unconditional love

as a new parent, you hear the term, 'unconditional love.' it plays over and over in your head like a scratch on a record. Unconditional Love, Unconditional Love, Unconditional Love. People close to you continue to say, "Oh, you will love that child with unconditional love." It is a song that you have learned to memorize, but in your naivete', you don't quite understand.

When I was younger and my babies were, yes, babies, I loved them with my exploding heart. I protected them like any great momma bear would and I helped them fight their battles like the best lioness in the land. I would speak quietly to them at night and tell them that my love for them was UNCONDITIONAL.

It is only now that i look back and think that i really didn't understand what unconditional love meant. I took that phrase for granted and accepted that, yes, I will always love my children...it was easy. Nothing tested that love. When I needed them, they were right there with a hug, a kiss, a hand hold, etc. When they needed me, my arms were wide open, my ears were keen on listening to their woes and my heart was beating with incredible acceptance of the moment.

This phrase, unconditional love, is wasted on young mothers. It is needed most when your children are in need of detaching from your strong hold. A mother will always and forever desire the hand holding, the hugging, the spontaneous quiet kiss followed by a whispered, "I love you," but a growing child sees these small acts of affection as a bump in the road, only to slow him/her down in the exciting future that lays ahead.

I am, with great heartache and yearning, experiencing the world of unconditional love. I reach out for my child's hand and he pulls away. I run to him after a week of not seeing him, to only be greeted with a shoulder shrug amongst his friends. My ears cling to words and phrases, as he shares but small bits of his 6 days away from home. I want to cradle him, kiss him (and at times, met with great resistance, I do anyway) and I whisper to him, "I LOVE you sooooo much."

As I type this, i think of "The Giving Tree." God as called upon every single mother to not only go through the pain of childbirth - but the pain of her child growing up. He also calls upon you to test that love with great vehemence when you want nothing more but to like you child.

I am now embarking on a shaky trail. I see ditches, weeds, boulders to climb over, divots within, and crumbling paths and oddly enough, as i type this - i picture this: My children ahead of me on that path - walking with great security as if they know the way - the path is clear and crisp - and as i follow behind, tumbling over the logs and the rocks and the tall weeds, I secure the tie on my cape that I have written in permanent marker, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

Thanks.

And after a long time
the boy came back again.
"I'm sorry, Boy,"
said the tree, "but i have nothing left to give you -
My apples are gone."

"My branches are gone."

"My trunk is gone."

"I am sorry," sighed the tree.
"I wish that i could give you something...
but I have nothing left. I am just an old stump. I am sorry..."

"I don't need very much now," said the boy
"just a quiet place to sit and rest. I am very tired."

"Well," said the tree, straightening herself up as much as she could
"well, an old stump IS good for sitting and resting.
Come boy, sit and down, sit down and rest."

And the boy did.