up with "defining" objects. "What is You?" I asked and sent them on their hunt. We decorated the outside of the jar and then let them sit for the weekend on the dining room table.
Today, we talked about the recent news event about someone finding a message in a bottle, sent from Florida and found in Ireland. Another story talked about a 4th grader in Seattle, sending out a message as a class experiment and 21 years later, it shows up on the coast of the Bering Sea. Today, we took out the jars and simon and lucy were prompted to write a character portrayal of 'the jar.' If someone were to find this jar somewhere in this world, how would they define you, simply by looking inside.
Here is Lucy's jar - as seen by her mother.
I am a delicate flower, yet protected by my rustic wall that I have so well defined. I cry at a simple pinch of my pinkie, but in the same breath, bellow, "BACK OFF!" as a warning to all. I am fragile, yet strong and unbreakable at times.
The wind tries to hurry past my fleeting pace, but is defeated by it's loss.
I have much to prove, but will not be made to show. I am a solo actor on this stage. Secure and shaken....always 5 steps ahead of myself and yet find myself quivering in step when there is a bump or a crack lain out in obstacle form. I have been here many times before, but I will persevere, I will persevere.
It's All About Me
Again, in writing.
Last week, I had two mason jars sitting out and instruction for the kids to fill it up with "defining" objects. "What is You?" I asked and sent them on their hunt. We decorated the outside of the jar and then let them sit for the weekend on the dining room table.
Today, we talked about the recent news event about someone finding a message in a bottle, sent from Florida and found in Ireland. Another story talked about a 4th grader in Seattle, sending out a message as a class experiment and 21 years later, it shows up on the coast of the Bering Sea. Today, we took out the jars and simon and lucy were prompted to write a character portrayal of 'the jar.' If someone were to find this jar somewhere in this world, how would they define you, simply by looking inside.
All three of us wrote. I took simon's jar for my observational study and this is what I wrote...simply from looking at his chosen objects.
++++++++
I am complicated. I am specific. When I relax, or feel at my most accomplished self, I take out a book, my notepad and my stubby pencil; sit outside amongst nature and be a part of the glorious unfolding. I am a person with an undertaking of words, a command over the English language and a creative user of its form and structure. I use words to find myself - to develop my person, to exercise my soul. The surround of books strengthens my resolve and perception. Not too many people know the true me. I am ambiguous, yet present. I am open, yet covered, grounded and guarded. My intent unfolds before you and yet, you look around, searching, as if i am lost.
Last week, I had two mason jars sitting out and instruction for the kids to fill it up with "defining" objects. "What is You?" I asked and sent them on their hunt. We decorated the outside of the jar and then let them sit for the weekend on the dining room table.
Today, we talked about the recent news event about someone finding a message in a bottle, sent from Florida and found in Ireland. Another story talked about a 4th grader in Seattle, sending out a message as a class experiment and 21 years later, it shows up on the coast of the Bering Sea. Today, we took out the jars and simon and lucy were prompted to write a character portrayal of 'the jar.' If someone were to find this jar somewhere in this world, how would they define you, simply by looking inside.
All three of us wrote. I took simon's jar for my observational study and this is what I wrote...simply from looking at his chosen objects.
++++++++
I am complicated. I am specific. When I relax, or feel at my most accomplished self, I take out a book, my notepad and my stubby pencil; sit outside amongst nature and be a part of the glorious unfolding. I am a person with an undertaking of words, a command over the English language and a creative user of its form and structure. I use words to find myself - to develop my person, to exercise my soul. The surround of books strengthens my resolve and perception. Not too many people know the true me. I am ambiguous, yet present. I am open, yet covered, grounded and guarded. My intent unfolds before you and yet, you look around, searching, as if i am lost.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Writing from Simon
Words of Nothingness
Nothing is nothing - then again,
Nothing is Something.
There is nothing called nothing
because
Nothing has to be something.
If there is such a thing as nothing
What does it look like?
How does it feel?
Nothing means nothing to anyone who...
doesn't have an imagination.
Where do things go that disintegrate?
Do they cease to exist?
Would that be nothing?
Along with, "To be or not to be"
I say
Nothing is Something
or
is
Nothing just Nothing
Nothing is nothing - then again,
Nothing is Something.
There is nothing called nothing
because
Nothing has to be something.
If there is such a thing as nothing
What does it look like?
How does it feel?
Nothing means nothing to anyone who...
doesn't have an imagination.
Where do things go that disintegrate?
Do they cease to exist?
Would that be nothing?
Along with, "To be or not to be"
I say
Nothing is Something
or
is
Nothing just Nothing
Sunday, October 3, 2010
I Do As Told
I was asked to briefly submit my week in review. Here it is - although, in afterthought, I am wondering how i made it through at times.
Monday 9-27: First day home to actually do school with kids. Regular schedule, regular list: read aloud, history, math, the whole nine yards. Nice nap time from baby, good lunch, decent dinner. Husband works late into the evening and daughter has evening soccer practice. Decent, predictable and manageable night.
Tuesday 9-28: Root Canal in the morning, funeral in the afternoon, son's soccer game in the evening -- it is very cold outside. he is not playing yet, due to recently tympanoplasty. husband makes it home in time to relieve me and baby from soccer game. desperately trying to find a way to make it out to California to attend a family funeral. Husband works for major league baseball team - they will be in playoffs and the calendar is packed solid for thursday (the day of funeral) Late tuesday evening, i finally succumb to the knowledge that I will not be able to make it, however the creativity of planning.
Wednesday 9:29: Regular morning of school. lovely day outside. Meeting at church in late morning. 5:00 son calls from high school to ask to be picked up from cross country practice. 5:30 choir practice for other two. 6:30 Pottery making of communion cups. 7:00 home again to get dinner for all 4 kids. oldest is upset because he lost his MP3 player and is moping around the house and refusing to do homework. daughter is upset because she didn't have enough time in the pottery activity and is physically demonstrating her disappointment in the evening. middle child is trying to compensate for the stress level in the house by asking if he can clean anything in site. As i am undressing baby and bringing him to his room, he pees all over me, my pants, my shoes, my shirt. the oldest child heads downstairs and falls down the steps, knocking the wind out of him. As i race down the stairs to attend to this very large baby of mine, the 18th month old slips in own urine on the wood floor and is crying and daughter is in her room with the door closed and middle child is vacuuming the living room. Husband at a dinner outing on his second glass of wine.
Thursday 9-30: Beautiful fall day. 8:15 piano lessons begin the day. Do a nice portion of school outside. It is early release day for the jr. high as there are conferences. All goes well and baby naps perfectly. 1:00 Jr high student walks in door. He eats something and I tell him that I am on my way to drop his brother off at book club - 25 minutes away and i will come back to pick him up for his conference. Drop his brother off, come home, pick him up as well as his sister. Three kids attend conference - older sister is entertaining baby in the classroom. 4:00 conference is over and we make our way to pick up middle son from book club - 25 minutes away (book club was over at 4:00), get home just in time to make dinner for all 4 kids. baby makes mess of peas and rice combo dinner. 5:35 drop jr high student off for his piano lesson. get to middle child's soccer practice on time at 5:45. turn back around to get daughter on her soccer field just before 6:00 (all distances are at least 15 minutes from the other) for her game. it is freezing out this evening and she has forgotten her jacket. Rush home and pick up jacket. Turn around to get oldest from piano practice and then make a bee line to pick up middle child from soccer practice. Soccer practice goes a bit late and we wait and wait and wait. Finally, he gets in the car and we head straight to daughter's game -- we arrive during the second half and as she plays on the field, she shouts out to me, "Mom, i scored 2 goals!!! it was so awesome. you missed it!" Baby finally get to get out of car and roams soccer area. finds some older kids to entertain himself with and follows them outside the gated field. 8:30, we all arrive safe and sound at home. Husband working late.
Friday 10-1: Homeschool gym class at 9:00. This goes until 12:00. We get home, do school, set baby for nap and he sleeps a very long time. The other two chidlren are invited out for a fun afternoon field trip. Later in the afternoon, I have to get baby up, as I am needed for carpooling of jr. high boy. Get to high school and pick up 5 teenage boys to take them 30 miles west of high school for pasta party (insane)- as tomorrow is big race. Fight friday night traffic. On the way to the party, 5 boys trying to cheer up crying baby Drop boys off and head to find some kind of store to buy food for baby, who is quite hungry after his nap and not in the best of mood --- as well as dinner for the rest of the family. husband will be home tonight, taking care of kids. . get to store, but now late in picking up boys. Get boys in car, take them all home and arrive at my house at 6:20. A friend of mine is already at the house, has been there since 6pm --- we are going to a Twins game that evening and it begins in just over 30 minutes. I change into warmer clothing and we make it to downtown, just as the first inning is wrapping up. But we made it. The first thing i do is get a beer. We have 6th row seats behind home plate. quite lovely.
and that was my week.
Monday 9-27: First day home to actually do school with kids. Regular schedule, regular list: read aloud, history, math, the whole nine yards. Nice nap time from baby, good lunch, decent dinner. Husband works late into the evening and daughter has evening soccer practice. Decent, predictable and manageable night.
Tuesday 9-28: Root Canal in the morning, funeral in the afternoon, son's soccer game in the evening -- it is very cold outside. he is not playing yet, due to recently tympanoplasty. husband makes it home in time to relieve me and baby from soccer game. desperately trying to find a way to make it out to California to attend a family funeral. Husband works for major league baseball team - they will be in playoffs and the calendar is packed solid for thursday (the day of funeral) Late tuesday evening, i finally succumb to the knowledge that I will not be able to make it, however the creativity of planning.
