Yesterday afternoon, I was cleaning up our home mudroom. It wasn't anything horrific - an easy pick up and then mopping of the floors. The 14 year old comes down and in exasperation, states, 'Don't clean this up, this is what I am going to do for money tomorrow!" I continue on, as I wanted to get it out of the way and i was not in the mood to wait for his when and how. Today, late morning, I am vacuuming up the sunroom - as no one did it yesterday. From the downstairs playroom, he marches on up, opens the door and states, "Don't vacuum this room, this is what I am going to do today to earn money for skiing."
I finish up my job and wait around - as he pranced back downstairs to work on his latest lego design. An hour slips by, I take the liberty of folding the clothes, cleaning up breakfast dishes and dust. 12:00 roles around and he comes back upstairs with his proposed check list of chores for the day. He was a taken aback that many of them were already done.
I quickly call a family meeting -for this whole week as been one excuse after the next as to why the three of them can not do their intended chores. My voice raises as i explain to them the value of budgeting and prove to them that their father doesn't get to go to work on Monday and bring home money Monday evening. Or he doesn't get to go in on Tuesday and decide to work extra hard for just a little bit more cash. I had already instructed that 'pay day' is every other week and they have to budget their money. They look at me as if I was crazy. the 14 year old asks how is he supposed to go skiing tomorrow if he can't earn money today. I told them all that their mother has a compassionate heart and because she does (and because they seem to take advantage of this from time to time), I was willing to let them work today for money for tomorrow.
_______
Music lessons; we have two pianists and one guitarist. 75.00 a week goes out for this privilege. The expectation from teacher and parent is that practice is 5 days a week for 30 minutes. that has been a standard for quite some time. This past week, the dad says, "You have not been practicing. If this is important to you, you will find a way. If you do not find time to practice, you will be paying for your next up coming lesson." Present consequence: the two piano players will need to show up to class tomorrow with 25.00. The 10 year old always has a stash of cash and this didn't' seem to phase her. the 12 year old needs to figure out a way to earn 25.00.
----------
After conversation with the kids, I tell them that I am going to go take an hour to myself and jokingly tell them that I was going to go figure out a fool proof plan for chores in this family. We generally discuss what would be a good plan and I leave on a high note with them. We were laughing, I hugged them, told them that I love them and said i would be back in an hour and as i was closing the door behind me, I loudly said, 'Use this time wisely."
------------
3:40pm. I have been home for an hour and a half. the 14 year old has done some chores, but i have not inspected them. When i came home, he was desensitizing all the door handles and when he finished he came to me and said, "When you were gone, i looked on line for high paying chore jobs and cleaning the door handles pays out 5.00." To which i replied, "And who's family did this come from? ... Not yours"
The 12 and 10 year old were happily having lunch. As I conversed with them, I asked lightly, "So, what did you did during this hour to be productive?" "We read." came the unison answer.
3:42: 12 year old and 14 year old are outside with friends and will soon be going to the park. 10 year old is now asking if i can play a game of cards with her.
I told their father this morning that all this is going to rest with him when he gets home. Tonight, we will have a family meeting and one more chore system will be put into place. I have tried way too many and none seem to be successful. any ideas?
ongoing
thanks
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Friday, January 6, 2012
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Create A New Post
This is the title on the button I have to press if I want to get to this screen - the one that allows me to type away for all of those 2 readers out in Blogland.
We are venturing onto the 6th day of the new year .... 6 days of trying to live under a new intent. 6 days of reminiscing about the year past, and hoping that the proceeding minutes will deem significant.
A few hours before the ball dropped on Time Square, like many, i silently went through a list of resolutions, potential goals, and desires for the new year. Live simple. Live uncomplicated. Live a life of giving. Live with gratitude.
I write this and the sound in my head is something parallel to the record needle being scratched when stopped mid-song on the turn style (sp). A halt in motion. Teenagers add an unfortunate layer. Simple and Uncomplicated? Ha! Ya, I'd like to see that.
