This was an email i sent out to a very small core of volunteers who worked tirelessly on a house for the past 6 days. It was an undertaking. I have survived on 4-5 hours of sleep a night with long physical days, but, tonight, I ate dinner with my children, I played hide and go seek and now, I am going to take a well deserved shower.
5:23pm and I sit on my couch, knowing that I will get a restful sleep tonight, have dinner with my family, and get up in the morning, go to church and praise God for the astonishing and phenomenal journey He laid out before us this past week. Some of us survived on Ibuprofen, others went to a chiropractor, others took the day off, one is sick in bed, some cracked open a beer or poured out a glass of wine to get through the hours that each of us significantly gave to pave the way within this new journey of Joy and her children.
WE DID IT!
We painted, we scrubbed, we tore up, we breathed in questionable contents, and we prayed. We moved, we hauled, we lifted, we got down on our hands and knees, we stretched, we reached and we prayed. We organized, we designed, we shopped, we cried, we laughed, a few of us danced, we made executive decisions and we prayed. Our focus was never lost or compromised and this clearly kept the beat to our momentum.
WE DID IT!!
I toast all of you! I thank you for…. I thank you for allowing me to come into your life, a stranger at first, and let me facilitate our talents as a core group.
WE DID IT!
We can be proud tonight. We can be grateful for God’s ultimate love for his daughter, Joy. We can cry as we think of them walking through that doorway (NEW doorway, might I add…thank you Matt from Home Depot) and know that they must continue…continue within the newness of the other. Continue in building and relying on the one who stands by them and continue in their unshaken and fervent strength in God. But, we can rejoice as we know that we have lifted them up and have placed each and every one of them deep in our heart and they know that. We can be happy because……
WE DID IT.
My love goes out to you!
Thank you,
Katie
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Letter to Neighbors
The week is almost over. Tomorrow, Friday is our last full day. Is it presently 12:59am and I came home from Joy's less than an hour ago. Tomorrow, I have secured a babysitter for both Sidney and Lucy in the morning, as there will be many trucks coming in and out with scheduled deliveries. It will be exciting. Before I enter the home in the morning, I will be delivering these letters door to door in the neighborhood.
Dear Neighbors,
My name is Katie Avenson and I wanted to send you this note today to give you a brief update on the frenetic activity that has taken place on your home road.
Joy and her children have been spending a week in Wisconsin Dells, as we were able to secure a donated Time Share for them. It has been the movement of one small group of people to get her home in order: clean, organize, and put things in a place in such a way that upon her return home, she is able to continue on this new journey with her children within an uplifted environment.
Update on house:
1. Wood floors have been brought back to life in living room and main floor bedrooms. Jared Rempel - Divine Hardwood Floors
2. Painting of rooms
3. Light landscaping
4. Cleaning
5. Organizing
Our intention during this week is to give Joy and her children a place to begin anew, and we have kept communication to a minimum so as to not overwhelm the family with the happenings inside their home.
I respectfully ask two things of you as her close neighbors:
1. We are choosing not to inform Joy of all the activity in her home or any of the outside activity. She knows we are here and has an outline of what we are doing, but she has chosen not to think about the process and undertaking of it all. She is aware that we were in need of a dumpster, but we would like to not remind her. It has been a trusting decision of hers to accept this offer of her closest friends.
2. If any of you are close enough to Joy to offer your time when she is in need, I know she would appreciate it. I am thinking about times when there might be minor plumbing issues, or a small household repair or if she is in need of something lifted or moved; things that David might have been capable of doing as her husband. If so, please feel comfortable in letting her know.
I wanted to say thank you for allowing us to take up residence on your street. I know it was an inconvenience at times and perhaps a little noisy. Joy comes home Saturday, sometime in the late afternoon. Thank you and it was a pleasure being a part of Azure Road for this past week.
Respectfully,
Katie Avenson
Kavenson@comcast.net is my email if you have any questions. I am the one in the black VW minivan.
Dear Neighbors,
My name is Katie Avenson and I wanted to send you this note today to give you a brief update on the frenetic activity that has taken place on your home road.
Joy and her children have been spending a week in Wisconsin Dells, as we were able to secure a donated Time Share for them. It has been the movement of one small group of people to get her home in order: clean, organize, and put things in a place in such a way that upon her return home, she is able to continue on this new journey with her children within an uplifted environment.