Wednesday 9:29: Regular morning of school. lovely day outside. Meeting at church in late morning. 5:00 son calls from high school to ask to be picked up from cross country practice. 5:30 choir practice for other two. 6:30 Pottery making of communion cups. 7:00 home again to get dinner for all 4 kids. oldest is upset because he lost his MP3 player and is moping around the house and refusing to do homework. daughter is upset because she didn't have enough time in the pottery activity and is physically demonstrating her disappointment in the evening. middle child is trying to compensate for the stress level in the house by asking if he can clean anything in site. As i am undressing baby and bringing him to his room, he pees all over me, my pants, my shoes, my shirt. the oldest child heads downstairs and falls down the steps, knocking the wind out of him. As i race down the stairs to attend to this very large baby of mine, the 18th month old slips in own urine on the wood floor and is crying and daughter is in her room with the door closed and middle child is vacuuming the living room. Husband at a dinner outing on his second glass of wine.
Thursday 9-30: Beautiful fall day. 8:15 piano lessons begin the day. Do a nice portion of school outside. It is early release day for the jr. high as there are conferences. All goes well and baby naps perfectly. 1:00 Jr high student walks in door. He eats something and I tell him that I am on my way to drop his brother off at book club - 25 minutes away and i will come back to pick him up for his conference. Drop his brother off, come home, pick him up as well as his sister. Three kids attend conference - older sister is entertaining baby in the classroom. 4:00 conference is over and we make our way to pick up middle son from book club - 25 minutes away (book club was over at 4:00), get home just in time to make dinner for all 4 kids. baby makes mess of peas and rice combo dinner. 5:35 drop jr high student off for his piano lesson. get to middle child's soccer practice on time at 5:45. turn back around to get daughter on her soccer field just before 6:00 (all distances are at least 15 minutes from the other) for her game. it is freezing out this evening and she has forgotten her jacket. Rush home and pick up jacket. Turn around to get oldest from piano practice and then make a bee line to pick up middle child from soccer practice. Soccer practice goes a bit late and we wait and wait and wait. Finally, he gets in the car and we head straight to daughter's game -- we arrive during the second half and as she plays on the field, she shouts out to me, "Mom, i scored 2 goals!!! it was so awesome. you missed it!" Baby finally get to get out of car and roams soccer area. finds some older kids to entertain himself with and follows them outside the gated field. 8:30, we all arrive safe and sound at home. Husband working late.
Friday 10-1: Homeschool gym class at 9:00. This goes until 12:00. We get home, do school, set baby for nap and he sleeps a very long time. The other two chidlren are invited out for a fun afternoon field trip. Later in the afternoon, I have to get baby up, as I am needed for carpooling of jr. high boy. Get to high school and pick up 5 teenage boys to take them 30 miles west of high school for pasta party (insane)- as tomorrow is big race. Fight friday night traffic. On the way to the party, 5 boys trying to cheer up crying baby Drop boys off and head to find some kind of store to buy food for baby, who is quite hungry after his nap and not in the best of mood --- as well as dinner for the rest of the family. husband will be home tonight, taking care of kids. . get to store, but now late in picking up boys. Get boys in car, take them all home and arrive at my house at 6:20. A friend of mine is already at the house, has been there since 6pm --- we are going to a Twins game that evening and it begins in just over 30 minutes. I change into warmer clothing and we make it to downtown, just as the first inning is wrapping up. But we made it. The first thing i do is get a beer. We have 6th row seats behind home plate. quite lovely.
and that was my week.
The Road Less Traveled
The journey is treacherous, betraying, unreliable, enduring and flat out hard. All experts have written on the tiresome subject, all authors have enticed us with their glutinous verbiage of guilt, and all parents travel closely behind; watching the unraveling of the road as their teenager takes step after step after step - finding placement within their adult and independent world.
The 19th month old seeks within unmarred ground. The vision is narrowed, the feats are remarkable, yet simple, and each step, albeit numerable in comparison, comes equipped with an iron clad safety net.
The 13 year old hasn't a clue! (I had to put this in - as it is the truth)
Pathing and marking his way, 13 years of experience arm him with little. He was once able to toddle around in the open waters - knee deep, secure in his findings and life was complicated, but easily predictable. He is now out among them, and the water is deeper than he; even though he is a centimeter taller than his own mother, and he is expected to take all the knowledge from his playful days and make sense of it all. It is close to impossible. As parents, we still have the rope around his waste, standing and waiting, preparing for that time when he truly needs our help --- but for now, he continues, on his own. Off he travels.
Our relationship is altered, and still respected with this 13 year old.
Last night, he and his younger brother were playing a card game. Younger brother taunts older brother - older brother gets mad and tears up game sheets that younger brother holds dear to his heart.
"He made me tear them up! I do not owe him anything!"
All were there in this 'court of responsibility' discussion; late into the evening hours. The discussion no longer follows the guise of 'both of you say you're sorry, hug each other and go off and play nicely together.' Whatever brought this effortless moment of anger to fruition was not key to discussion. The moment of the act, the ownership of choice of the act and the responsibility in afterthought were the key players in conversation.
"He made me tear them up. I will not pay out any money. I do not owe him anything. Not even an apology!"
Adulthood, independence, maturity, growing up, responsibility, trustworthiness, dependability, value, choices, and character were all mapped out within the circuitous dialogue.
There was no resolve to the evening. Ultimately, it is up to him. No longer are we holding his hand - but trying to put our trust in his decision. We are there with firm words, guidelines, and strong, strong, suggestions, but, this journey is his. His road, his time, his moment to show the character of whom he is and what path he is choosing to walk.
Thanks for listening.
The 19th month old seeks within unmarred ground. The vision is narrowed, the feats are remarkable, yet simple, and each step, albeit numerable in comparison, comes equipped with an iron clad safety net.
The 13 year old hasn't a clue! (I had to put this in - as it is the truth)
Pathing and marking his way, 13 years of experience arm him with little. He was once able to toddle around in the open waters - knee deep, secure in his findings and life was complicated, but easily predictable. He is now out among them, and the water is deeper than he; even though he is a centimeter taller than his own mother, and he is expected to take all the knowledge from his playful days and make sense of it all. It is close to impossible. As parents, we still have the rope around his waste, standing and waiting, preparing for that time when he truly needs our help --- but for now, he continues, on his own. Off he travels.
Our relationship is altered, and still respected with this 13 year old.
Last night, he and his younger brother were playing a card game. Younger brother taunts older brother - older brother gets mad and tears up game sheets that younger brother holds dear to his heart.
"He made me tear them up! I do not owe him anything!"
All were there in this 'court of responsibility' discussion; late into the evening hours. The discussion no longer follows the guise of 'both of you say you're sorry, hug each other and go off and play nicely together.' Whatever brought this effortless moment of anger to fruition was not key to discussion. The moment of the act, the ownership of choice of the act and the responsibility in afterthought were the key players in conversation.
"He made me tear them up. I will not pay out any money. I do not owe him anything. Not even an apology!"
Adulthood, independence, maturity, growing up, responsibility, trustworthiness, dependability, value, choices, and character were all mapped out within the circuitous dialogue.
There was no resolve to the evening. Ultimately, it is up to him. No longer are we holding his hand - but trying to put our trust in his decision. We are there with firm words, guidelines, and strong, strong, suggestions, but, this journey is his. His road, his time, his moment to show the character of whom he is and what path he is choosing to walk.
Thanks for listening.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Whispering Moments
Our writing prompts always come from a book I am reading to the kids. I read a couple of chapters and then we dive into 'writing mode.' Sometimes we play music where we are at, other times, we sit quietly and today, we are all outside - listening to the world travel above us, besides us, behind us and moving quickly along the path. We are listening and taking advantage of life's whispering moments
In my attempt to catch up before it's too late, i shall mark down it's present moment. it whispers to me in all it's song
the airplane travels overhead; if sidney were outside, he would outstretch his arms like wings of a bird and repeat - eh-pae....eh-pae - all the while, dancing to the hum of the jets.
the car - maneuvering quickly around the bend of our small street.
a small breeze picks up and passes by, touching first, the back of my neck and moving onward to play within the entanglement of the trees.
A biker careens down the newly paved street, and elderly gentlemen walks his two springer spaniel puppies, dogs bark, airplanes fly, leaves swiftly move, and lucy is now beginning to read.
Both kids have agreed to let me share their writing of the morning.
SIMON
Fall is my favorite season, the winds rustle then flow. The leaves crackle at your every step. The tress lose their green and out comes the yellow, the red, the brown. The air gets smoky, the smell is pure. Even though Fall is amazing, it can not endure. The wrath of winter covers everything in white, the darkness falls and closes summers light. The comes Spring, the newing of flight. Birds are in the air, the light is so bright. Coming of summer, we come out to play; the squirrels, the chipmunks, the bees. For a while, we stay.
LUCY (she wrote hers in little snippets)
I am watching some birds in the sky. They are seagulls to my heart.
I am going to walk Charlie, the dog, he is slow but pads on gratefully
I hear some birds tweeting and hope they are chickadees, they are my favorite.
And now, I sit hungry, wanting lunch and Annie's Shells and pie.
In my attempt to catch up before it's too late, i shall mark down it's present moment. it whispers to me in all it's song
the airplane travels overhead; if sidney were outside, he would outstretch his arms like wings of a bird and repeat - eh-pae....eh-pae - all the while, dancing to the hum of the jets.
the car - maneuvering quickly around the bend of our small street.
a small breeze picks up and passes by, touching first, the back of my neck and moving onward to play within the entanglement of the trees.