I know as a parent, i should take the back seat and appreciate this time -knowing that everything I am putting into them will intuitively be represented back in adult form. Radiant form. As adults, they will often reflect with colleagues, peers and friends, "Ah, one thing my mom always taught me was...." "My dad was really good at reminding us to....." "The best advice my mom gave me was...."
But still....HA!
No simple lives here and completely complicated. What are they learning?
1. If I want something, I have to work for it.....not over time, but just on the day that I want something. I want 10 dollars to go to the movies, I work for it on that day
2 Once I have achieved what I need, it is time to take a well deserved break
3. If I see someone (mom) doing work that could potentially earn *me* money, i might suggest they take a break until I can get to it when the time works best for me.
4. . My time is *my* time.
5. Someone else's time is still *my* time.
6. To negotiate is a gift
7. The value of the dollar is only a benefit when it is *my* dollar.
Aside conversation on the way home from the orthodontist after 14 year old gets his braces off. He received a congratulatory mylar balloon as well as a king sized Reese's Peanutbuter Cup.
12 year old to 14 year old: "Can I have one of your PB Cups??"
14 year old to 12 year old: "Only if you can pay me 100.00!"
14 year old to me: "Mom, do you want one of these?"
12 year old to 14 year old: "WHAT? Why does mom get one and I don't?"
14 year old to 12 year old: "Because she paid 5000.00 for it!"
12 year old to 14 year old: "Oh."
Husband's response after relaying it to him later that evening: "We really paid $5000.00 for his braces?"
So, as much as I have tried to untangle things over here in western suburbia....it just ain't working. Today, i was in the car more times than i can count and none of it was simple and it was all self-serving to the teenager(s).
But.... i have to end this on a decent note.
I know there are hard days, there are challenging days, there are days where i take one deep breath after the next ---- but I wouldn't trade it. I keep climbing that mountain with these children of mine - but know that each day is a blessing - i get this.
Thanks for listening
We are venturing onto the 6th day of the new year .... 6 days of trying to live under a new intent. 6 days of reminiscing about the year past, and hoping that the proceeding minutes will deem significant.
A few hours before the ball dropped on Time Square, like many, i silently went through a list of resolutions, potential goals, and desires for the new year. Live simple. Live uncomplicated. Live a life of giving. Live with gratitude.
I write this and the sound in my head is something parallel to the record needle being scratched when stopped mid-song on the turn style (sp). A halt in motion. Teenagers add an unfortunate layer. Simple and Uncomplicated? Ha! Ya, I'd like to see that.
I know as a parent, i should take the back seat and appreciate this time -knowing that everything I am putting into them will intuitively be represented back in adult form. Radiant form. As adults, they will often reflect with colleagues, peers and friends, "Ah, one thing my mom always taught me was...." "My dad was really good at reminding us to....." "The best advice my mom gave me was...."
But still....HA!
No simple lives here and completely complicated. What are they learning?
1. If I want something, I have to work for it.....not over time, but just on the day that I want something. I want 10 dollars to go to the movies, I work for it on that day
2 Once I have achieved what I need, it is time to take a well deserved break
3. If I see someone (mom) doing work that could potentially earn *me* money, i might suggest they take a break until I can get to it when the time works best for me.
4. . My time is *my* time.
5. Someone else's time is still *my* time.
6. To negotiate is a gift
7. The value of the dollar is only a benefit when it is *my* dollar.
Aside conversation on the way home from the orthodontist after 14 year old gets his braces off. He received a congratulatory mylar balloon as well as a king sized Reese's Peanutbuter Cup.
12 year old to 14 year old: "Can I have one of your PB Cups??"
14 year old to 12 year old: "Only if you can pay me 100.00!"
14 year old to me: "Mom, do you want one of these?"
12 year old to 14 year old: "WHAT? Why does mom get one and I don't?"
14 year old to 12 year old: "Because she paid 5000.00 for it!"
12 year old to 14 year old: "Oh."
Husband's response after relaying it to him later that evening: "We really paid $5000.00 for his braces?"
