Typing in the Dark

I began a journal for this new life growing inside of me the day I found out I was pregnant. I have entitled the journal, Typing in the Dark. I sat in our dark sun room the evening that I wrote this first passage; the kids were asleep, john was at work, the TV was off and all was quiet with the exception of my pounding thoughts. Here is marking the first passage of Typing in the Dark.

Typing in the Dark

I am 40 years old and pregnant. The cursor blinks with impatience as my stare of the screen blurs. I am 40 and pregnant. I can’t seem to define this in any sense and I wait fervently for news of elated confirmation or saddened misfortune. I am balancing; balancing between the extraordinary possibilities unfolding before me.

This is you at 6 weeks gestation. Already I am building love for you. I look at the cartooned rendering and quietly say, “There you are, baby.” This already is a dream and I am blinded by uncertainty, but you are with me, there is no denying. I am 40. I am nauseous, I am sleepy and my insides are already shifting in great preparation. I close tonight, knowing I will visit the computerized ‘baby calendar’ to check on development. Doctor visits are already scheduled and future plans for your arrival are in constant thought and discussion. One day your siblings will be privy to this awe-inspiring life growing. They too will find a place for you in their hearts and our house will be a buzz with a renewed excitement. Good night to you.

Toying with something I know nothing about at this moment