Change in Tide

Earlier this afternoon, I was all but ready to post another "motherly angst against teenager" post.  As I drive 12 year old to a school event, I made the conscious decision to simply bury the issue.  I came home, hugged my 14 year old and told him I loved him  and sarcastically added that we will make it through.  Albeit a humorous additive to life, this is not what holds down the weight to my days.  The significance to my life always and forever will be my husband and children and I have ultimatelly found balance between my home environment, my need and desire to parent my children and my goal to be a supportive wife to my husband.

 But....

I am again, called to grieve and carry on with a friend.

This past December, Joy had to deliver some life changing news to her children. In addition, her back gave out on her and she has been coping in this life during the Christmas season with a very compromised physicality.  

Without wanting to face the reality, it has been getting progressively worse and because of this, her world has been in great need.   Today, her 10 year old daughter and I went out to complete the birthday shopping for the soon to be 13 year old this Saturday.  Upon returning home, Joy texts me to let me know that she her leg is going numb below her knee.  She calls the doctor and he orders an MRI.  How do you go to an ER with 4 scared kids and tell them that Mommy needs to get an MRI....the understanding that a back needs to be fixed is the logical view, but the emotional weight of a sick parent is too much to carry on young souls.

As she and I were on the phone talking, my 14 year old was outside shoveling the remainder of the snow off the driveway.  He was in great need of raising the remainder of his Ski Lift Ticket.  I approached him with a smile on my face, "Well, dear, you are in good luck, I need to go to the hospital, and YOU get to babysit your baby brother.  You should be free and clear with your finances by tomorrow."

So, with great enforcement, one friend comes in, gathers all of Joy's children to bring them to Grandmas house.  I arrive and get Joy into the car.

I sit as she lays upon the bed and tell her that I am writing.  I do not tell her that I am tearing on the inside as to why this is happening.  There is no *good* in this.  The intake nurse states, "It says here that David Plaisted is your emergency contact - is this still the case?"  "No, he died in March" came the quiet reply.

I write.  I write through the bad, the awful,, the ugly and the good.  I am trying to find the good.

Tomorrow, I will pile 5 large teenagers in my car with skis and snowboards, helmets, boots, etc.  I am able to afford a living memory for my son and I think to a certain degree, I am encouraging this friendship that he has with his very good friends.  Friends that any mom would be happy to have in her home.  This is good.

Thanks for listening.

Among Other Things

this past week was supposed to be our first week of school. It barely happened and in a blink, it was already Friday.

Typically, during the month of August, I slowly break myself in. I visit one coffee shop after the next; laptop on table, books surround, music in my ears and I scope out the year: goals, curriculum, sequence, outcomes, bullet points and agendas. I visit book stores to load up on read alouds, thematic works, artful prose and inspiring authors. I flip through pages on the net, looking for that "I have to have it" find...order it and await it's arrival. i book field trips and all aspects of education click and fit together. September - May has a 'look' to it. I look forward to this time, to break away and find the passion that had flickered out by the last day of school. I look forward to that "First Day" of school excitement that I plan out and present to the kids.

I have not visited any coffee shops, a book store, once; and quickly - in fast paced thought, bought some CDs online, simply because I did not have the time to go out and buy it first hand.

August came in quickly and left without even saying good bye.

As soon as Perry started school, i thought i would at least have that one last week to get settled in a quasi fashion - but there has been no down time. I settled into a quiet day last Friday and did nothing (for a change - i even found myself taking in an afternoon nap. I needed this time. In retrospect, it was my only alone time I had had since the middle of august. I reveled in Sidney's nap on this day).

We began Monday with a breakfast out to a bagel shop (kids request) and followed by a visit to church to 'check in' with the newly hired children's ministry director (I am on the CM committee). The three kids played downstairs while i helped out with Children's Ministry and assumed the role of getting our Sunday School program off and running by the 19th of this month. 5 rotating stations, filled with curriculum. So, Monday was a wash. we came home, looked through our school boxes, talked about what we would like to accomplish this year and called it a day. Tuesday I was back at church - but only after I put Sidney down for his nap and read aloud our first book of the year --- something I picked up last year and has absolutely nothing to do with our current study (although, there *is* no current study). Wednesday, we had dentist appointments, church, errands to run for Thursday and choir. Thursday was piano lessons and getting ready for later that night. Thursday evening was our first homeschool meeting of the year --- this was all planned, organized, and executed by yours truly - so when i wasn't running around planning church things, i was trying to fit in time to get an agenda together and all the paper work that needed to be organized for Thursday's meeting. Also, because we were hosting it at All Saints Church (my church), i took it upon myself to decorate the very bland church room that we were assigned. more running - but what a welcoming site when these women entered. Thursday came and went and Friday was Simon's pre-op in the morning and Perry's cross country meet and banquet in the afternoon/evening. This weekend opened up with a father in law coming to visit for two days, a child who had piano at 11:15, another child who had a soccer game at one park at 11:15 and a third child who had yet another game at 11:15 at a different park. Upon arriving back at home by 12:30, I put sidney down for his nap, packed up my blue plastic bin of stuff and headed back to church to design and put together a prayer station for tomorrow morning's rally day (the congregation will enter in a made up room of Jesus' home. I designed His living room/dining room with a sign (our rally motto) "Come, Taste and See." It looks lovely. Sunday - rally day. I will be there all day. Monday will come and it will be Simon's surgery. Tuesday, a play date. Wednesday, Photography class with grandma and grandpa....THANK YOU grandma and grandpa. This will be the highlight of the week, confirmation class, choir class and the new W.O.W Wednesdays at church from 5:30 - 6:30. Friday begins homeschool gym - close to 30 families have signed up for this gym class in which I lead.

This is not a bragging post - but an introspection into my life at the moment. I can't breath! Literally, I can not take in deep breaths and when the stress is higher than usual (when i went to church and figured that no one was paying attention to next week's Sunday school), i almost passed out. with each passing activity (mhea meeting, station being completed, rally day put together....), I find that i am able to take in breaths on a more regular basis. But until I have something concrete in front of me in regards to my children's education - i'm afraid that I will continue to be short of breath.

You say, "Katie, learn to say no." That's not the point.
1. MHEA - We are a board of 7. Each one has a job. Mine is to be the director. That is *my* responsibility. It is fine throughout the year. it just happened to come up in the midst of stuff.

2. Sunday School: This was an "I stumbled upon it while trying to help scenario, She has her own overwhelming moment and in trying to help, i .....well, there is no finishing that sentence.

3. Homeschool Gym: again, a no brainer. It would be a piece of cake if i had had time - but like I said, August was in need of my attention in other facets rather than school.

So, this will be an interesting year. I have said in the past - my biggest obstacle will be working around Sidney and his needs and his own goals. But, presently, my only obstacle is me.

As my friends talk about their first weeks or the curriculum they have bought and planned or the field trips they have signed up for - i can say with confidence, "I think my kids will like the read aloud that i bought last January."

Deep Breath......and I mean it this time.