During these present moments, I am experiencing this same model, not with my toddler but with my 14 year old. I often think that marketers have missed their mark. Those cute 2T t-shirts that have toddler-esque tag lines are wasted on the young. The whole 'mine' and 'no' and 'here comes trouble' can just as easily be applied to teenagers.
A bit of conversation in timeline of past days---- i hope you can follow along. But first - some ground rules (if not mentioned before).
1. Music instruments are to be practiced 5 days a week. If not achieved, then music lessons that week are to be paid by participant.
2. Chores are expected each and every day. Responsibility lies solely on the family member. If no chores are completed, then no payment is received for said chore.
3 Payday is every other Friday
January 9 - 13 (payday 1/13)
Knowing he had a ski date coming up on the 21, he worked very hard this week to earn enough money to go. He also knew that payday was the 13th, so all monies had to be acquired by the 13th to be able to go. Getting him to do guitar practice was a battle that week.
January 16 - 20
No Chores. None. Sat on his small butt on the couch. Wandered around the house with hands in his pockets. Built legos. Wandered some more. Gave short, one word answers when attempting to engage in conversation. On Friday afternoon, he practiced guitar on his own. (guitar lessons are on Tuesdays. Beginning on Friday was calculated out - this would be the first of five days of practice)
Saturday: Skiing all day. 9am - 9pm. He gets home around 9:30. Dead tired. Opens up guitar case, sits on his bed. Plucks a few chords and stares at the floor on and off for 15 minutes. "I'm going to bed," he declares when I make my presence known. Ultimately, this means that he will be paying for lessons.
Before he falls asleep, "Mom, my friend is having a surprise birthday party at the mall tomorrow. We area all going to have lunch and then go see a movie. It's at 2pm. Soooo, can i go?"
"Perry, I am fresh out of money. Do you have anything saved up from your chores?"
"I spent it on snowboarding today."
"Well, then, I'm afraid you can't go. Sorry."
"Sooooo, you are saying that I can't go?"
"Yes, that is what you are hearing me tell you. My guess is that if you were consistent in doing chores on a daily basis, you would have plenty of money to go."
SUNDAY MORNING, JANUARY 22
"Mom, about today. Is there a way that I can go to the party?"
Exasperated, "No, Perry. You cannot go!"
Little sister adds into conversation, "Perry, I have 50 dollars if you want to borrow it."
"Hey, thanks!" "Mom, so will you be able to drive me to the mall? I need to be there before 2pm."
"I'm thinking you need to arrange your own ride on this one."
"Mom, I have it arranged that I will go with my friend's family if you are able to pick us up."
Coaching him: "Mom, is it okay if you pick me and my friend up from the Mall tonight? If so, i would really appreciate it."
He responds, "So, does that mean you will be picking us up tonight?"
Side Note: I pulled sister aside. I made her draft up a contract and Perry had to give up snowboard as collateral. He gets until Sunday, January 29th to pay it off.
Because I am upset that he is able to go on his own 'borrowed' dime. I bring up the sensitive subject of guitar - that still has not been touched.
"Perry, I need to tell you that you owe me 20.00 for your lesson on Tuesday."
"Well, there is no way i can earn 20.00 before Tuesday."
"Then I have no choice - you will not be able to go and if you do not go, you are telling me that this is not a priority, but rather an expensive hobby. I can't have this and will have to end your lessons."
"Well, okay, if you want to make that decision, then go ahead."
SUNDAY EVENING, JANUARY 22
"Mom, since i have no school on Friday, I'm thinking about getting a bunch of friends together to go snowboarding all day. Would you be able to take us to Hyland?"
very agitated at this point.
Another aside - many moons ago, i told him that if he earned half of the ski lift ticket, I would pay the rest. I am regretting this statement.
Calmly:
"Perry, you owe your sister $15.00 from your time on Saturday. You need to earn an additional $20.00 to go snowboarding. How do you intend on making 35.00 this week?" (and of course, this Friday falls on a payday)
"I am going to go work on a contract right now and if I can earn more than 8 dollars a day with chores, i can do it."
"So, you are taking guitar off the table for good?"
"Well, i won't be able to earn 20 by Tuesday and *you* are the one who made that decision...soooo, i guess.....ya."
again...getting agitated. Here is this boy willing to work his butt off for something he really wants: Mall and Snowboarding. But not something that is a privilege and an art...AND he was the one that encouraged both his father and I to agree to giving him lessons. He REALLY wanted this.
MONDAY AFTERNOON AFTER SCHOOL
"Mom, here is my list of chores that I am going to do. I can earn 7 dollars to today and I can earn 10 tomorrow - IF i am allowed to watch Sidney for an hour and do other chores. So, I can pay lucy off and begin to work on my lift ticket for Hyland."
"So, it looks like you have 17.00 earned by Tuesday. This means that you are close to 20.00! YOU CAN PAY FOR GUITAR!!
"What?! Well, what about Hyland?!"
"Perry, you need to figure out what your priorities are. You have said that you wanted to stay in guitar, but I was pulling rank on you with having to put your money into it. Being that you really want to stay in it, here is your chance my dear!"
A mumbled, "Okay, i will do guitar."
"Good Choice!'
"So, that means that I will really need to work hard this week to earn the extra money for Hyland."
Yesterday, he worked from 3 - 7 doing all kinds of chores around the house.
I don't see him being able to carry this off --- but knowing my son, he is going to find a way. I have already taken babysitting off the table as i have told him that if he showed he was a contributing member of this house and had a good track record, I would be more than happy to give him a couple of babysitting jobs to earn extra money. Both last night and tonight, I will be going out. Lucy, the 10 year old, has been in charge. I have left after the baby has fallen asleep, so the responsibility is minimal. He has also been said No to on other occasions because of his lack of responsibility around here.
So, akin to my younger self in trying to navigate a perfect system to, I am still trying to figure it all out.
Thanks for listening
Extra:
1. When you're a teenager, 'No' is a complete sentence
2. Raising teenagers is like trying wrestle slippery pigs with your hands tied behind your back
3. Having teenagers is like living with a bowling alley inside your head
4. Mothers of teenagers know why animals eat their young
5. Raising a teenager is like nailing Jell-O to a tree
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