Another All About Me

Again, in writing.
SECOND POSTING
Last week, I had two mason jars sitting out and instruction for the kids to fill it up with "defining" objects. "What is You?" I asked and sent them on their hunt. We decorated the outside of the jar and then let them sit for the weekend on the dining room table.

Today, we talked about the recent news event about someone finding a message in a bottle, sent from Florida and found in Ireland. Another story talked about a 4th grader in Seattle, sending out a message as a class experiment and 21 years later, it shows up on the coast of the Bering Sea. Today, we took out the jars and simon and lucy were prompted to write a character portrayal of 'the jar.' If someone were to find this jar somewhere in this world, how would they define you, simply by looking inside.

Here is Lucy's jar - as seen by her mother.

I am a delicate flower, yet protected by my rustic wall that I have so well defined. I cry at a simple pinch of my pinkie, but in the same breath, bellow, "BACK OFF!" as a warning to all. I am fragile, yet strong and unbreakable at times.

The wind tries to hurry past my fleeting pace, but is defeated by it's loss.

I have much to prove, but will not be made to show. I am a solo actor on this stage. Secure and shaken....always 5 steps ahead of myself and yet find myself quivering in step when there is a bump or a crack lain out in obstacle form. I have been here many times before, but I will persevere, I will persevere.

It's All About Me

Again, in writing.
Last week, I had two mason jars sitting out and instruction for the kids to fill it up with "defining" objects. "What is You?" I asked and sent them on their hunt. We decorated the outside of the jar and then let them sit for the weekend on the dining room table.

Today, we talked about the recent news event about someone finding a message in a bottle, sent from Florida and found in Ireland. Another story talked about a 4th grader in Seattle, sending out a message as a class experiment and 21 years later, it shows up on the coast of the Bering Sea. Today, we took out the jars and simon and lucy were prompted to write a character portrayal of 'the jar.' If someone were to find this jar somewhere in this world, how would they define you, simply by looking inside.

All three of us wrote. I took simon's jar for my observational study and this is what I wrote...simply from looking at his chosen objects.

++++++++

I am complicated. I am specific. When I relax, or feel at my most accomplished self, I take out a book, my notepad and my stubby pencil; sit outside amongst nature and be a part of the glorious unfolding. I am a person with an undertaking of words, a command over the English language and a creative user of its form and structure. I use words to find myself - to develop my person, to exercise my soul. The surround of books strengthens my resolve and perception. Not too many people know the true me. I am ambiguous, yet present. I am open, yet covered, grounded and guarded. My intent unfolds before you and yet, you look around, searching, as if i am lost.

Writing from Simon

Words of Nothingness

Nothing is nothing - then again,
Nothing is Something.
There is nothing called nothing
because
Nothing has to be something.
If there is such a thing as nothing
What does it look like?
How does it feel?
Nothing means nothing to anyone who...

doesn't have an imagination.

Where do things go that disintegrate?
Do they cease to exist?
Would that be nothing?
Along with, "To be or not to be"
I say
Nothing is Something
or
is
Nothing just Nothing

I Do As Told

I was asked to briefly submit my week in review. Here it is - although, in afterthought, I am wondering how i made it through at times.

Monday 9-27: First day home to actually do school with kids. Regular schedule, regular list: read aloud, history, math, the whole nine yards. Nice nap time from baby, good lunch, decent dinner. Husband works late into the evening and daughter has evening soccer practice. Decent, predictable and manageable night.

Tuesday 9-28: Root Canal in the morning, funeral in the afternoon, son's soccer game in the evening -- it is very cold outside. he is not playing yet, due to recently tympanoplasty. husband makes it home in time to relieve me and baby from soccer game. desperately trying to find a way to make it out to California to attend a family funeral. Husband works for major league baseball team - they will be in playoffs and the calendar is packed solid for thursday (the day of funeral) Late tuesday evening, i finally succumb to the knowledge that I will not be able to make it, however the creativity of planning.