A biker careens down the newly paved street, and elderly gentlemen walks his two springer spaniel puppies, dogs bark, airplanes fly, leaves swiftly move, and lucy is now beginning to read.
Both kids have agreed to let me share their writing of the morning.
SIMON
Fall is my favorite season, the winds rustle then flow. The leaves crackle at your every step. The tress lose their green and out comes the yellow, the red, the brown. The air gets smoky, the smell is pure. Even though Fall is amazing, it can not endure. The wrath of winter covers everything in white, the darkness falls and closes summers light. The comes Spring, the newing of flight. Birds are in the air, the light is so bright. Coming of summer, we come out to play; the squirrels, the chipmunks, the bees. For a while, we stay.
LUCY (she wrote hers in little snippets)
I am watching some birds in the sky. They are seagulls to my heart.
I am going to walk Charlie, the dog, he is slow but pads on gratefully
I hear some birds tweeting and hope they are chickadees, they are my favorite.
And now, I sit hungry, wanting lunch and Annie's Shells and pie.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
A Memory
Today, in writing, we are journaling about memories. Lucy has decided to quickly jot down 12 memories while simon sits, cross legged upon the couch, eyes gazed out beyond his toes, thinking of something to write and describe.
In honor of a family friend, Tommy Trujillo, I shall dedicate this memory to him.
Memory is fickle - it carries an almost hallucinogenic quality - it makes things up if needed, blocks others out and can embellish any tale of remembrance.
Tommy was a gentle soul. He was soft spoken and a man who gave thought to what was said. He never jumped to conclusions, nor did he judge opinions. He called me, "Katie, my love," spoken like a melody - rising. Tommy never put on airs, never tried to be someone he wasn't and accepted you - the good, the bad and the ugly. I respect this man, whom without knowing, molded me in so many ways.
"Uncle" Tommy and "Auntie" Bobbie were fixtures at every family occasion - holidays, birthdays, confirmations, graduations, and weddings. Although I have not spoken to him since my babies were toddlers, my heart significantly feels his passing.
In memory of Tommy.
Thanks for listening.
In honor of a family friend, Tommy Trujillo, I shall dedicate this memory to him.
Memory is fickle - it carries an almost hallucinogenic quality - it makes things up if needed, blocks others out and can embellish any tale of remembrance.
Tommy was a gentle soul. He was soft spoken and a man who gave thought to what was said. He never jumped to conclusions, nor did he judge opinions. He called me, "Katie, my love," spoken like a melody - rising. Tommy never put on airs, never tried to be someone he wasn't and accepted you - the good, the bad and the ugly. I respect this man, whom without knowing, molded me in so many ways.
"Uncle" Tommy and "Auntie" Bobbie were fixtures at every family occasion - holidays, birthdays, confirmations, graduations, and weddings. Although I have not spoken to him since my babies were toddlers, my heart significantly feels his passing.
In memory of Tommy.
Thanks for listening.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Back in the Game?
Well, maybe. It is beginning to feel like such. I am AT A COFFEE SHOP, PLANNING!! Well, actually, I am writing in my blog - but i am planning, nonetheless. My breathing is not as significantly binding and I am assuming after tomorrow comes and goes, it will be back to normal.
Odd Updates in no particular order
1. Simon: Recovering slowly from his ear surgery. I think this one has been the most significant and hopefully, will yield the best results. I think he is enjoying being a patient and getting doted on by his mother.
2. Daddy's T-Shirt Night: I am not sure why this is making the list; and I am positive I have written about it before. To remind: At the age of 4, Perry initiated what would become a long standing weekly tradition, "Daddy's T-Shirt Night." each and every friday, he and Simon dressed up in John's t-shirts, went to bed an hour early (to play) and spent the night together. When Lucy was old enough to join, they all slept together. The pictures above are from 5 years ago, when often, john's t-shirts where not necessarily apart of the evening, but the hour early and the laughing and goofing around, was prominent (do you see gato, the cat, in the mix?) I have a picture somewhere, and I can't find it, of a couple of months ago, probably at the beginning of summer, and I am certain this captured the last of the "Daddy T-Shirt Nights." The allure has waned and it has still been Perry rallying his brother and sister into just "One more Daddy's T-Shirt Night." About a year or so ago, Simon was the first one to say no to this group get together and Lucy at times, came out of whatever room they took over, saying her brothers were mean to her and she was sleeping in her own bed. The innocent laughter and goofy-ness had been replaced by a specific agenda of how the night would go. This is a tradition that I sadly say good-bye too. It was unique to our family, we called it our own and actually, John and I got an extra hour to spend together each Friday night as the kids went down early.
Perry: growing, growing, growing in all capacities - but what teenager doesn't. I sat in the living room this morning with my coffee while all slept. I recited in my head the "I'll Love You Forever" book. I think i know it by heart and began to cry.
But at night time, when that teenager was asleep, the mother opened the door to his room, crawled across the floor and looked up over the side of the bed. If he was really asleep she picked up that great big boy and rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. While she rocked him she sang:
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living
my baby you'll be.
This is our journey.
Lucy: I am worried. If brave enough, i will be researching and actively seeking advise on some form of pediatric anxiety or panic disorder. She has many signs and I am quite hesitant for I am sure it will lead to some type of drug regime. Perhaps it is our relationship - but i see this in other avenues as well. I wish only success for my baby --- success in her world. Trembling, shaken and uncertain at this time. But as always, she has my back. She is alert, cognizant, often times a 'know it all' and at times, throws me these glances akin to, "Mom, can you believe these guys? and we have to *live* with them?"
Sidney: cute story to share about this boy sharing his 18 month of glorious adventure. Last week, he was playing on the keyboard. He began to slam down on the keys. I told him know and approached him to closely monitor this. he looked at me, lifted his arms slowly up in the air and slammed them down on the keys, looking at me through this exercise in "What will she really do?" I sternly said no again, turned off the keyboard, walked away and sat on the ground. He very cautiously turned toward me, and walked in my direction with his head hung low. "Ma-ma.....Ma-ma," he quietly repeated as he approached me. "Ma-ma," almost whispering. He comes up to me, nuzzles his head up against mine, begins to pat me on the back and puckers his lips and makes his kissing noises that he makes when wanting us to kiss him. "Ma-ma," he repeated, still patting my back and kissing me all the while.
okay - time to plan. that is why i am here. wish me luck.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Among Other Things
this past week was supposed to be our first week of school. It barely happened and in a blink, it was already Friday.
Typically, during the month of August, I slowly break myself in. I visit one coffee shop after the next; laptop on table, books surround, music in my ears and I scope out the year: goals, curriculum, sequence, outcomes, bullet points and agendas. I visit book stores to load up on read alouds, thematic works, artful prose and inspiring authors. I flip through pages on the net, looking for that "I have to have it" find...order it and await it's arrival. i book field trips and all aspects of education click and fit together. September - May has a 'look' to it. I look forward to this time, to break away and find the passion that had flickered out by the last day of school. I look forward to that "First Day" of school excitement that I plan out and present to the kids.
I have not visited any coffee shops, a book store, once; and quickly - in fast paced thought, bought some CDs online, simply because I did not have the time to go out and buy it first hand.
August came in quickly and left without even saying good bye.
As soon as Perry started school, i thought i would at least have that one last week to get settled in a quasi fashion - but there has been no down time. I settled into a quiet day last Friday and did nothing (for a change - i even found myself taking in an afternoon nap. I needed this time. In retrospect, it was my only alone time I had had since the middle of august. I reveled in Sidney's nap on this day).
We began Monday with a breakfast out to a bagel shop (kids request) and followed by a visit to church to 'check in' with the newly hired children's ministry director (I am on the CM committee). The three kids played downstairs while i helped out with Children's Ministry and assumed the role of getting our Sunday School program off and running by the 19th of this month. 5 rotating stations, filled with curriculum. So, Monday was a wash. we came home, looked through our school boxes, talked about what we would like to accomplish this year and called it a day. Tuesday I was back at church - but only after I put Sidney down for his nap and read aloud our first book of the year --- something I picked up last year and has absolutely nothing to do with our current study (although, there *is* no current study). Wednesday, we had dentist appointments, church, errands to run for Thursday and choir. Thursday was piano lessons and getting ready for later that night. Thursday evening was our first homeschool meeting of the year --- this was all planned, organized, and executed by yours truly - so when i wasn't running around planning church things, i was trying to fit in time to get an agenda together and all the paper work that needed to be organized for Thursday's meeting. Also, because we were hosting it at All Saints Church (my church), i took it upon myself to decorate the very bland church room that we were assigned. more running - but what a welcoming site when these women entered. Thursday came and went and Friday was Simon's pre-op in the morning and Perry's cross country meet and banquet in the afternoon/evening. This weekend opened up with a father in law coming to visit for two days, a child who had piano at 11:15, another child who had a soccer game at one park at 11:15 and a third child who had yet another game at 11:15 at a different park. Upon arriving back at home by 12:30, I put sidney down for his nap, packed up my blue plastic bin of stuff and headed back to church to design and put together a prayer station for tomorrow morning's rally day (the congregation will enter in a made up room of Jesus' home. I designed His living room/dining room with a sign (our rally motto) "Come, Taste and See." It looks lovely. Sunday - rally day. I will be there all day. Monday will come and it will be Simon's surgery. Tuesday, a play date. Wednesday, Photography class with grandma and grandpa....THANK YOU grandma and grandpa. This will be the highlight of the week, confirmation class, choir class and the new W.O.W Wednesdays at church from 5:30 - 6:30. Friday begins homeschool gym - close to 30 families have signed up for this gym class in which I lead.