So, as much as I have tried to untangle things over here in western suburbia....it just ain't working. Today, i was in the car more times than i can count and none of it was simple and it was all self-serving to the teenager(s).
But.... i have to end this on a decent note.
I know there are hard days, there are challenging days, there are days where i take one deep breath after the next ---- but I wouldn't trade it. I keep climbing that mountain with these children of mine - but know that each day is a blessing - i get this.
Thanks for listening
Monday, December 19, 2011
Benevolence
December stresses me out because this is the month, as a parent, that I feel I need to ramp up all the good things we are supposed to do. My money to my local charities are padded and even my garbage man leaves me an envelope, enticing me to fill it with Christmas cash.
When December rolls around, I try to plan for "family moments" to share and embrace. I ask questions like, "What play should we go see this year?" "How can we volunteer to help others?" "What needs in church should be filled?" and the end result is stress. I am stressed and I don't need to be.
Why is it that the month of December needs to be a time to remember others?
Why am I asked in the month of December is I want to add an extra dollar here, or add in a $20.00 donation there? Why do I feel the pressure to place my kids under the miscroscope of "positiveness" and "charitability"
This year, I inducted a "Kindness Jar." and I told my kids that they only thing I want fof Christmas form them is a significant act of kindness. The "Kindness Jar" is a glass jar that sits upon our table with color coded pieces of paper and when they do an act of kindness, they are instructed to write it out and place it into the vase. These will then be all read on Christmas day. In theory, it sounded like a solid plan. My children will be encouraged to do 'kind deeds' during the giving month of December...but on January 1, this is all supposed to stop? The 'Kindness Jar' will be emptied and put back into the cupboard, the sales clerks will stop berating me for those few extra dollars, my extra donations to church will come to an end and my children and I will no longer need to be attentive to those in need.
(note: i had three additional paragraphs that closed this little segment off quite nicely....but somehow they disappeared. I will not be fixing this now...hopefully in the near future)
Thanks for listening and if you find this blog and you find yourself to be in the 'giving' frame of mind, please look at David's page and click on the 'donate' button.
http://davidplaisted.bbnow.org/
 |
| Kindness Jar |
Tis the month of December. This cursor blinks as I think about the magnitude of responsibility this month carries with it. It is not a month to take in lightly. It's not February ~ Black History Month. It is not March ~ good 'ol St. Paddy's Day, nor is it July ~ the celebration month of our nation. It is December --- the month of benevolence, kindness, compassion towards others, goodwill, altruism, etc, etc.
December stresses me out because this is the month, as a parent, that I feel I need to ramp up all the good things we are supposed to do. My money to my local charities are padded and even my garbage man leaves me an envelope, enticing me to fill it with Christmas cash.
When December rolls around, I try to plan for "family moments" to share and embrace. I ask questions like, "What play should we go see this year?" "How can we volunteer to help others?" "What needs in church should be filled?" and the end result is stress. I am stressed and I don't need to be.
Why is it that the month of December needs to be a time to remember others?
Why am I asked in the month of December is I want to add an extra dollar here, or add in a $20.00 donation there? Why do I feel the pressure to place my kids under the miscroscope of "positiveness" and "charitability"
This year, I inducted a "Kindness Jar." and I told my kids that they only thing I want fof Christmas form them is a significant act of kindness. The "Kindness Jar" is a glass jar that sits upon our table with color coded pieces of paper and when they do an act of kindness, they are instructed to write it out and place it into the vase. These will then be all read on Christmas day. In theory, it sounded like a solid plan. My children will be encouraged to do 'kind deeds' during the giving month of December...but on January 1, this is all supposed to stop? The 'Kindness Jar' will be emptied and put back into the cupboard, the sales clerks will stop berating me for those few extra dollars, my extra donations to church will come to an end and my children and I will no longer need to be attentive to those in need.
(note: i had three additional paragraphs that closed this little segment off quite nicely....but somehow they disappeared. I will not be fixing this now...hopefully in the near future)
Thanks for listening and if you find this blog and you find yourself to be in the 'giving' frame of mind, please look at David's page and click on the 'donate' button.
http://davidplaisted.bbnow.org/
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
A Bathroom Story
A demolished bathroom and remodel all done quickly in a weeks time. Donated material from HD was free but cheap. Plumber was free and took short cuts to get job done. Visual looked good, but in days time, turned out to be a non-working bath and shower.