Update on house:
1. Wood floors have been brought back to life in living room and main floor bedrooms. Jared Rempel - Divine Hardwood Floors
2. Painting of rooms
3. Light landscaping
4. Cleaning
5. Organizing
Our intention during this week is to give Joy and her children a place to begin anew, and we have kept communication to a minimum so as to not overwhelm the family with the happenings inside their home.
I respectfully ask two things of you as her close neighbors:
1. We are choosing not to inform Joy of all the activity in her home or any of the outside activity. She knows we are here and has an outline of what we are doing, but she has chosen not to think about the process and undertaking of it all. She is aware that we were in need of a dumpster, but we would like to not remind her. It has been a trusting decision of hers to accept this offer of her closest friends.
2. If any of you are close enough to Joy to offer your time when she is in need, I know she would appreciate it. I am thinking about times when there might be minor plumbing issues, or a small household repair or if she is in need of something lifted or moved; things that David might have been capable of doing as her husband. If so, please feel comfortable in letting her know.
I wanted to say thank you for allowing us to take up residence on your street. I know it was an inconvenience at times and perhaps a little noisy. Joy comes home Saturday, sometime in the late afternoon. Thank you and it was a pleasure being a part of Azure Road for this past week.
Respectfully,
Katie Avenson
Kavenson@comcast.net is my email if you have any questions. I am the one in the black VW minivan.
Monday, May 23, 2011
I Left My Hard Hat at Home
I am not a General Contractor. I never went to school to become one, nor did I ever apprentice to be one. But, I am finding that I am presently wearing the hat of one. I am, for all intense and purposes, a general contractor.
Today:
Get the kids out of bed. Get the groggy eyed teen out the door with smoothie in hand, walk the middle one to the bus stop and then the phone calls begin. First, I speak with Joy. She is trying to hold it together while she brings her dog to the kennel for the week. Her 4 children are packed and they are off to a donated week away at Wisconsin Dells Water Park. Significant, as this marks the absolute beginning of time alone as a family of 5. This is the embarking of a new perspective. It also signifies the end to their current living situation - she has been sleeping on an air mattress since the day of her husband's death, in her living room.
Next, her mother calls me to ask me how her daughter is doing. Joy is in a very dark place right now, and presently, she is speaking to no one.
The phone rings again and it is Slumberland Furniture, telling me that the shipment of new furniture is in the store (couch, 2 beds, a mattress and the chair will be arriving later)
Twelve o'clock, I put the baby down, and receive a text that Joy is now out of her home. I call a friend, tell her the news. I email another, and i text a third. Joy is out of the house.
I get to the house, open it up and take a look around. Our work is cut out for us. Tomorrow, I have a man coming in to donate his time and services to redo all the wood flooring in 4 rooms - but first, the carpet must be taken up. Before the carpet can be taken up, the furniture, the laundry, the books, the toys, etc, must all be moved. Before anyone arrives, I get to work. One room is already cleared out as it *was* the boys room. They are now moved upstairs in where Joy's room used to be. She is taking over their room as her own- so i begin on the daughter's room, who has basically prepped it. Things to do or move: a dresser, a bed to take a part, mattresses to move, three book cases, and some left over stuffed animals. I begin to pull up the hallway carpet and the pad and dump it in the Bagster I brought over. I move the living room end tables, the lamps, the chair, the child's desk and the 'crew' begins to arrive. 3 ladies from Joy's church. We get the TV out, the console, the book cases and the couches. While one is pulling up the nails, staples and tack strip, two of us pull up the carpet in the living room along with the padding. In between that time, I am on the phone with others who are on their way over and Joy calls in to see how things are going. In the mean time, a friend and her husband show up. I have him installing shelving in the front closet for the family as well as looking at much of the electrical. I welcome them and set them to work.
Later in the afternoon, after I have already gone home to change a poopy diaper, "Mom, he just smells so horrible!" Give instructions to the teenager, who is now home and willing to babysit. I continue my phone calls with Slumberland and schedule a delivery date. The hard wood floor guy to discuss our prepping for tomorrow. An additional conversation on the logistics of tomorrow morning and what we still need to do. It is a long day. I am dirty and dusty and I have to go pick up my son from track and field. We rush home and I am quickly invited by my husband to come downtown and enjoy the baseball game. His department with two others are in a suite for the evening. I decide to go, but only after I set the baby down for the evening. My presence away today was evident in his small world and he was in need of Mommy time.