This is not a bragging post - but an introspection into my life at the moment. I can't breath! Literally, I can not take in deep breaths and when the stress is higher than usual (when i went to church and figured that no one was paying attention to next week's Sunday school), i almost passed out. with each passing activity (mhea meeting, station being completed, rally day put together....), I find that i am able to take in breaths on a more regular basis. But until I have something concrete in front of me in regards to my children's education - i'm afraid that I will continue to be short of breath.
You say, "Katie, learn to say no." That's not the point.
1. MHEA - We are a board of 7. Each one has a job. Mine is to be the director. That is *my* responsibility. It is fine throughout the year. it just happened to come up in the midst of stuff.
2. Sunday School: This was an "I stumbled upon it while trying to help scenario, She has her own overwhelming moment and in trying to help, i .....well, there is no finishing that sentence.
3. Homeschool Gym: again, a no brainer. It would be a piece of cake if i had had time - but like I said, August was in need of my attention in other facets rather than school.
So, this will be an interesting year. I have said in the past - my biggest obstacle will be working around Sidney and his needs and his own goals. But, presently, my only obstacle is me.
As my friends talk about their first weeks or the curriculum they have bought and planned or the field trips they have signed up for - i can say with confidence, "I think my kids will like the read aloud that i bought last January."
Deep Breath......and I mean it this time.
Typically, during the month of August, I slowly break myself in. I visit one coffee shop after the next; laptop on table, books surround, music in my ears and I scope out the year: goals, curriculum, sequence, outcomes, bullet points and agendas. I visit book stores to load up on read alouds, thematic works, artful prose and inspiring authors. I flip through pages on the net, looking for that "I have to have it" find...order it and await it's arrival. i book field trips and all aspects of education click and fit together. September - May has a 'look' to it. I look forward to this time, to break away and find the passion that had flickered out by the last day of school. I look forward to that "First Day" of school excitement that I plan out and present to the kids.
I have not visited any coffee shops, a book store, once; and quickly - in fast paced thought, bought some CDs online, simply because I did not have the time to go out and buy it first hand.
August came in quickly and left without even saying good bye.
As soon as Perry started school, i thought i would at least have that one last week to get settled in a quasi fashion - but there has been no down time. I settled into a quiet day last Friday and did nothing (for a change - i even found myself taking in an afternoon nap. I needed this time. In retrospect, it was my only alone time I had had since the middle of august. I reveled in Sidney's nap on this day).
We began Monday with a breakfast out to a bagel shop (kids request) and followed by a visit to church to 'check in' with the newly hired children's ministry director (I am on the CM committee). The three kids played downstairs while i helped out with Children's Ministry and assumed the role of getting our Sunday School program off and running by the 19th of this month. 5 rotating stations, filled with curriculum. So, Monday was a wash. we came home, looked through our school boxes, talked about what we would like to accomplish this year and called it a day. Tuesday I was back at church - but only after I put Sidney down for his nap and read aloud our first book of the year --- something I picked up last year and has absolutely nothing to do with our current study (although, there *is* no current study). Wednesday, we had dentist appointments, church, errands to run for Thursday and choir. Thursday was piano lessons and getting ready for later that night. Thursday evening was our first homeschool meeting of the year --- this was all planned, organized, and executed by yours truly - so when i wasn't running around planning church things, i was trying to fit in time to get an agenda together and all the paper work that needed to be organized for Thursday's meeting. Also, because we were hosting it at All Saints Church (my church), i took it upon myself to decorate the very bland church room that we were assigned. more running - but what a welcoming site when these women entered. Thursday came and went and Friday was Simon's pre-op in the morning and Perry's cross country meet and banquet in the afternoon/evening. This weekend opened up with a father in law coming to visit for two days, a child who had piano at 11:15, another child who had a soccer game at one park at 11:15 and a third child who had yet another game at 11:15 at a different park. Upon arriving back at home by 12:30, I put sidney down for his nap, packed up my blue plastic bin of stuff and headed back to church to design and put together a prayer station for tomorrow morning's rally day (the congregation will enter in a made up room of Jesus' home. I designed His living room/dining room with a sign (our rally motto) "Come, Taste and See." It looks lovely. Sunday - rally day. I will be there all day. Monday will come and it will be Simon's surgery. Tuesday, a play date. Wednesday, Photography class with grandma and grandpa....THANK YOU grandma and grandpa. This will be the highlight of the week, confirmation class, choir class and the new W.O.W Wednesdays at church from 5:30 - 6:30. Friday begins homeschool gym - close to 30 families have signed up for this gym class in which I lead.
This is not a bragging post - but an introspection into my life at the moment. I can't breath! Literally, I can not take in deep breaths and when the stress is higher than usual (when i went to church and figured that no one was paying attention to next week's Sunday school), i almost passed out. with each passing activity (mhea meeting, station being completed, rally day put together....), I find that i am able to take in breaths on a more regular basis. But until I have something concrete in front of me in regards to my children's education - i'm afraid that I will continue to be short of breath.
You say, "Katie, learn to say no." That's not the point.
1. MHEA - We are a board of 7. Each one has a job. Mine is to be the director. That is *my* responsibility. It is fine throughout the year. it just happened to come up in the midst of stuff.
2. Sunday School: This was an "I stumbled upon it while trying to help scenario, She has her own overwhelming moment and in trying to help, i .....well, there is no finishing that sentence.
3. Homeschool Gym: again, a no brainer. It would be a piece of cake if i had had time - but like I said, August was in need of my attention in other facets rather than school.
So, this will be an interesting year. I have said in the past - my biggest obstacle will be working around Sidney and his needs and his own goals. But, presently, my only obstacle is me.
As my friends talk about their first weeks or the curriculum they have bought and planned or the field trips they have signed up for - i can say with confidence, "I think my kids will like the read aloud that i bought last January."
Deep Breath......and I mean it this time.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
The Signs of Change
I log into this blog with one hand, for the other is holding a warm cup of coffee and the body and mind are just not ready to latch off of the elixir that quickly.
I look down to my right and see my baby's pacifier sitting upon the desk. The trendied color of royal blue and lime green seem to smile at me. Further up from the pacifier is my oldest son's mp3 player. He was downloading songs yesterday and burning a new CD of his favorite songs. Following this activity, he went downstairs, unplugged his stereo, brought it out into the garage and, akin to the pied piper, turned in on loud enough luring in all the ripstikers, skateboarders, scooter'ers, and bouncing ball'ers to the driveway. The boy, with his size 11 flip flops, lead them on a musical path around the cars, into the garage, down the driveway and back up again.
The MP3 player rests upon a business card of a Construction Coordinator. I am on his "things to do list" as the bottom of my driveway will be torn out and redone, due to the permanent mistake that was made a couple of weeks ago by the street crew when replacing tar and cement from road construction on the street.
Above the business card is a CD case, "History Study - New World Explorers." The CD itself is laying on the table among a variety of bills that still need to be paid. This will be our beginning history unit this year. A sailors life, ships, navigation techniques, explorers, pirates and more.
As I grab my cup of coffee, that is by now, lukewarm, i notice one large and lonely red duplo block. The rest are scattered about the sun room floor. These have been handed down to Sidney from his brothers. The baby shares no knowledge on what awaits him in the world of legos.
When I take the lego off it's resting pace to hold it in my hand, i look beyond and notice the checks in the envelope, made out to me. Under these checks are homeschool gym registration papers. Gym will begin in the middle of September and presently, I am collecting registration and money from families that want their children involved in these Friday classes.
A smattering of pens, tv remotes, misc cds, orthodontist bills, and electronics fill this collage of a scene. Each with a page full story on it's meaning and why it takes occupation upon this table. All this is tied to me - the children, the contractor, the gym envelope, and curriculum. My husband makes his way down the hall, makes himself a quick 'coffee to go' and will soon be out the door - awaiting him in his office will be his desk, filled with just as many reminders of whom he is and what he is all about.
The children are now waking up. Thanks for listening.
I look down to my right and see my baby's pacifier sitting upon the desk. The trendied color of royal blue and lime green seem to smile at me. Further up from the pacifier is my oldest son's mp3 player. He was downloading songs yesterday and burning a new CD of his favorite songs. Following this activity, he went downstairs, unplugged his stereo, brought it out into the garage and, akin to the pied piper, turned in on loud enough luring in all the ripstikers, skateboarders, scooter'ers, and bouncing ball'ers to the driveway. The boy, with his size 11 flip flops, lead them on a musical path around the cars, into the garage, down the driveway and back up again.
The MP3 player rests upon a business card of a Construction Coordinator. I am on his "things to do list" as the bottom of my driveway will be torn out and redone, due to the permanent mistake that was made a couple of weeks ago by the street crew when replacing tar and cement from road construction on the street.
Above the business card is a CD case, "History Study - New World Explorers." The CD itself is laying on the table among a variety of bills that still need to be paid. This will be our beginning history unit this year. A sailors life, ships, navigation techniques, explorers, pirates and more.
As I grab my cup of coffee, that is by now, lukewarm, i notice one large and lonely red duplo block. The rest are scattered about the sun room floor. These have been handed down to Sidney from his brothers. The baby shares no knowledge on what awaits him in the world of legos.
When I take the lego off it's resting pace to hold it in my hand, i look beyond and notice the checks in the envelope, made out to me. Under these checks are homeschool gym registration papers. Gym will begin in the middle of September and presently, I am collecting registration and money from families that want their children involved in these Friday classes.
A smattering of pens, tv remotes, misc cds, orthodontist bills, and electronics fill this collage of a scene. Each with a page full story on it's meaning and why it takes occupation upon this table. All this is tied to me - the children, the contractor, the gym envelope, and curriculum. My husband makes his way down the hall, makes himself a quick 'coffee to go' and will soon be out the door - awaiting him in his office will be his desk, filled with just as many reminders of whom he is and what he is all about.
