Frayed

My role as a mother and my relationship with my teenager is becoming frayed.  I wish i can be complaining about the mundane, trivial teenage-dom angst
1. He doesn't listen to me
2. He is argumentative about his homework
3. Oh, where does he get his taste in music
4. He just likes his friends more than his family
But - I am looking into the future and if my son does not take notice of his exceedingly increasing choice in character - then I am afraid our relationship will snap in two.

i HATE selfish people.  I LOATE selfish people.  i DON'T UNDERSTAND self importance.  My son is turning into a person that I so adamantly dislike.  I cannot take this. 

I do not wish to look at some 'self help' book or how to change my child from Monday to Tuesday. Or read about "How to talk to your teenager so he will listen."  I am not asking for a Church going, raise your hands in the air, volunteer at the soup kitchen every Thursday kind of child. I want a child who gets that being selfish will do nothing but isolate you in so many ways.

This morning, I yelled at him, "Don't you get that I love you unconditionally!"  "Don't you get that your parents are proud of you?  Why do you keep slapping us in the face?"

My son needs to change.  It hurts to see him grow up and make the choices he is making to only serve him.  This is nothing new, unfortunately, he has had this in him since birth and we have always worked our way through it.  But, we are now working through a very small countdown of a few years left with him and he is gone.

There are so many things to be proud of him and I will not list them, as i have listed them before.  But, as a mom, i am presently worried for him.  It eats away at me.  This morning, as i listed all the traits I presently see in him : greedy, selfish, rude...to name a few, I followed it by saying, "this is the child i kiss every night and say I love you....but i can't like someone like this."  and then i began to cry.  who says that??? what mother says, "i don't think i can like you."  i gave birth to you, i raised you, i poured my soul into you and now, i dont' like you?  i don't get it.  help me understand it.

I know too many selfish people and  even though i associate with them on a daily basis, i learn nothing from them.  I take nothing from them.  i DO NOT want this to be my son. i want so much to learn from him, to take from him, to embrace him for who he has become.

Thanks for listening