I am feeling overwhelmingly honored to be a part of this simple project. Tomorrow, the floors will be started. Curtains will be purchased. Walls will be painted. Cupboards will be organized. My time will be quick as I have promised Lucy a lunch out. My son has a track and field event in the early afternoon and my daughter has a soccer practice in the early evening. My son has a project that he will somehow be putting together with a friend in our home and my baby will come along for the ride.
But....this is all good!
Thanks for listening.
Today:
Get the kids out of bed. Get the groggy eyed teen out the door with smoothie in hand, walk the middle one to the bus stop and then the phone calls begin. First, I speak with Joy. She is trying to hold it together while she brings her dog to the kennel for the week. Her 4 children are packed and they are off to a donated week away at Wisconsin Dells Water Park. Significant, as this marks the absolute beginning of time alone as a family of 5. This is the embarking of a new perspective. It also signifies the end to their current living situation - she has been sleeping on an air mattress since the day of her husband's death, in her living room.
Next, her mother calls me to ask me how her daughter is doing. Joy is in a very dark place right now, and presently, she is speaking to no one.
The phone rings again and it is Slumberland Furniture, telling me that the shipment of new furniture is in the store (couch, 2 beds, a mattress and the chair will be arriving later)
Twelve o'clock, I put the baby down, and receive a text that Joy is now out of her home. I call a friend, tell her the news. I email another, and i text a third. Joy is out of the house.
I get to the house, open it up and take a look around. Our work is cut out for us. Tomorrow, I have a man coming in to donate his time and services to redo all the wood flooring in 4 rooms - but first, the carpet must be taken up. Before the carpet can be taken up, the furniture, the laundry, the books, the toys, etc, must all be moved. Before anyone arrives, I get to work. One room is already cleared out as it *was* the boys room. They are now moved upstairs in where Joy's room used to be. She is taking over their room as her own- so i begin on the daughter's room, who has basically prepped it. Things to do or move: a dresser, a bed to take a part, mattresses to move, three book cases, and some left over stuffed animals. I begin to pull up the hallway carpet and the pad and dump it in the Bagster I brought over. I move the living room end tables, the lamps, the chair, the child's desk and the 'crew' begins to arrive. 3 ladies from Joy's church. We get the TV out, the console, the book cases and the couches. While one is pulling up the nails, staples and tack strip, two of us pull up the carpet in the living room along with the padding. In between that time, I am on the phone with others who are on their way over and Joy calls in to see how things are going. In the mean time, a friend and her husband show up. I have him installing shelving in the front closet for the family as well as looking at much of the electrical. I welcome them and set them to work.
Later in the afternoon, after I have already gone home to change a poopy diaper, "Mom, he just smells so horrible!" Give instructions to the teenager, who is now home and willing to babysit. I continue my phone calls with Slumberland and schedule a delivery date. The hard wood floor guy to discuss our prepping for tomorrow. An additional conversation on the logistics of tomorrow morning and what we still need to do. It is a long day. I am dirty and dusty and I have to go pick up my son from track and field. We rush home and I am quickly invited by my husband to come downtown and enjoy the baseball game. His department with two others are in a suite for the evening. I decide to go, but only after I set the baby down for the evening. My presence away today was evident in his small world and he was in need of Mommy time.
I am feeling overwhelmingly honored to be a part of this simple project. Tomorrow, the floors will be started. Curtains will be purchased. Walls will be painted. Cupboards will be organized. My time will be quick as I have promised Lucy a lunch out. My son has a track and field event in the early afternoon and my daughter has a soccer practice in the early evening. My son has a project that he will somehow be putting together with a friend in our home and my baby will come along for the ride.
But....this is all good!
Thanks for listening.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
On Writing
I write. To release stress, I write. I leave the house, hide in a corner, or, case in point, I spend an evening downtown, bring my lap top and write. I forever visualize my scene in pictures and words; and often, I look down as if by aerial view. My experiences are often interpreted in writing and I am rarely without a journal. So, yesterday, I had the opportunity to take 24 hours of respite at Hotel Minneapolis. Walking in my downtown, I took in Mpls culture; the people, the shapes, sizes, the attitudes, and the dialogue; knowing all would find some placement in print.