The children are now waking up. Thanks for listening.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
In my younger years, a bumper sticker hung on my bedroom wall. "Good leaders are hard to find; that is why I am following myself," it proclaimed. I have often stated, "If you believe in yourself and if you are stong in your convictions and were "grounded" on an unshakable faith, than nothing was insurmountable."
My grounded territory is presently being shakened.
My grounded territory is presently being shakened.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
At these times, i feel my presence upon a small stage with the black curtain behind me -- standing in the cheap spot light within the small crowded clap.
The rattle and hum of my children spark a nervous awakening within me. Quiet is interrupted with jolts of clattering tones behind the door. breath in this moment, before I will walk across it's threshold and enter once again into the innocent and egocentric lives of my children; who count on me to be present in their moment of time.
Digress:
Simon: The bond is tight. The enjoyment is real. The laughter is genuine. I sometimes am amiss when thinking he is mature beyond his 11 years. His sarcastic wit, his sensitive soul, his appreciation of the moment, his meaningful gaze and purposeful words. He is 11. For historical perspective - he will be having his 8th surgery in a couple of months.
Perry: A world awaits this boy wonder who sporadically claimed that Singapore was in Wisconsin. Unfortunately, I stake claim and fault for his naive nature. At times, I am surprised at the things he does not know but marvel at the idea of who he is. With his knowledge of self, he will be just fine...and who is to say, maybe there is a Singapore in Wisconsin.
Lucy: She traverses daily through unknown terrain. Presently, she is in need of more cuddling, affirmation and security. She often answers when conversation is directed at her younger brother - signaling that I have forgotten about her and I need to be checked. She desires all the parent I can be. We travel the day - marked with conversation, played hands of cards, lunches together and physical contact. She is just as strong as her brothers, but in need of reinforcements at this time.
Sidney: La Bete' (the Beast). He knows us. he knows how to make us laugh, he knows what makes us tick and he knows how to make our hearts melt. He is genius enough to figure out when previous behaviors have entertained and will repeat on occasion. He makes a guttural roar as he walks his house. The fourth child will not go silently.
Thank you for listening, thank you for your ears and the chance to feel apart of a new born sun when i sit and radiate my words- all from the small world in which i live...for i am not a rock climber, a sky diver, a gourmet chef. Nor am I a poet, an artist or a musician. I am but a mother.....
The rattle and hum of my children spark a nervous awakening within me. Quiet is interrupted with jolts of clattering tones behind the door. breath in this moment, before I will walk across it's threshold and enter once again into the innocent and egocentric lives of my children; who count on me to be present in their moment of time.
Digress:
Simon: The bond is tight. The enjoyment is real. The laughter is genuine. I sometimes am amiss when thinking he is mature beyond his 11 years. His sarcastic wit, his sensitive soul, his appreciation of the moment, his meaningful gaze and purposeful words. He is 11. For historical perspective - he will be having his 8th surgery in a couple of months.
1. Jan. 2000 (10 mos old) first set of tubes in both ears
2. April 2001 (2 yrs old) second set of tubes in both ears
3. April 2002 (3 yrs old) third tubes placed in left ear
4. July 2002 - CT Scan: bone destruction in left mastoid
5. Dec. 2003 - averted Mastoidectomy: huge surgery.
6. Feb. 2004 - (5 years old) Tubes surgically removed in both ears. We will find that perforations will not close during the coming years and infection in left will continue. 7. August 2005 ( 6 years old) Surgery: Left lateral graft tympanoplasty and right myringoplasty (skin graft to plug hole)
8. June 2008 (9 years old) Right cartilage graft tympanoplasty. Dr. wanted to put in a tube in simon's left ear at that time, but when opening it up, he saw a mess of fluid and gunk behind mastoid and decided against it. Simon's left hearing is continually compromised throughout the years.
9. October 2008: CT scan. In the past, simon has had significant cholesteatoma in his left ear, today, the left looks normal. We will later find that the cholesteatoma will return to the left. Left ear drum is showing signs of retracting and building around the bone.
10. October 2010? Surgical removal of tissue mass (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cholesteatoma) within the inner ear which is growing up against the bone - shifting it's overall position.
Perry: A world awaits this boy wonder who sporadically claimed that Singapore was in Wisconsin. Unfortunately, I stake claim and fault for his naive nature. At times, I am surprised at the things he does not know but marvel at the idea of who he is. With his knowledge of self, he will be just fine...and who is to say, maybe there is a Singapore in Wisconsin.
Lucy: She traverses daily through unknown terrain. Presently, she is in need of more cuddling, affirmation and security. She often answers when conversation is directed at her younger brother - signaling that I have forgotten about her and I need to be checked. She desires all the parent I can be. We travel the day - marked with conversation, played hands of cards, lunches together and physical contact. She is just as strong as her brothers, but in need of reinforcements at this time.
Sidney: La Bete' (the Beast). He knows us. he knows how to make us laugh, he knows what makes us tick and he knows how to make our hearts melt. He is genius enough to figure out when previous behaviors have entertained and will repeat on occasion. He makes a guttural roar as he walks his house. The fourth child will not go silently.
Thank you for listening, thank you for your ears and the chance to feel apart of a new born sun when i sit and radiate my words- all from the small world in which i live...for i am not a rock climber, a sky diver, a gourmet chef. Nor am I a poet, an artist or a musician. I am but a mother.....
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
To Work Within the Deisre, How? When? Why? Where?
I desire a change. I often desire a change. I look at my existence and question, "What can i do better?"
Growing up, I was the same, but in simple form, i was in constant need of changing my surround; and at that time, I did it through rearranging my room furniture and writing.
The reality of my resume: Stay at home mom, raising 4 kids, living in Minnetonka, Minnesota...a slow paced, suburb of Minneapolis.
I so desire to be present in this world. I always have, and sitting back, talking about diaper changes and dish detergents encourages contemplation.
I rest on my excuses: 4 growing children, intelligence, know how, time, location, sacrifice for the other, etc. Each one, filling a page of whys and cannots.
Asleep within my time
I was told by a great lady to wait it out; i would be more effective when kids are older and concentration is shifted. Perhaps this is true. I worked diligently with the local foodshelf until one day, my children's safety was strongly compromised and now that tie has been severed....for now.
So, what do I desire?
awakeness in life
participation within the abundance energy of culture
uniqueness of time (suburban coffee shops ....NO)
a place for photography concentration --- this would clearly follow from above
a different view
I am placed here. Yes, I am. I can appreciate it, be thankful, feel blessed, and secure. I write to say that i am not complacent. I do not desire to stay on my microscopic dot. My question: If there is a desire, and it is strong, then where is the will to make it happen? When I can't even seem to etch out time for a haircut - how would i etch out time for such a monumental endeavor?
The choices I have made have lead me through this life - this one time on stage, life. I am in need of a shift. I am in need - like the little girl before me - of the furniture changed.
Thanks for listening
Growing up, I was the same, but in simple form, i was in constant need of changing my surround; and at that time, I did it through rearranging my room furniture and writing.
The reality of my resume: Stay at home mom, raising 4 kids, living in Minnetonka, Minnesota...a slow paced, suburb of Minneapolis.
I so desire to be present in this world. I always have, and sitting back, talking about diaper changes and dish detergents encourages contemplation.
I rest on my excuses: 4 growing children, intelligence, know how, time, location, sacrifice for the other, etc. Each one, filling a page of whys and cannots.
Asleep within my time
I was told by a great lady to wait it out; i would be more effective when kids are older and concentration is shifted. Perhaps this is true. I worked diligently with the local foodshelf until one day, my children's safety was strongly compromised and now that tie has been severed....for now.
So, what do I desire?
awakeness in life
participation within the abundance energy of culture
uniqueness of time (suburban coffee shops ....NO)
a place for photography concentration --- this would clearly follow from above
a different view
I am placed here. Yes, I am. I can appreciate it, be thankful, feel blessed, and secure. I write to say that i am not complacent. I do not desire to stay on my microscopic dot. My question: If there is a desire, and it is strong, then where is the will to make it happen? When I can't even seem to etch out time for a haircut - how would i etch out time for such a monumental endeavor?
The choices I have made have lead me through this life - this one time on stage, life. I am in need of a shift. I am in need - like the little girl before me - of the furniture changed.
Thanks for listening
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
It's a Boy....
Last night,as i rocked in my baby's rocking chair; i could hear through the open window all the neighbor children playing hide and go seek; counting out loud, running around the house, declarations of whom was found and still in need of being sought. I changed from chair placement to window and watched intently, these children, these friends, these comrades in arm and reminisced the make up of the present.
"It's a boy!" my neighbor shouts from her car window as she and her husband slow down the car on their way home from her doctor's appointment. "We are going to have a boy!" This was 7 years ago and the little baby who toddled in the wading pool on his front lawn is now, "IT" in the game of choice this evening.
Ding Dong goes the door bell and Clifford, the Big Red Dog is standing before me, too shy to say, "Trick or Treat" so his parents say it for him. He is all but 3 or years of age. I think back to the times of walking this little one up to his home - the three houses stood together in monumental form. Navigation and guidance were required at such a young age. The now 11 year old has been in our house all day playing Legos, Wii and Risk with his counterpart, Simon. The two run from front lawn, across the street and tag the mailbox..."SAFE!" I hear them shout in unison.
