"...and what's new with you?"

This time last year, I was the Director of a Homeschool Co-Op. I was 'actively' engaged.  I was homeschooling 2 children.  I had a 1 year old who was in the prime of discover.  I had a teenager who was in continuous self-revelationy mode himself which created tension, chaos, denial, but strengthen a parental bond.  I was closely assisting with the transition of a new Children's Ministry Director at our Church, i had hours to volunteer, I was planning a trip for Paris and my life was never in a series of question that I find myself in 365 days later.

In a matter of months, and much of it by choice, but ALL of it by God's will - I am no longer in my co-op.  I am no longer homeschooling.  My 1 year old is now 2.  My teenager is still is a teenager - but gone are the days of battled endeavors that daily plagued this family. I took myself out of Children's Ministry, volunteering is at a minimum and there are no pending trips to Paris at this time.

But, I am (and as it seems, forever shall be) in a world of suffering.  Again, a choice, as well as a direction of a Divine Will.

What is new with me? you ask.  What *is* new with me.  Not a whole lot.  I can take up several minutes of your time with an enraptured cadence about this new found world of grief.  Other than that???  I would be hard pressed to find something.  

Today, I sought council because of an invitation by my pastors. I had written them both am emotionally charged, exasperating email and they both wrote immediately, wanting to see me.

I am at the end of my course. I am confused, i lay in question, I am resistant, I am angered.  This is what is new with me.  I sat for just over an hour - refusing to cry.   Refusing to show affect of this.  I had to prove to myself that I was still strong and viable.  My pastor cried for me.  He showed an incredible love for me.  "Katie, we've got your back, sistah!  We will cry for you when you can't.  The fact that you are here, that you wrote an email means that you are fighting for this."

The end of our meeting lead to more business about some responsibilities i have at the moment.  it was good to end there. I composed myself to head on out.   As we walked down the hall, a friend poked herself out of her office.  "Hey, can you come in and talk for a while?  Here, take a seat.  Do you have a second to talk?  What's new with you?"