Dinner:
Sitting outside at an Irish Pub, ordering my Amstel light and keeping my vision on the street people. Table to my side has twenty something girls who are asking the waiter how much each bottle of beer or glass of wine costs. When waiter leaves, one talks about her dad’s influence, another discusses college loans and another talks about her current internship. They are so fresh out of the water. I sip my beer and revel in the innocence.
Mom and daughter taking a moment to eat and talk. The 12 or so year old daughter is just adorable and even her, “Noooo, Mom, you wouldn’t” sounds cute. She is dressed up for her evening out with Mom. I am guessing a theater show is on the agenda after dinner.
I think of the young adults, embarking upon their evening out and reflect on my early years in Minnesota; newly married, rented house, barely an income to survive. We played a lot of cards, took naps, watched movies and rode our bikes around the lakes. Little did we know that we would eventually look back on the time with envy.
Last night, I stole a moment away from my present reality. A time to check in with myself to see what developed.
This morning, I sat in the Restaurant Max and had my morning buffet of sorted food. An older gentleman was behind me in line and we exchanged moderate pleasantries before returning to our seats. We sat across the room from the other and on my way out, I placed my hand on his shoulder and said, “Have a good day, Sir.” He replied, “Well, thank you for stopping and talking to me…say, can you sit for a second and join me for a cup of coffee?” Well, how could I refuse? For 20 minutes, the privilege was all mine. He is a writer, he is a widower of seven months and he was in town for his wife’s memorial service. They lived in San Antonio. I was lifted and wished I had sat with him sooner. But, he is now in my mind and heart and again, I write. I write about Dennis, the girls sitting next to me, my time, my reality, my existence.
I write......
Dinner:
Sitting outside at an Irish Pub, ordering my Amstel light and keeping my vision on the street people. Table to my side has twenty something girls who are asking the waiter how much each bottle of beer or glass of wine costs. When waiter leaves, one talks about her dad’s influence, another discusses college loans and another talks about her current internship. They are so fresh out of the water. I sip my beer and revel in the innocence.
Mom and daughter taking a moment to eat and talk. The 12 or so year old daughter is just adorable and even her, “Noooo, Mom, you wouldn’t” sounds cute. She is dressed up for her evening out with Mom. I am guessing a theater show is on the agenda after dinner.
I think of the young adults, embarking upon their evening out and reflect on my early years in Minnesota; newly married, rented house, barely an income to survive. We played a lot of cards, took naps, watched movies and rode our bikes around the lakes. Little did we know that we would eventually look back on the time with envy.
Last night, I stole a moment away from my present reality. A time to check in with myself to see what developed.
I write......
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Frayed
My role as a mother and my relationship with my teenager is becoming frayed. I wish i can be complaining about the mundane, trivial teenage-dom angst
1. He doesn't listen to me
2. He is argumentative about his homework
3. Oh, where does he get his taste in music
4. He just likes his friends more than his family
But - I am looking into the future and if my son does not take notice of his exceedingly increasing choice in character - then I am afraid our relationship will snap in two.
i HATE selfish people. I LOATE selfish people. i DON'T UNDERSTAND self importance. My son is turning into a person that I so adamantly dislike. I cannot take this.
I do not wish to look at some 'self help' book or how to change my child from Monday to Tuesday. Or read about "How to talk to your teenager so he will listen." I am not asking for a Church going, raise your hands in the air, volunteer at the soup kitchen every Thursday kind of child. I want a child who gets that being selfish will do nothing but isolate you in so many ways.
This morning, I yelled at him, "Don't you get that I love you unconditionally!" "Don't you get that your parents are proud of you? Why do you keep slapping us in the face?"
My son needs to change. It hurts to see him grow up and make the choices he is making to only serve him. This is nothing new, unfortunately, he has had this in him since birth and we have always worked our way through it. But, we are now working through a very small countdown of a few years left with him and he is gone.
There are so many things to be proud of him and I will not list them, as i have listed them before. But, as a mom, i am presently worried for him. It eats away at me. This morning, as i listed all the traits I presently see in him : greedy, selfish, rude...to name a few, I followed it by saying, "this is the child i kiss every night and say I love you....but i can't like someone like this." and then i began to cry. who says that??? what mother says, "i don't think i can like you." i gave birth to you, i raised you, i poured my soul into you and now, i dont' like you? i don't get it. help me understand it.