"Katie, Daniel has run off again....can you call me if you see him?" This little boy, with so much to give the world, unleashes himself frequently from his own ties that bind. He marches to his own beat. At 3 years of age, he and Simon walk arm and arm down to the bus stop to say good bye to their older brothers venturing into the world of Kindergarten. The relationship between friend and son has been volatile, but both boys have grown together and each one is better for knowing the other. I look out the window and comically, the barefoot 11 year old stands frozen behind a skinny tree branch.
A Christmas card hung on our wall with a woman, her husband, her 12 year old daughter and a message that a baby will soon be coming into the world. a couple years later, another card came with the family of 4; and another was soon to make an entrance. This family has led a quiet existence. The two babies, now 7 and 5 are showing themselves more and more as they grow. Two more have added themselves to the crop that grows on this child laden street.
The 2 year old twins, who long ago showed up on this street in diapers, now reign in control with skateboards, baseball mitts, bats, balls, scooters, and bikes. These boys seek no borders and we have had our share of challenges trying to deal and educate our own children in times of quandary. The 7 year olds fight over who is really *not* it and which one is going to quit the game if they don't get their way and which rules are meant to be broken. With this, I watch from my placement near the window, check my watch and wonder if the time is almost near; the game of Hide and Seek will eventually come to blows and one of the twins will march off into their house, screaming at the other and the game will officially be over.
The doorbell rings all day. Kids funnel in and out, and the beat of Highland Place is strong. Last night, 10 kids represented - all growing up in a solid existence, all learning, all influenced, and all changing at each other's side.
I set the baby down from my hold, he walks down the hall, babbling; this too, will one day, only be a memory.
Thanks for listening.
"It's a boy!" my neighbor shouts from her car window as she and her husband slow down the car on their way home from her doctor's appointment. "We are going to have a boy!" This was 7 years ago and the little baby who toddled in the wading pool on his front lawn is now, "IT" in the game of choice this evening.
Ding Dong goes the door bell and Clifford, the Big Red Dog is standing before me, too shy to say, "Trick or Treat" so his parents say it for him. He is all but 3 or years of age. I think back to the times of walking this little one up to his home - the three houses stood together in monumental form. Navigation and guidance were required at such a young age. The now 11 year old has been in our house all day playing Legos, Wii and Risk with his counterpart, Simon. The two run from front lawn, across the street and tag the mailbox..."SAFE!" I hear them shout in unison.
"Katie, Daniel has run off again....can you call me if you see him?" This little boy, with so much to give the world, unleashes himself frequently from his own ties that bind. He marches to his own beat. At 3 years of age, he and Simon walk arm and arm down to the bus stop to say good bye to their older brothers venturing into the world of Kindergarten. The relationship between friend and son has been volatile, but both boys have grown together and each one is better for knowing the other. I look out the window and comically, the barefoot 11 year old stands frozen behind a skinny tree branch.
A Christmas card hung on our wall with a woman, her husband, her 12 year old daughter and a message that a baby will soon be coming into the world. a couple years later, another card came with the family of 4; and another was soon to make an entrance. This family has led a quiet existence. The two babies, now 7 and 5 are showing themselves more and more as they grow. Two more have added themselves to the crop that grows on this child laden street.
The 2 year old twins, who long ago showed up on this street in diapers, now reign in control with skateboards, baseball mitts, bats, balls, scooters, and bikes. These boys seek no borders and we have had our share of challenges trying to deal and educate our own children in times of quandary. The 7 year olds fight over who is really *not* it and which one is going to quit the game if they don't get their way and which rules are meant to be broken. With this, I watch from my placement near the window, check my watch and wonder if the time is almost near; the game of Hide and Seek will eventually come to blows and one of the twins will march off into their house, screaming at the other and the game will officially be over.
The doorbell rings all day. Kids funnel in and out, and the beat of Highland Place is strong. Last night, 10 kids represented - all growing up in a solid existence, all learning, all influenced, and all changing at each other's side.
I set the baby down from my hold, he walks down the hall, babbling; this too, will one day, only be a memory.
Thanks for listening.
Friday, July 16, 2010
And I Wait....and Wait.....Swinging
Scooby -Doo fills the scene for three tired offspring. Little one is content gazing out window and reading board book in crib, husband is at work and all I have is....well, what I want; unscheduled moments of me. I have brought my notebook out to the deck, fixed myself an iced coffee, lit the candles and breathed in my environment. A cacophony of birds compliment the surround. All is present and ready - but my mind. It is adrift and I wonder why. It is cluttered and giving me a headache. These are moments I yearn for, beg for and take in with incredible advantage and tonight, I am "All dressed up with no where to go."
There is nothing to write and I apologize to those who will soon be getting a copy of this??? What *is* this?
I am spoiled and cynical, but grateful all the same.
My pendulum swings freely from it's weight above; it moves slowly, but with great weight and precision; once arriving and leaving within the same breath. Continuing without effort. Within the exactness of those moments, all is defined and never to be mimicked in style, taste, or condition- with risk of becoming out of sync. I am under.
I often take view from an aeral point; looking down, watching the maze unfold, keeping in time with each swing of the pendulum. Watching in moments, the convergence of time: my time - from past to present to future. Without control, you swing on the wire, grasping and breathing and watching your outstretched fingers melt away.
Some days, gravity plays games and a day, month or year disappears in a single swing of the pendulum. Other times, it pulls with great force and there is no fighting, just questioning of involvement and need.
The ubiquitous pendulum
So, I have found this niche and carved out another etch in history. Nothing significant, nothing short of boring and mundane - just writing a moment away as I swing upon my pendulum
Thanks for listening.
There is nothing to write and I apologize to those who will soon be getting a copy of this??? What *is* this?
I am spoiled and cynical, but grateful all the same.
My pendulum swings freely from it's weight above; it moves slowly, but with great weight and precision; once arriving and leaving within the same breath. Continuing without effort. Within the exactness of those moments, all is defined and never to be mimicked in style, taste, or condition- with risk of becoming out of sync. I am under.
I often take view from an aeral point; looking down, watching the maze unfold, keeping in time with each swing of the pendulum. Watching in moments, the convergence of time: my time - from past to present to future. Without control, you swing on the wire, grasping and breathing and watching your outstretched fingers melt away.
Some days, gravity plays games and a day, month or year disappears in a single swing of the pendulum. Other times, it pulls with great force and there is no fighting, just questioning of involvement and need.
The ubiquitous pendulum
So, I have found this niche and carved out another etch in history. Nothing significant, nothing short of boring and mundane - just writing a moment away as I swing upon my pendulum
Thanks for listening.
Friday, July 9, 2010
A Different Kinda Taste
13 years ago....I was teaching half time, my husband worked out of a cubicle, and our home had barely seen the transformation it has today. I was a young mother to Perry. My days were spent learning and transforming myself into his 'mom-mom.' This was, unfortunately, met with much resentment, as I fought daily between my old/new self. Our lives quickly transpired from one child to three in a short smattering of time. I was barely educated enough to have one child and in quick revelations, I had three car seats and a van. As the house transformed, so did our lives, our careers, our outlooks, and our perspectives. I was no longer resentful and my head was in the game. Mothering was to be a serious commitment and not to be taken lightly. My stepping stone children were either going to thrive or falter under my guidance...it was a heavy load to bare (and still is in present day).
16 months ago....I was homeschooling my children, my husband was building a new kind of office and our home lived through the noise of nailing 2 x 4s, drilling, cementing, knocking down, and adding on. I am aging through this mothering process but my vision is not as muddled as it was when I was young.
This week, I have had the experience of being a single mother to a single baby. The other three have been away and will be returning sometime tomorrow afternoon. I have enjoyed without drudgery, I have experienced without resentment, I have laughed and lifted and twirled without force. I think back to when it was just Perry and me and i wonder, "What was all the drama about? How hard would it have been to enjoy it? Why did those years slip into the next without the attention and examination that is clearly present today?"
hmmm. No closing, simply examination.
Thanks for listening.
16 months ago....I was homeschooling my children, my husband was building a new kind of office and our home lived through the noise of nailing 2 x 4s, drilling, cementing, knocking down, and adding on. I am aging through this mothering process but my vision is not as muddled as it was when I was young.
This week, I have had the experience of being a single mother to a single baby. The other three have been away and will be returning sometime tomorrow afternoon. I have enjoyed without drudgery, I have experienced without resentment, I have laughed and lifted and twirled without force. I think back to when it was just Perry and me and i wonder, "What was all the drama about? How hard would it have been to enjoy it? Why did those years slip into the next without the attention and examination that is clearly present today?"
hmmm. No closing, simply examination.
Thanks for listening.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
That's Right, I Was!
Today, after entering the house at 5:00, my oldest says, "I'm going to my friends house, I will be back by dinner!" I reply, "No, stay home for a bit. You have been gone all day." and the great come back is: "Ya, so.....so have you." I tell him that I had no choice in the matter and he argues that I do. I *do* in fact have a choice in the matter. I guess that is true.
Here are my choices from morning until now
1. Should I take my aspirin with my coffee or at the end of the day after all the driving and incessant beeping of road construction trucks backing up in my neighborhood all day long. Hindering any kind of easy transportation in and out.
1A. Do I sit with oldest child that is doing summer school in home and help guide him through - teaching him the basics of spelling and writing and math, or do I take my coffee on the deck and close the door on all children.
2. Do I take child to swimming before or after I lay down the crabby baby for his nap.
3. Do I spend simon's 35 minute swim time running to shops to make sure the little sister has gifts to open tomorrow - as she will be away on her birthday, so we will celebrate it tomorrow - or do i wait until 9pm when all are asleep.
4. Do i drive down *this* street that is blocked by construction crews; not allowing me into my street, or should i drive down *that* street that is blocked by construction crews, not allowing me into my street.
