Will I Miss These Moments?

My infant son and I rock in his chair as the U2 Rock-a-Bye Baby Cd plays at my feet. As he slowly closes his eyes and his brain is lulled by each passing rock; i wonder, "Will I miss these moments?"

He is now asleep and my mind wonders to my children. In present time, what will I look back upon and truly miss.

Lucy:


This morning, as we gathered in the van to depart for the day, I asked, "Do you have your water bottle?" She jumped out of the car and back inside the house. Minutes later, she emerged from the garage door, and in her crying jags, i hear, "I can't find it anywhere."

Lucy has a dainty spirit and it does not take much to shatter her world (an irony prevails with how she dresses and presents herself and i will get to that later). Everyday mishaps bring her to full on tears and i have to wonder, "Will i miss these moments?" On what occasion, will I fondly look back at this time. What family gathering will we be at when it is appropriate for me to say, "Oh Lucy, remember how you used to cry at every little misstep in life? Ah, good times."

At night, Lucy reminds me to come in her room for a hug and a kiss - even though we have said our good nights, and i have kissed her and whispered sweet nothings in her ears , she still waits for me to come in. This has been a ritual for many years - the process has changed a bit and the rhythm of the evening has changed - but I am always and forever asked to come into her room. Presently, it is because she has to kiss me all over my face. Forehead, chin, each cheek, nose, ears and finally lips, with a final hug at the end. There are evenings i dread going in because other mundane aspects of life seem to trump her willing desire of loving contact. Other evenings, i revel in our presence with the other. Today, as i look at this and know this ritual will one day pass, I have to say, "Yes, I will miss these moments."

She is quite the individual and has always had a flare for dress. It began with unmatched socks that have now disappeared for almost a year now (and i forget at times to 'miss' those moments). Now, it is boy shorts and a very worn, ugly brown 'happy t-shirt' that is donned on daily. Her friends and peers have ribbons in the hair, braids, cute pony tails and fashionable clothes that a mom might say, 'hey, she really looks cute.' Lucy has on knee hi's, plaid boy shorts and her happy shirt - accompanied with her hair down and often in her face. I can not deny that when her outlook on fashion changes, it will be bittersweet. I treasure her unique style. it gets old at times and there are moments i wish i could go out and purchase a new wardrobe for her - but she is her own person and she declares it perfectly with her dress. Yes, I will miss these moments!"

Perry:

I had to skip Simon for a moment and jump to Perry. I am wondering when will there be a time when i will say, "Oh ya, i forgot that you used to play with Lego's continuously throughout the days." If I look around me, I see a computerized Lego bob-cat sitting in front of me on the dining room table and just behind me, escaping my view for the moment, is a room capped with Legos.

Perry and his dad got up at 5am this morning to build Lego's together (as was promised by dad who had an early conference call to attend to and 5am was decided upon as a decent time to play together). I find myself closing the door from view, and I am not able to navigate my way to the couch without stepping on something plastic. John and I used to build fortresses out of duplo blocks when Perry was a toddler. He is now 12 and building with his Lego's offers him an exceptional pleasure that I can not see being matched by anything other. Today, he has an offer to go to a friends house and swim for the afternoon - and there is a hesitancy about him because he wants to do some programming for his NXT bob-cat he just built (I just got him a programming book for his set). I am not sure what will change in Perry's life and I am not sure when the time will come when i will say, "oh, how i miss those moments of Lego's in my sun room." But i know i will!

I walk a very fine line with Perry as a parent. It has been one of my most challenging tasks in life and I once wrote that God had not intended great things for me with the exception of being a mom to an extraordinary boy. the cursor blinks as my mind flashes to a multitude of 'moments' that have passed and that i truly miss.


* baking odd creations that john and I ate in his presence -- some good, some horrid - but he had a love of baking.

* his early love of geography. packing up his clothes at the age of 4, bringing a suit case into the living room and saying, "mom, when i am in 4th grade, i am going to be leaving and going on a trip to many places around the world. here is a picture of me so that you don't forget what i look like." The picture was a hand drawn picture of him on a piece of scratch paper and i left the 'packed' suit case in our living room for a couple of weeks.

* His love of puzzles at such an early age, he couldn't get enough. I quickly look at his life today and see his multitude of 'first place' chess trophies on his book case, the Lego's he has formed that are mind blowing. Oh, what a mind.

There are many aspects of perry's personality that are ingrained within - some attractive and others quite questionable and as mom, i am thinking...ya, i wouldn't mind 'missing those moments.'

Simon:

Simon, Simon, Simon. I am not sure where to begin. This boy wears his heart on his sleeve and is fragile to the core. This is what i am hoping to look back upon and truly NOT miss. He is delicate in every way and I often tip toe around his brittle self. When I stomp in front of him with my monsterous steps at times; i crumble within the aftermath and this is where i find myself today. Filled with question on 'how could i have handled that situtation better with my son?'

At night, when we hug our good nights, i feel my baby. I feel his innocence and his desire to be cuddled and i feel an almost ardent desire from him to be young again. At times I think this world is too much for him and the pressure of 'where to be' presses too much upon him. He is a boy in constant search of himself and at times he reaches out to me to save him - and this is where i falter.

What are the 'will i miss these moments' scenarios with Simon? I am not completly sure.

Will I miss that he goes to bed with two tiny rags that were once his baby blanket? Yes.
Do I miss that he used to wear a hat every single day of his life (and still does in the winter time). Yes.
Will I miss those moments that he changed his core character to mimic someone else's near to him? No.
Will I miss - "I will just go with the crowd" mentality he often takes part in? No
Will I miss those fleeting moments when he is purely happy to be himself? YES!

(Tangent: Parenting is the hardest job on the planet and I can only pray that I am up for the task...tears).

These moments are not to be taken for granted. each passing second in life builds upon the next and I have to hold on to what I can before it fades away.

Will I miss these moments?