I know too many selfish people and even though i associate with them on a daily basis, i learn nothing from them. I take nothing from them. i DO NOT want this to be my son. i want so much to learn from him, to take from him, to embrace him for who he has become.
Thanks for listening
1. He doesn't listen to me
2. He is argumentative about his homework
3. Oh, where does he get his taste in music
4. He just likes his friends more than his family
But - I am looking into the future and if my son does not take notice of his exceedingly increasing choice in character - then I am afraid our relationship will snap in two.
i HATE selfish people. I LOATE selfish people. i DON'T UNDERSTAND self importance. My son is turning into a person that I so adamantly dislike. I cannot take this.
I do not wish to look at some 'self help' book or how to change my child from Monday to Tuesday. Or read about "How to talk to your teenager so he will listen." I am not asking for a Church going, raise your hands in the air, volunteer at the soup kitchen every Thursday kind of child. I want a child who gets that being selfish will do nothing but isolate you in so many ways.
This morning, I yelled at him, "Don't you get that I love you unconditionally!" "Don't you get that your parents are proud of you? Why do you keep slapping us in the face?"
My son needs to change. It hurts to see him grow up and make the choices he is making to only serve him. This is nothing new, unfortunately, he has had this in him since birth and we have always worked our way through it. But, we are now working through a very small countdown of a few years left with him and he is gone.
There are so many things to be proud of him and I will not list them, as i have listed them before. But, as a mom, i am presently worried for him. It eats away at me. This morning, as i listed all the traits I presently see in him : greedy, selfish, rude...to name a few, I followed it by saying, "this is the child i kiss every night and say I love you....but i can't like someone like this." and then i began to cry. who says that??? what mother says, "i don't think i can like you." i gave birth to you, i raised you, i poured my soul into you and now, i dont' like you? i don't get it. help me understand it.
I know too many selfish people and even though i associate with them on a daily basis, i learn nothing from them. I take nothing from them. i DO NOT want this to be my son. i want so much to learn from him, to take from him, to embrace him for who he has become.
Thanks for listening
Saturday, May 14, 2011
God Calling
Upon my bookcase is a book that my mother handed down to me --- or maybe i simply took it from her before I moved to Minnesota.
During this time of grief, i have looked to it on occasion - and ironically, i have looked to an odd bank sign, which i have made mention before, i believe, for guidance and wisdom. I find this uniquely cool.
Last night, late into the evening, I had my friend's two oldest boys here. Her daughter is in the throws of ballet performances and these boys really do not care to sit through the dances of all the other girls, nor to they feel comfortable in their empty home. Whereas most teenage boys would jump at the chance to have the house to themselves, these boys only see the loss of someone who should be taking up it's space.
So, they sat on my couch and watched a movie with my children and as they watched, I sat at my computer to draft up my daily email to my friend. Tonight, I took out my book - God Calling. Knowing I have hit a hard part in this journey with her, she is encouraging me to slow down a bit. But, if there was a visual, she would be saying yes, while shaking her head no.
I ended her email with the passage from this book. Thank you for listening.
The Divine Third
When I have led you through these storms there will be other words for you, other messages - other guidance.
So deep is your friendship and so great your desire to love and follow and serve Me that soon, when this time of difficulty is over, to be alone together will always mean to be shut in with Me.
There are few friendships in the world like that and yet I taught, when on earth, as I have you both, the power of the two together.
And now tonight I have more to say to you. I say that the time is coming, is even now here, when those who visit you two together will know that I am the Divine Third in your friendship.
During this time of grief, i have looked to it on occasion - and ironically, i have looked to an odd bank sign, which i have made mention before, i believe, for guidance and wisdom. I find this uniquely cool.
Last night, late into the evening, I had my friend's two oldest boys here. Her daughter is in the throws of ballet performances and these boys really do not care to sit through the dances of all the other girls, nor to they feel comfortable in their empty home. Whereas most teenage boys would jump at the chance to have the house to themselves, these boys only see the loss of someone who should be taking up it's space.
So, they sat on my couch and watched a movie with my children and as they watched, I sat at my computer to draft up my daily email to my friend. Tonight, I took out my book - God Calling. Knowing I have hit a hard part in this journey with her, she is encouraging me to slow down a bit. But, if there was a visual, she would be saying yes, while shaking her head no.