Take 2: New Plumber - expert plumber. Paid Plumber. Leveled an uneven tub, but in the process, the cheap tub took a beating and began to flex in places it shouldn't have. Water began to pool in places and within days, began to drain over the edges of the tub - creating a waterfall effect onto the floor.
Called plumber back, met at the home, assessed the bathroom issue and concluded that the tub must come out. A top of the line model is what is needed to sustain this family. Again, back on the phone, talking to tub reps, Home Depot managers, UPS delivery, and plumber.
Almost 3 weeks ago, I ordered the tub that came by recommendation - as Home Depot does not carry a tub of that size in their store front, but they do sell it online. I order the tub and schedule the plumber for today (Wednesday). I met him there at 9am, he took out the surround, took out the tub, through it all in the dumpster that is now on the driveway and went to get the new tub. He and his co-worker bring it in, get into the bathroom and shout my name. "It's backwards. The drain is on the wrong side. We need a right hand tub and this is a left hand tub."
Back on the phone. Plumber makes calls to all his contacts. "Is there anyway to get a 32" tub here today?" is the question of the hour and he and I pass each other up in our paces of the floor.
It is concluded that I need to go into Home Depot and have a meeting with the Store Manager. A bit of face to face time. A bit of time that I can not afford. The 2 year old has not napped all day, has not had a decent lunch and is now going with me to a meeting of sorts.
Sitting down for 40 minutes, the Manager and I find out that Home Depot Online does not sell a RH Tub, but only a left hand one. The right hand tub has to be special ordered and no, they can not express deliver it because it is too big. It will take an additional 12 days for delivery.
I left defeated. tears in my eyes. This family now has no tub in their bathroom. No shower for 12 days.
This is not how the picture was to look like 7 months ago. Why is this room giving me such constant issue? When I have that answer, I will share it with you.
Thanks for listening.
http://davidplaisted.bbnow.org/
Thursday, June 17, 2010
And They Lived Happily Ever After.....The.....End
I have taken it all in and therefore, my mind has grown from the experience; Europe ignited my senses.
I sit, weary with heavy eyes, wondering if i am capable of completing the next sentence, but drawn to finish off this last chapter.
Yesterday, I sat in a coffee shop in Iceland. Today, I sit at the head of the dining table in my existence of home.
PARIS: She takes the role of the oldest sibling; confident, serious, respected, scholarly and reliable. We arrived in Paris with a desire to learn from her and she did not disappoint.
Random Mind Spree: gelato, Seine, walking, narrow streets, crepes, smile on children, espresso, chocolate croissants, writing, naive, clarity, parks, untouchable, cuisine, architecture, family - cousins reunite.
STRASBOURG: The grandfather who quietly sits in the corner, listening to the conversation filling the room, but lost in memory of times past. Strasbourg has seen it all, and without pretense, unobtrusively immerses you within the experience. Telling a remarkable story, if willing to listen. Strasbourg is wise, unassuming, and solid.
Random Mind Spree: Napoleon, Emperor with no shoes, writing on steps of the cathedral, building with green windows, finding hat for Simon, Martin Luther, Reconstruction, reminds me of The Giving Tree, two hotel rooms, john and I have an evening alone with kids next door (sid with us), high school students 'hanging out' after class on Cathedral steps.
GUNZBURG: This is the crazy relative that no one really mentions, but kids have connection. Nobody visits Gunzberg unless they are out of gas, lost, on the verge of a mental breakdown, or have an inkling to visit Legoland! Unfortunately, Gunzburg is also the birth place of Dr. Joseph Mengele : chief medical officer in Auschwitz.
Random Mind Spree: Legoland, Legoland, Legoland. First beer in Germany at food stand in the "Pirate" themed section of park. 10am to 6pm. Kids saw it all. tacky hotel. Bad breakfast. 80's music playing on speakers all night long.
