Time to let go

So, as i stole a few moments in the shower - and as you will come to find out, it was only but a few moments, i quickly reminisced on items that used to annoy me and now, as i take in one deep breath after the next; for it is arduous to breathe these days, i let go piece by piece that of which used to try my patience and temper.

1. 3 minute showers: this has been going on for quite some time. Something is funky with our water heater and our time is stretched day to day. John has not had a chance to look at it and so within the last 2 or so months, we have grown accustomed to 3 minutes of warm water and then ....well, for me, it is time to turn on the blow dryer and warm my body (outisde the shower, mind you).

2. My husband who has not been home before 11pm for close to 2 weeks now. If i tell myself that I am once again a baseball widow and I won't be seeing him until sometime in September; then i can find resolution in all this and it won't cause resentment in our marriage (smile). On a good day, if he does happen to show his face around here, then all the better. Although, he has been told that I am confiscating his cell phone on the day of his child's birth. I understand hsi committment and his truth is his family and support, thereof, but i have since thought of the Twins Organization as the Mafia of Minnesota. Once you sign on the dotted line, you are IN. Currently, he is dealing with the titanic mess a company has brought upon the organization and his time is now their time. THEY are the ones that I am truy disturb me.

3. Tight fitting clothing - i vowed not to buy that many maternity clothes - simply knowing that i would never wear them again, and it would not only be a waste of my money, but a frivolous indulgence. I have two pairs of pants that fit me, the other's are continually being pulled up because they don't fit correctly. I have three maternity tops and the rest comes from my own wardrobe. I used to get frustrated that nothing seemed to fit - and now I really don't care. Last night i was a target and saw a friend who always looks as if a beauty squad is following her. I was wearing one of my worn out pair of maternity pants, a top that crept up my belly and one of john's sweaters to cover everything up. my hair was barely brushed and i had no make up -- well, a little color because my husband informed me that my face looked 'wintery.' as i stared at this well-made up woman, i felt dull and lifeless; but at the same time, i really didn't care. i walked the ailes with pride.

4. Lack of Sleep: This i have simply resigned. I have found a comfortable couch and a very nice down comforter. This is how i spend my evenings - on a couch. but i am getting more sleep than before, so i am thankful.

5. this baby. BUT, i am over that now. Although, he is the root of me having to breathe now with my mouth open to get optimal oxygen, my growing number of varicose veins, my frequent trips to the bathroom, my exhaustion by day's end, and my handicapped type waddle. but the oddity of my angst against him is all by dissapaited.

so, that is my short list.