I ended her email with the passage from this book. Thank you for listening.
The Divine Third
When I have led you through these storms there will be other words for you, other messages - other guidance.
So deep is your friendship and so great your desire to love and follow and serve Me that soon, when this time of difficulty is over, to be alone together will always mean to be shut in with Me.
There are few friendships in the world like that and yet I taught, when on earth, as I have you both, the power of the two together.
And now tonight I have more to say to you. I say that the time is coming, is even now here, when those who visit you two together will know that I am the Divine Third in your friendship.
Friday, May 13, 2011
Mile 6
It already seems many moons ago that I ran a half marathon. I trained for months in preparation. I think it was around mile 6 when I began to break down. My pace slowed down, my mindset was altered and doubt predictably seeped into deep places within, but it stopped at my core; for it was impenetrable. By mile 7, a song by Coldplay came on my MP3 player and during that mile, i remember dancing as i ran. Dancing! I had less than half way to go and moving and dancing kept me strong. My core was untouched and it gave me the required strength to persevere and continue with something I wanted. Something that was meant for me.
Metaphorically speaking, I am at Mile 6 in my life with little or no preparation at this time. I did not realize this until late yesterday. I began to break down, my mindset was altered and doubt predictably seeped into deep places within. This metamorphosis took the shape of tears. I could not get through a, "How are you?" "How are you feeling" and the biggest breakdown came when a friend asked me, "How are you being filled?" Yes, I am at mile 6. But this is not a physical undertaking, it is emotional. Mile 7 will come soon enough and I have already seen glimpses of the dance to come. But right now, my feet are sore, my spirit is drained and i am ...... i am.......i am still present.
Thank you for listening.
Metaphorically speaking, I am at Mile 6 in my life with little or no preparation at this time. I did not realize this until late yesterday. I began to break down, my mindset was altered and doubt predictably seeped into deep places within. This metamorphosis took the shape of tears. I could not get through a, "How are you?" "How are you feeling" and the biggest breakdown came when a friend asked me, "How are you being filled?" Yes, I am at mile 6. But this is not a physical undertaking, it is emotional. Mile 7 will come soon enough and I have already seen glimpses of the dance to come. But right now, my feet are sore, my spirit is drained and i am ...... i am.......i am still present.
Thank you for listening.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Something about Motherhood
Thursday, May 12 is the last meeting for the Home School Co-op that I help direct. In arranging the agenda for the meeting, I was looking for something to read to the other women who will be in attendance. I was unlucky and decided to write something myself.
Here is that something...not yet edited. I need to let it sit a day before reading it again.
_______________________________
When looking for something inspirational to share at tonight’s meeting --- because that is what it is all about to me; leaving inspired, leaving energized, leaving with unmitigated contentment that I am right where I should be; I began to look around my bookcase for something to stick out, I began to Google, “Inspirational Words About Mom” and after so many poems about mothers and blue birds singing, I decided to write something myself. Thank you for indulging.
Mothers:
We all know how we want to be, how we want to be perceived, how we want to be like the others who keep their cool in the worst of times. But, little do we know that others are looking at us, having the exact same thought.
How can we even begin to try to capture what it means to be a mother, both in the most daily mundane and ordinary ways, and in the deepest parts of ourselves? How can we present some sort of truth about bearing and caring for children, when that takes place wordlessly inside the center of our soul?
When I gave birth to my now almost 14 year old, who stands a good inch taller than me and wears size 11 shoe; I declared to the world that my son would never know anger. Motherhood is one of those things that is totally impossible to visualize until you are in it. Until you have cleaned the spit up off your shirt, while simultaneously putting your daughter’s hair in a pony, while telling the person on the phone that you WILL be bringing the treats to the T-Ball game, while staring down your oldest, showing great disdain for his most recent and inappropriate behavior.
Yes, you think it will be a certain way – you will have infinite patience, you won’t yell, you’ll sit on the floor for hours, reading to your quiet lovelies, and you will buy organic spaghettios, but motherhood is all about turning your world upside down. Who coined the phrase, “Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water?” Was it a frazzled mother?