FUSSEN: The emulated relative no one really knows, but craves conversation, appreciating and identifying a gain within relationship.
Random Mind Spree: Alps, Neuschwanstein, Mary's Gorge, Hike up to Castle holding Sidney, drinking beer, talking to john, feet up on deck, sweatshirt, view, swimming pool, lake, Seespitz hat for john, "He's the boss!", Bavarian dress, trying to find Kul Kaffe, buying Sidney's backpack for Iceland trip, would have come in handy during hike (sans stroller) up mountain the day earlier.
FRANKFURT: We really did not see much of Frankfurt, as we were just outside in city called Kronberg - my sister lives in Kronberg. An etch in time with family. Visiting with cousins and sister. We went to the zoo in Kronberg one day and then rode the train the next day into downtown Frankurt for ice cream, shopping and World Cup viewing.
Randon Mind Spree: swimming, chandeliers, marble stairs, baby Sidney, birthday cake, trampoline, lots of laundry, hotel down the street for John, Sidney and I, Frankfurt Airport, Europcar and gas.
ICELAND: The uber cool teenager, content, grateful, talented, unique. Iceland impacted my senses and complicated my views.
Random Mind Spree: GPS Unit, roundabouts, rock, moss, waterfall, vikings, laws, hiking, cool, sun not setting, expensive, trying to reason.
We are now home, we are all in bed, the chapter to this book is now coming to a close and as we turn to the very last page, the author pauses with intended significance and slowly puts forth the sentence all desire to hear, "And they all lived happily ever after."
Thanks for listening.
I sit, weary with heavy eyes, wondering if i am capable of completing the next sentence, but drawn to finish off this last chapter.
Yesterday, I sat in a coffee shop in Iceland. Today, I sit at the head of the dining table in my existence of home.
PARIS: She takes the role of the oldest sibling; confident, serious, respected, scholarly and reliable. We arrived in Paris with a desire to learn from her and she did not disappoint.
Random Mind Spree: gelato, Seine, walking, narrow streets, crepes, smile on children, espresso, chocolate croissants, writing, naive, clarity, parks, untouchable, cuisine, architecture, family - cousins reunite.
STRASBOURG: The grandfather who quietly sits in the corner, listening to the conversation filling the room, but lost in memory of times past. Strasbourg has seen it all, and without pretense, unobtrusively immerses you within the experience. Telling a remarkable story, if willing to listen. Strasbourg is wise, unassuming, and solid.
Random Mind Spree: Napoleon, Emperor with no shoes, writing on steps of the cathedral, building with green windows, finding hat for Simon, Martin Luther, Reconstruction, reminds me of The Giving Tree, two hotel rooms, john and I have an evening alone with kids next door (sid with us), high school students 'hanging out' after class on Cathedral steps.
GUNZBURG: This is the crazy relative that no one really mentions, but kids have connection. Nobody visits Gunzberg unless they are out of gas, lost, on the verge of a mental breakdown, or have an inkling to visit Legoland! Unfortunately, Gunzburg is also the birth place of Dr. Joseph Mengele : chief medical officer in Auschwitz.
Random Mind Spree: Legoland, Legoland, Legoland. First beer in Germany at food stand in the "Pirate" themed section of park. 10am to 6pm. Kids saw it all. tacky hotel. Bad breakfast. 80's music playing on speakers all night long.
FUSSEN: The emulated relative no one really knows, but craves conversation, appreciating and identifying a gain within relationship.
Random Mind Spree: Alps, Neuschwanstein, Mary's Gorge, Hike up to Castle holding Sidney, drinking beer, talking to john, feet up on deck, sweatshirt, view, swimming pool, lake, Seespitz hat for john, "He's the boss!", Bavarian dress, trying to find Kul Kaffe, buying Sidney's backpack for Iceland trip, would have come in handy during hike (sans stroller) up mountain the day earlier.