5. Do I wake up sleeping baby before or after I take second child to swimming lessons and how is it that I am going to fit in third child's piano lesson again?
6. Should I spend 35 minutes of my precious day talking to a T-Mobile tech support guy or should I just let my broken phone sit on the table without anyone being able to get ahold me me
7. Which mall should I go to, to pick up my 'loner' cell phone. the one that is 4.5 miles away or the one that is 5.2 miles away. Wow, this day really *was* packed with choices.
8. Should I walk all the way back up to my house (car is parked on a different street) after i forgot a very important piece of paper? or run the risk of salesperson not being able to help me because I dont have the piece of paper?
9. Should I leave the baby in the car or should I bring him with me, all the way up the street on a very hot day? (ended up taking jeep into street and parking quickly at neighbors house - engine running, katie running, you get the point.
10. Should I take the little girl so proud of her "Summer Reading" accomplishment to Barnes and Noble now for her reward (as she is begging), or maybe another day when things aren't as hectic.
11. What should we have for dinner?
So, I have plenty of choices - my oldest was right.
Here are my choices from morning until now
1. Should I take my aspirin with my coffee or at the end of the day after all the driving and incessant beeping of road construction trucks backing up in my neighborhood all day long. Hindering any kind of easy transportation in and out.
1A. Do I sit with oldest child that is doing summer school in home and help guide him through - teaching him the basics of spelling and writing and math, or do I take my coffee on the deck and close the door on all children.
2. Do I take child to swimming before or after I lay down the crabby baby for his nap.
3. Do I spend simon's 35 minute swim time running to shops to make sure the little sister has gifts to open tomorrow - as she will be away on her birthday, so we will celebrate it tomorrow - or do i wait until 9pm when all are asleep.
4. Do i drive down *this* street that is blocked by construction crews; not allowing me into my street, or should i drive down *that* street that is blocked by construction crews, not allowing me into my street.
5. Do I wake up sleeping baby before or after I take second child to swimming lessons and how is it that I am going to fit in third child's piano lesson again?
6. Should I spend 35 minutes of my precious day talking to a T-Mobile tech support guy or should I just let my broken phone sit on the table without anyone being able to get ahold me me
7. Which mall should I go to, to pick up my 'loner' cell phone. the one that is 4.5 miles away or the one that is 5.2 miles away. Wow, this day really *was* packed with choices.
8. Should I walk all the way back up to my house (car is parked on a different street) after i forgot a very important piece of paper? or run the risk of salesperson not being able to help me because I dont have the piece of paper?
9. Should I leave the baby in the car or should I bring him with me, all the way up the street on a very hot day? (ended up taking jeep into street and parking quickly at neighbors house - engine running, katie running, you get the point.
10. Should I take the little girl so proud of her "Summer Reading" accomplishment to Barnes and Noble now for her reward (as she is begging), or maybe another day when things aren't as hectic.
11. What should we have for dinner?
So, I have plenty of choices - my oldest was right.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
DEXTER
I am involved with another man. His name is Dexter. He is a fictitious character produced by Showtime TV. John is away for the week and that means that Dexter and I have some alone time.
Blood Pathologist by day, Serial Killer by night. I am drawn to his intriguing and cerebral reality. His writers are keen and insightful and they too, live within the passion and picture of words.
Dexter is a Logophile, such as my self-proclaimed self. Each night, i sit upon the couch with my notebook and I listen intently to the words - the slow and penetrating sound of his text. I listen and copy down my favorites. Here are a few:
FAVORITE DEXTER QUOTES
He taught me how to think like one; he taught me how to cover my tracks. I'm a very neat monster.
My sister puts up a front so people won't know how vulnerable she really is. Me? I put up a front so people won't know how vulnerable I'm not.
The worst thing about finally putting together a puzzle is finding there are missing pieces. He came back and left nothing behind but a message: come find me, and I will.
There are no secrets in life, just hidden truths that lie beneath the surface. (Favorite thus far)
Harry taught me that death isn't the end. It's the beginning of a chain reaction that will catch you if you're not careful. He taught me that none of us are who we appear to be on the outside. But we must maintain appearances to survive. But there was something Harry didn't teach me. Something he didn't know, couldn't possibly know. The willful taking of life represents the ultimate disconnect from humanity. It leaves you an outsider, forever looking in, searching for company to keep.
I love Halloween. The one time of year when everyone wears a mask … not just me. People think it's fun to pretend you're a monster. Me, I spend my life pretending I'm not
Some people might call me a fraud. ...I prefer to think of myself as a master of disguise.
Harry was the only one who saw me, really saw me. So he taught me to hide and that's what's kept me safe. But sometimes I'm not sure where Harry's vision of me ends and where the real me starts. If I'm just a collection of learned behaviors, bits and pieces of Harry, maybe my new friend is right. Maybe I am a fraud.
"Be prepared" – that's my motto. The Boy Scouts and I have that in common. Of course, there's no merit badge for tonight's outing.
Blood Pathologist by day, Serial Killer by night. I am drawn to his intriguing and cerebral reality. His writers are keen and insightful and they too, live within the passion and picture of words.
Dexter is a Logophile, such as my self-proclaimed self. Each night, i sit upon the couch with my notebook and I listen intently to the words - the slow and penetrating sound of his text. I listen and copy down my favorites. Here are a few:
FAVORITE DEXTER QUOTES
He taught me how to think like one; he taught me how to cover my tracks. I'm a very neat monster.
My sister puts up a front so people won't know how vulnerable she really is. Me? I put up a front so people won't know how vulnerable I'm not.
The worst thing about finally putting together a puzzle is finding there are missing pieces. He came back and left nothing behind but a message: come find me, and I will.
There are no secrets in life, just hidden truths that lie beneath the surface. (Favorite thus far)
Harry taught me that death isn't the end. It's the beginning of a chain reaction that will catch you if you're not careful. He taught me that none of us are who we appear to be on the outside. But we must maintain appearances to survive. But there was something Harry didn't teach me. Something he didn't know, couldn't possibly know. The willful taking of life represents the ultimate disconnect from humanity. It leaves you an outsider, forever looking in, searching for company to keep.
I love Halloween. The one time of year when everyone wears a mask … not just me. People think it's fun to pretend you're a monster. Me, I spend my life pretending I'm not
Some people might call me a fraud. ...I prefer to think of myself as a master of disguise.
Harry was the only one who saw me, really saw me. So he taught me to hide and that's what's kept me safe. But sometimes I'm not sure where Harry's vision of me ends and where the real me starts. If I'm just a collection of learned behaviors, bits and pieces of Harry, maybe my new friend is right. Maybe I am a fraud.
"Be prepared" – that's my motto. The Boy Scouts and I have that in common. Of course, there's no merit badge for tonight's outing.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
The Allure of Secrets
Last night, we were at a family gathering. Grandpa was turning 80. When all are gathered around the table, the pinball action of conversation is at times, hard to follow. It is great, educational, loud, comical and heartwarming.
Last night, a man was turning 80. The past of this man is filled with an array of colorful chapters. We sat and listened with fascination as he talked about his life as a child. Across from him, sat his mother-in-law; a woman on the verge of turning 90. Earlier that week, she had lunch with 10 or so alumni of her high school class. The yearbooks were brought out, the memories were recharged and again, the conversations were as quick as a well orchestrated jitterbug.
The daughter, acting as Chaperon, retold of the experience of taking her mother to her luncheon on school grounds. She captivated me. The daughter found herself reading through her mother's yearbook, all the friends who had signed - memorializing a moment that was brought back in this evening's conversation. We found ourselves laughing at the trend of the word, but more than that, we openly questioned her on those who had signed themselves into history. "What did he mean by that, Mom?" "Did you ditch class that often?" "Why would she say *that*?" "Tell us what happened that night, Mom?"
The Matriarch of the family played coy - batting her head back and forth - her mind, competing over the memory of her time, spoke: "I don't know what you are talking about," she said simply and repeatedly.The secrets were solid and locked.
In a day of Facebook, Twitter, Blogging and the almost forgotten, My Space, there are no secrets. We are an open book, literally. Conversations take different direction now - segmented with interruption, "Oh yeah, I saw you did that on Facebook," or, "That's right, you wrote about it in your blog." "I see, by your Twitter update, that you were able to go see that movie yesterday."
There was a freshness to last night. We (or I), was an invited guest to an 80 year old man's filled and challenging life and to an almost 90 year old woman's alluring past. The attractiveness is strong and I desire change without my own communication. I do not wish to be an open book, as if modeling my wares in storefront window for all to see.
I close this post with a new direction.
Thanks for listening,
Katie
Last night, a man was turning 80. The past of this man is filled with an array of colorful chapters. We sat and listened with fascination as he talked about his life as a child. Across from him, sat his mother-in-law; a woman on the verge of turning 90. Earlier that week, she had lunch with 10 or so alumni of her high school class. The yearbooks were brought out, the memories were recharged and again, the conversations were as quick as a well orchestrated jitterbug.
The daughter, acting as Chaperon, retold of the experience of taking her mother to her luncheon on school grounds. She captivated me. The daughter found herself reading through her mother's yearbook, all the friends who had signed - memorializing a moment that was brought back in this evening's conversation. We found ourselves laughing at the trend of the word, but more than that, we openly questioned her on those who had signed themselves into history. "What did he mean by that, Mom?" "Did you ditch class that often?" "Why would she say *that*?" "Tell us what happened that night, Mom?"
The Matriarch of the family played coy - batting her head back and forth - her mind, competing over the memory of her time, spoke: "I don't know what you are talking about," she said simply and repeatedly.The secrets were solid and locked.