In this room, there is only us. Mothers to God’s incredible handpicked gifts. We are so lucky! We are mother’s who feel and love and who do the best we can, struggling and laughing more than we thought we would, and yelling and learning and regressing and pleading, sometimes crying out in frustration and then, a little later, in gratitude for the blessing of being mothers.
I want to thank you for being here tonight. Thank you for carving out the time that is knowingly so hard to come by. Thank you for sharing your story of being a mom. Thank you for continuing to be a fervent supporter for the woman to your left, the woman to your right and the woman who isn’t able to be here this evening.
I close with a quote that does not necessarily tie this essay into a neat little package – like I was hoping for, but this quote struck me and I was moved to share it.
“Having a child is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”
Here is that something...not yet edited. I need to let it sit a day before reading it again.
_______________________________
When looking for something inspirational to share at tonight’s meeting --- because that is what it is all about to me; leaving inspired, leaving energized, leaving with unmitigated contentment that I am right where I should be; I began to look around my bookcase for something to stick out, I began to Google, “Inspirational Words About Mom” and after so many poems about mothers and blue birds singing, I decided to write something myself. Thank you for indulging.
Mothers:
We all know how we want to be, how we want to be perceived, how we want to be like the others who keep their cool in the worst of times. But, little do we know that others are looking at us, having the exact same thought.
How can we even begin to try to capture what it means to be a mother, both in the most daily mundane and ordinary ways, and in the deepest parts of ourselves? How can we present some sort of truth about bearing and caring for children, when that takes place wordlessly inside the center of our soul?
When I gave birth to my now almost 14 year old, who stands a good inch taller than me and wears size 11 shoe; I declared to the world that my son would never know anger. Motherhood is one of those things that is totally impossible to visualize until you are in it. Until you have cleaned the spit up off your shirt, while simultaneously putting your daughter’s hair in a pony, while telling the person on the phone that you WILL be bringing the treats to the T-Ball game, while staring down your oldest, showing great disdain for his most recent and inappropriate behavior.
Yes, you think it will be a certain way – you will have infinite patience, you won’t yell, you’ll sit on the floor for hours, reading to your quiet lovelies, and you will buy organic spaghettios, but motherhood is all about turning your world upside down. Who coined the phrase, “Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water?” Was it a frazzled mother?
In this room, there is only us. Mothers to God’s incredible handpicked gifts. We are so lucky! We are mother’s who feel and love and who do the best we can, struggling and laughing more than we thought we would, and yelling and learning and regressing and pleading, sometimes crying out in frustration and then, a little later, in gratitude for the blessing of being mothers.
I want to thank you for being here tonight. Thank you for carving out the time that is knowingly so hard to come by. Thank you for sharing your story of being a mom. Thank you for continuing to be a fervent supporter for the woman to your left, the woman to your right and the woman who isn’t able to be here this evening.
I close with a quote that does not necessarily tie this essay into a neat little package – like I was hoping for, but this quote struck me and I was moved to share it.
“Having a child is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”
Monday, May 9, 2011
Change is Inevitable
Sometimes when change happens, the reaction is a simple, "Well, I didn't see that coming." Sometimes, we don't even notice it. Other times, we sit and wait for it. Change is inevitable they say. It is constant.
I watch change within the human condition. I watch it slowly ripple from it's dawn.
"It's beginning to change, isn't it?" I ask of a friend - feeling our conversation akin to something Pooh Bear and Piglet might share. "Yes. Change is inevitable."
Our sight is keen to this change. This progression. This affect of instinctive human form. We write about the change we see; in a quickened pace, they might look back and all looks okay. From a distance, the visual is blurred and changed and the mind's image is altered.
We watch the continuum of condition and smile at our novelty.
We will change - slower than the rest, but we will change. Our lives have been brought together and i gently nudge my friend to continue...for change is inevitable.......they say.
I watch change within the human condition. I watch it slowly ripple from it's dawn.
"It's beginning to change, isn't it?" I ask of a friend - feeling our conversation akin to something Pooh Bear and Piglet might share. "Yes. Change is inevitable."
Our sight is keen to this change. This progression. This affect of instinctive human form. We write about the change we see; in a quickened pace, they might look back and all looks okay. From a distance, the visual is blurred and changed and the mind's image is altered.
We watch the continuum of condition and smile at our novelty.
We will change - slower than the rest, but we will change. Our lives have been brought together and i gently nudge my friend to continue...for change is inevitable.......they say.
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