To Work Within the Deisre, How? When? Why? Where?

I desire a change. I often desire a change. I look at my existence and question, "What can i do better?"

Growing up, I was the same, but in simple form, i was in constant need of changing my surround; and at that time, I did it through rearranging my room furniture and writing.

The reality of my resume: Stay at home mom, raising 4 kids, living in Minnetonka, Minnesota...a slow paced, suburb of Minneapolis.

I so desire to be present in this world. I always have, and sitting back, talking about diaper changes and dish detergents encourages contemplation.

I rest on my excuses: 4 growing children, intelligence, know how, time, location, sacrifice for the other, etc. Each one, filling a page of whys and cannots.

Asleep within my time

I was told by a great lady to wait it out; i would be more effective when kids are older and concentration is shifted. Perhaps this is true. I worked diligently with the local foodshelf until one day, my children's safety was strongly compromised and now that tie has been severed....for now.

So, what do I desire?

awakeness in life
participation within the abundance energy of culture
uniqueness of time (suburban coffee shops ....NO)
a place for photography concentration --- this would clearly follow from above
a different view

I am placed here. Yes, I am. I can appreciate it, be thankful, feel blessed, and secure. I write to say that i am not complacent. I do not desire to stay on my microscopic dot. My question: If there is a desire, and it is strong, then where is the will to make it happen? When I can't even seem to etch out time for a haircut - how would i etch out time for such a monumental endeavor?

The choices I have made have lead me through this life - this one time on stage, life. I am in need of a shift. I am in need - like the little girl before me - of the furniture changed.

Thanks for listening