In a day of Facebook, Twitter, Blogging and the almost forgotten, My Space, there are no secrets. We are an open book, literally. Conversations take different direction now - segmented with interruption, "Oh yeah, I saw you did that on Facebook," or, "That's right, you wrote about it in your blog." "I see, by your Twitter update, that you were able to go see that movie yesterday."
There was a freshness to last night. We (or I), was an invited guest to an 80 year old man's filled and challenging life and to an almost 90 year old woman's alluring past. The attractiveness is strong and I desire change without my own communication. I do not wish to be an open book, as if modeling my wares in storefront window for all to see.
I close this post with a new direction.
Thanks for listening,
Katie
Monday, June 21, 2010
The Reality of My Reality
This evening, after dinner conversation and all were excused from table; i began to clean up. The 15th month old was getting his hands full of whatever exciting bacteria lives within the opened dishwasher, the 3 remaining dispersed to their chosen place of being and as the husband picked up the 15th month old, my mind happily took me back to Europe. My eyes traveled from soapy sponge to my already 'back in America' trend of Capris pants and tank top and I spoke aloud, "John, after this is cleaned, I am going to take a few quiet moments to write...I don't need to go anywhere, but maybe I will close the door and take in some solitude." Husband's response (with good intention), "Let's put this one (baby) down first and you can have all the moments you want."
So, wanting to take in and process present reality; i am shifted. Baby does not go down easily as planned. I find myself singing, and reading books to this little one, thinking, "You are taking me away from my needed transciption of where i am, where i was, and affects. I am with you instead."
At end of routine, i walk down the hall, pick up my lap top and say " I will be out in back."
Taking in another attempt --- but really, an attempt at what? Words? Words to give body and depth? To what? A hurried desire?
Sitting on a chaise upon the lawn, swatting at mosquitoes on a humid evening, taking in sound of baseball game across the street, a ringing telephone, a neighbor's laugh and a weed whacker finishing off this orchestral symphony; playing my song.
I ask for a moment to digest reality; but in truth, this IS my reality. It's fleeing, too quick to grab a hold, it's lost. Baby cries in the distance. Time to be *in* and take center stage in reality.
Thanks for listening
So, wanting to take in and process present reality; i am shifted. Baby does not go down easily as planned. I find myself singing, and reading books to this little one, thinking, "You are taking me away from my needed transciption of where i am, where i was, and affects. I am with you instead."
At end of routine, i walk down the hall, pick up my lap top and say " I will be out in back."
Taking in another attempt --- but really, an attempt at what? Words? Words to give body and depth? To what? A hurried desire?
Sitting on a chaise upon the lawn, swatting at mosquitoes on a humid evening, taking in sound of baseball game across the street, a ringing telephone, a neighbor's laugh and a weed whacker finishing off this orchestral symphony; playing my song.
I ask for a moment to digest reality; but in truth, this IS my reality. It's fleeing, too quick to grab a hold, it's lost. Baby cries in the distance. Time to be *in* and take center stage in reality.
Thanks for listening
Thursday, June 17, 2010
And They Lived Happily Ever After.....The.....End
I have taken it all in and therefore, my mind has grown from the experience; Europe ignited my senses.
I sit, weary with heavy eyes, wondering if i am capable of completing the next sentence, but drawn to finish off this last chapter.
Yesterday, I sat in a coffee shop in Iceland. Today, I sit at the head of the dining table in my existence of home.
PARIS: She takes the role of the oldest sibling; confident, serious, respected, scholarly and reliable. We arrived in Paris with a desire to learn from her and she did not disappoint.
Random Mind Spree: gelato, Seine, walking, narrow streets, crepes, smile on children, espresso, chocolate croissants, writing, naive, clarity, parks, untouchable, cuisine, architecture, family - cousins reunite.
STRASBOURG: The grandfather who quietly sits in the corner, listening to the conversation filling the room, but lost in memory of times past. Strasbourg has seen it all, and without pretense, unobtrusively immerses you within the experience. Telling a remarkable story, if willing to listen. Strasbourg is wise, unassuming, and solid.
Random Mind Spree: Napoleon, Emperor with no shoes, writing on steps of the cathedral, building with green windows, finding hat for Simon, Martin Luther, Reconstruction, reminds me of The Giving Tree, two hotel rooms, john and I have an evening alone with kids next door (sid with us), high school students 'hanging out' after class on Cathedral steps.
GUNZBURG: This is the crazy relative that no one really mentions, but kids have connection. Nobody visits Gunzberg unless they are out of gas, lost, on the verge of a mental breakdown, or have an inkling to visit Legoland! Unfortunately, Gunzburg is also the birth place of Dr. Joseph Mengele : chief medical officer in Auschwitz.
Random Mind Spree: Legoland, Legoland, Legoland. First beer in Germany at food stand in the "Pirate" themed section of park. 10am to 6pm. Kids saw it all. tacky hotel. Bad breakfast. 80's music playing on speakers all night long.
FUSSEN: The emulated relative no one really knows, but craves conversation, appreciating and identifying a gain within relationship.
Random Mind Spree: Alps, Neuschwanstein, Mary's Gorge, Hike up to Castle holding Sidney, drinking beer, talking to john, feet up on deck, sweatshirt, view, swimming pool, lake, Seespitz hat for john, "He's the boss!", Bavarian dress, trying to find Kul Kaffe, buying Sidney's backpack for Iceland trip, would have come in handy during hike (sans stroller) up mountain the day earlier.
FRANKFURT: We really did not see much of Frankfurt, as we were just outside in city called Kronberg - my sister lives in Kronberg. An etch in time with family. Visiting with cousins and sister. We went to the zoo in Kronberg one day and then rode the train the next day into downtown Frankurt for ice cream, shopping and World Cup viewing.
Randon Mind Spree: swimming, chandeliers, marble stairs, baby Sidney, birthday cake, trampoline, lots of laundry, hotel down the street for John, Sidney and I, Frankfurt Airport, Europcar and gas.
ICELAND: The uber cool teenager, content, grateful, talented, unique. Iceland impacted my senses and complicated my views.
Random Mind Spree: GPS Unit, roundabouts, rock, moss, waterfall, vikings, laws, hiking, cool, sun not setting, expensive, trying to reason.
We are now home, we are all in bed, the chapter to this book is now coming to a close and as we turn to the very last page, the author pauses with intended significance and slowly puts forth the sentence all desire to hear, "And they all lived happily ever after."
Thanks for listening.
I sit, weary with heavy eyes, wondering if i am capable of completing the next sentence, but drawn to finish off this last chapter.
Yesterday, I sat in a coffee shop in Iceland. Today, I sit at the head of the dining table in my existence of home.
PARIS: She takes the role of the oldest sibling; confident, serious, respected, scholarly and reliable. We arrived in Paris with a desire to learn from her and she did not disappoint.
Random Mind Spree: gelato, Seine, walking, narrow streets, crepes, smile on children, espresso, chocolate croissants, writing, naive, clarity, parks, untouchable, cuisine, architecture, family - cousins reunite.
STRASBOURG: The grandfather who quietly sits in the corner, listening to the conversation filling the room, but lost in memory of times past. Strasbourg has seen it all, and without pretense, unobtrusively immerses you within the experience. Telling a remarkable story, if willing to listen. Strasbourg is wise, unassuming, and solid.
Random Mind Spree: Napoleon, Emperor with no shoes, writing on steps of the cathedral, building with green windows, finding hat for Simon, Martin Luther, Reconstruction, reminds me of The Giving Tree, two hotel rooms, john and I have an evening alone with kids next door (sid with us), high school students 'hanging out' after class on Cathedral steps.
GUNZBURG: This is the crazy relative that no one really mentions, but kids have connection. Nobody visits Gunzberg unless they are out of gas, lost, on the verge of a mental breakdown, or have an inkling to visit Legoland! Unfortunately, Gunzburg is also the birth place of Dr. Joseph Mengele : chief medical officer in Auschwitz.
Random Mind Spree: Legoland, Legoland, Legoland. First beer in Germany at food stand in the "Pirate" themed section of park. 10am to 6pm. Kids saw it all. tacky hotel. Bad breakfast. 80's music playing on speakers all night long.
FUSSEN: The emulated relative no one really knows, but craves conversation, appreciating and identifying a gain within relationship.
Random Mind Spree: Alps, Neuschwanstein, Mary's Gorge, Hike up to Castle holding Sidney, drinking beer, talking to john, feet up on deck, sweatshirt, view, swimming pool, lake, Seespitz hat for john, "He's the boss!", Bavarian dress, trying to find Kul Kaffe, buying Sidney's backpack for Iceland trip, would have come in handy during hike (sans stroller) up mountain the day earlier.
FRANKFURT: We really did not see much of Frankfurt, as we were just outside in city called Kronberg - my sister lives in Kronberg. An etch in time with family. Visiting with cousins and sister. We went to the zoo in Kronberg one day and then rode the train the next day into downtown Frankurt for ice cream, shopping and World Cup viewing.
Randon Mind Spree: swimming, chandeliers, marble stairs, baby Sidney, birthday cake, trampoline, lots of laundry, hotel down the street for John, Sidney and I, Frankfurt Airport, Europcar and gas.
ICELAND: The uber cool teenager, content, grateful, talented, unique. Iceland impacted my senses and complicated my views.
Random Mind Spree: GPS Unit, roundabouts, rock, moss, waterfall, vikings, laws, hiking, cool, sun not setting, expensive, trying to reason.
We are now home, we are all in bed, the chapter to this book is now coming to a close and as we turn to the very last page, the author pauses with intended significance and slowly puts forth the sentence all desire to hear, "And they all lived happily ever after."
Thanks for listening.
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