"you're name is katie? that's awesome..."

The cute blond 14 year old with a feather in her hair responds with this after I introduce myself as Mrs. Avenson, Perry's mom. "I saw your name in the school directory;  you're name's Katie?  That's awesome."  I nodded with a confident yes, indicating back to her that yes, indeed, it *is* awesome that my name is Katie.  She took a handful of chips and walked out of the room.

As the sun rose, filling my kitchen with a soft glow, the impending evening looked so much different than what played out in reality.   School dance for 2 boys.  A church lock in for a 10 year old and a very independent and quiet evening with husband and baby.  Maybe escape for a few hours here or there.

But I do not have the gift of prophecy, and consequentially, have to live accordingly.

Afternoon Text:
P: Is it okay if I hold the anti-dance at our house tonight?  (for those of you not in the know - the anti dance is when a group of kids think it is cool to ban the officially organized school dance)
 *** This text was sent at 12:54 - at the tail end of Perry's lunch period

M: How many

P: Around 10 - 14

M: No!  5 - 6 friends, yes.  No more than that.
***I can easily say yes to the 5 - 6 simply because I know these kids.  I see them weekly and during the summer days, I see them daily.  And, I like them all.

From there; communication went all down hill.  The teenager who forever is noted as a keen negotiator ultimately played his father and I against the other - blaming it all on miscommunication.  This makes me laugh --- now.  earlier, it was a different story.

Looking through Perry's phone just minutes ago, within the hour of the first initial communication to mom -  texts went flying out to all his friends, "So, I am probably hosting the anti-dance party tonight, let me know if you can come."   Going back further in his texts, late the other night, perry had sent out a mass text asking, "Soooo, do we know who is going to host the Anti-Dance party."  The wheels were already in motion.

The 5 - 6 friends turned quickly into 12 and how we got to this was a path that was not part of my morning vision early today.  It was rocky, it was loud, it was exhausting.

I explained to my son, you ultimately had a choice in how this played out this evening.  You could have had a mom who reacted with kindness, support, and excitement.  Instead, your mother put her head down and silently said to herself, "I can' t believe he is asking of me again."  I explained that if he was a balanced member in this family - if he contributed his time, his conversation, his responsibility then my decision would easily have been made.  Instead, he received a mother full of question and lack of willingness.  It had nothing to do with the impact of my evening.  It had everything to do with his motivation as a teen and member.

I went to the store, i bought a bag of cheap tortilla chips, a jar of salsa,  a canister of lemonade and a box of fruit snacks.

Yummy Party Eats! Beautiful Display

Displaying the contents on the table, I say. "Perry, *this* is what this party looks like to me.  This is the effort I am willing to give it.  You don't get the mom who wants to help you make the most of the evening.  This is what it looks like; when you take advantage of situations provided for you."

Soon after my TV talk show mantra, John entered from work.  "Perry, explain to me why you told me that mom told you 8 kids would be okay and why you asked me to bump it up to 11?"

Perry looked a bit bewildered -- trying to figure out how his separate conversations between the parents got back to the other.

Ironically, during our conversation, Perry's phone began to receive one text after the next about this person being able to come and that person being able to come.  He looked confused, discouraged, and out of luck.  Trying his best, he asked, 'What am I supposed to do? All these people want to come now."   We responded, "You tell them that you are very sorry, but they can not come."  We also added that if he wants to feed his friends any more than what is provided, he has to figure that out as well.

Now, sitting here as all the kids dance in the adjacent room, I laugh as I read through perry's frantic text messages from friends. "What do you mean I can't come now?"  "If i bring a bag of chips, can I come."  "If i don't have anything to bring, can I still come?"  "SO, i can't come at 7?  Can I come at 8 instead?" "So, Amy is not coming.  Can I come now?"  "But, you told me to invite the guys at the lunch table next to us." "I don't think i understand."

Perry had his own mess to clean up.  I grabbed my keys, got the other two children into the car and took them to their respective evening destinations.

The Disco LED Light Show

Upon returning, I counted the heads of kids bopping around the room with mood lighting, disco lights, and glow sticks....9 in total.  Some had brought food and perry was happy.

I have to admit, it was fun to see him squirm for a bit.  His best laid plans unraveling before him and his parents were not willing to cast him a line.

I asked him just now, "Perry, how do you think your party is going?"
"It's better than I thought it would be."
"How so?"
"Well, i wanted to get more stuff set up, i would have liked to have more people, but i think everyone is having fun."

Parenting is hard.  I am not at all afraid to admit this.  Earlier today, I called my husband as I was picking up the 2/$3.00 tortilla chips.  "Hi," he said as he answered the phone.  "So, when are you and I going to enroll in the Hard Ass School of Parenting?  Why are we so soft?  I told him 5 to 6 kids and now, apparently he told me that you said 8 kids was okay,"  "No.  He told me that YOU said 8 was okay."

My child simply wants to enjoy time with his friends.  That is it.  A parent who was chaperoning the school dance this evening texted to tell me that the girls who set their purses down inevitably had things stolen out of them.  I know this is not where my children are at.  I can be thankful of this.

_____

The party is now over.  All 9 guests left the house with smiles on their faces, gratitude on their lips, and memories of a 9th grade "Anti-Dance" party.  I hope I did good.

Thanks for listening.