FRANKFURT: We really did not see much of Frankfurt, as we were just outside in city called Kronberg - my sister lives in Kronberg. An etch in time with family. Visiting with cousins and sister. We went to the zoo in Kronberg one day and then rode the train the next day into downtown Frankurt for ice cream, shopping and World Cup viewing.
Randon Mind Spree: swimming, chandeliers, marble stairs, baby Sidney, birthday cake, trampoline, lots of laundry, hotel down the street for John, Sidney and I, Frankfurt Airport, Europcar and gas.
ICELAND: The uber cool teenager, content, grateful, talented, unique. Iceland impacted my senses and complicated my views.
Random Mind Spree: GPS Unit, roundabouts, rock, moss, waterfall, vikings, laws, hiking, cool, sun not setting, expensive, trying to reason.
We are now home, we are all in bed, the chapter to this book is now coming to a close and as we turn to the very last page, the author pauses with intended significance and slowly puts forth the sentence all desire to hear, "And they all lived happily ever after."
Thanks for listening.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Normal Post
I thought i would actually prove to people i can write in normal sentences and tell about life's mundane structure.....mundane is simply fine.
So, as a mother of 4 that blogs; i thought i would do what every mother is proud to do -- brag about her children as they play out in the day to day
Perry: Has discovered his way -- meaning, he has figured out his system and how to manipulate it well. To reiterate; Perry's nickname as a toddler was "Le Saboteur" as he would sum up the situation and figure out a way to get what he wanted. I often thought this talent would lead him into a court room as a defense lawyer...but he has too many other talents in need of addressing and perfecting. I digress: perry's grades have slipped this quarter - he is currently at a 3.5 gpa (yes, this is still great), but knowing Perry and what he is capable of, he clearly had a control over his 3.5 gpa this quarter. He knew full well what he was up against and consciously made decisions. I don't think i had this forethought at his age, nor the guts to call my own shots like he has done all through this life. The toughest job I have in all this is not directing him down the correct pathway (he already has that), I need to encourage him to make it to where he needs to be and not be happy with the park bench that sits in the middle -- this always brings me question.
Simon: This middle son of mine has a maturity and an emotional IQ I can not touch. He is .... he is a living declaration of how God makes us all so unique and gifted. I believe because of this; life is harder for him than his older, more solid brother. He and I are connected through our personality, or grip of sarcasm and slanted takes on life. I share in laughter with him every day...every single day. This is how we bond.... and I hope this will not also cause division in us when he is older and trying to find his way. I am not sure he knows which path to take, for each one will have it's advantages, it alluring details and he will want to attemp to fill in the connected gaps. At 11 years of age, he holds a multi leveled view on life. I am in awe.
Lucy: Lucy is her Daddy's clone. It is fun to see this little 8 year old mimic her older counterpart in so many fashions. Of course, her social abilities are stronger than her father's; but her meticulous nature, her passion for detail, her exquisite choice of word, and her calmness of plan are simply his. She is venturing out of her skin each summer and I am in anticipation to see what these months of sun and warmth will bring. She is of strong character and has been the second she took her first breath -- solid in who she is, her expectations of herself, and her self actualized needs. Again, at this age, i'm sure i was barely aware if my shoes were on the right feet. Lucy exhibits a control over her person that is really cool to see. Of course, she loses it from time to time and spouts off as any growing 8 year old will do. Again -- she is my third child and with the other two, I revel in the thought of her future.
Sidney: the boy is learning to walk!! If i were to measure my accomplishments this past year, the list would be relatively short and honestly, boring. On the contrary, Sidney's list would be one of standing ovation. To name a few: Roll over, hold his head up, sit up, crawl, grab, eat solid foods, understand his name, detach to become slightly more of independent means, communicate his wants, and find his laugh. He continually brings attention to himself and strangers stop to connect with this blond haired babe (not me)! He has felt his first tree branch, his bare feet have walked on grass, felt cool breezes on his face and he has squinted his eyes due to the bright sun. He is our littlest one but has required that we all out forth just a bit more energy into our lives. Energy into him. he is the apex of this family.
thanks for listening to this average mom's take on her children
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)