Wednesday 9:29: Regular morning of school. lovely day outside. Meeting at church in late morning. 5:00 son calls from high school to ask to be picked up from cross country practice. 5:30 choir practice for other two. 6:30 Pottery making of communion cups. 7:00 home again to get dinner for all 4 kids. oldest is upset because he lost his MP3 player and is moping around the house and refusing to do homework. daughter is upset because she didn't have enough time in the pottery activity and is physically demonstrating her disappointment in the evening. middle child is trying to compensate for the stress level in the house by asking if he can clean anything in site. As i am undressing baby and bringing him to his room, he pees all over me, my pants, my shoes, my shirt. the oldest child heads downstairs and falls down the steps, knocking the wind out of him. As i race down the stairs to attend to this very large baby of mine, the 18th month old slips in own urine on the wood floor and is crying and daughter is in her room with the door closed and middle child is vacuuming the living room. Husband at a dinner outing on his second glass of wine.

Thursday 9-30: Beautiful fall day. 8:15 piano lessons begin the day. Do a nice portion of school outside. It is early release day for the jr. high as there are conferences. All goes well and baby naps perfectly. 1:00 Jr high student walks in door. He eats something and I tell him that I am on my way to drop his brother off at book club - 25 minutes away and i will come back to pick him up for his conference. Drop his brother off, come home, pick him up as well as his sister. Three kids attend conference - older sister is entertaining baby in the classroom. 4:00 conference is over and we make our way to pick up middle son from book club - 25 minutes away (book club was over at 4:00), get home just in time to make dinner for all 4 kids. baby makes mess of peas and rice combo dinner. 5:35 drop jr high student off for his piano lesson. get to middle child's soccer practice on time at 5:45. turn back around to get daughter on her soccer field just before 6:00 (all distances are at least 15 minutes from the other) for her game. it is freezing out this evening and she has forgotten her jacket. Rush home and pick up jacket. Turn around to get oldest from piano practice and then make a bee line to pick up middle child from soccer practice. Soccer practice goes a bit late and we wait and wait and wait. Finally, he gets in the car and we head straight to daughter's game -- we arrive during the second half and as she plays on the field, she shouts out to me, "Mom, i scored 2 goals!!! it was so awesome. you missed it!" Baby finally get to get out of car and roams soccer area. finds some older kids to entertain himself with and follows them outside the gated field. 8:30, we all arrive safe and sound at home. Husband working late.

Friday 10-1: Homeschool gym class at 9:00. This goes until 12:00. We get home, do school, set baby for nap and he sleeps a very long time. The other two chidlren are invited out for a fun afternoon field trip. Later in the afternoon, I have to get baby up, as I am needed for carpooling of jr. high boy. Get to high school and pick up 5 teenage boys to take them 30 miles west of high school for pasta party (insane)- as tomorrow is big race. Fight friday night traffic. On the way to the party, 5 boys trying to cheer up crying baby Drop boys off and head to find some kind of store to buy food for baby, who is quite hungry after his nap and not in the best of mood --- as well as dinner for the rest of the family. husband will be home tonight, taking care of kids. . get to store, but now late in picking up boys. Get boys in car, take them all home and arrive at my house at 6:20. A friend of mine is already at the house, has been there since 6pm --- we are going to a Twins game that evening and it begins in just over 30 minutes. I change into warmer clothing and we make it to downtown, just as the first inning is wrapping up. But we made it. The first thing i do is get a beer. We have 6th row seats behind home plate. quite lovely.

and that was my week.

The Road Less Traveled

The journey is treacherous, betraying, unreliable, enduring and flat out hard. All experts have written on the tiresome subject, all authors have enticed us with their glutinous verbiage of guilt, and all parents travel closely behind; watching the unraveling of the road as their teenager takes step after step after step - finding placement within their adult and independent world.

The 19th month old seeks within unmarred ground. The vision is narrowed, the feats are remarkable, yet simple, and each step, albeit numerable in comparison, comes equipped with an iron clad safety net.

The 13 year old hasn't a clue! (I had to put this in - as it is the truth)

Pathing and marking his way, 13 years of experience arm him with little. He was once able to toddle around in the open waters - knee deep, secure in his findings and life was complicated, but easily predictable. He is now out among them, and the water is deeper than he; even though he is a centimeter taller than his own mother, and he is expected to take all the knowledge from his playful days and make sense of it all. It is close to impossible. As parents, we still have the rope around his waste, standing and waiting, preparing for that time when he truly needs our help --- but for now, he continues, on his own. Off he travels.

Our relationship is altered, and still respected with this 13 year old.

Last night, he and his younger brother were playing a card game. Younger brother taunts older brother - older brother gets mad and tears up game sheets that younger brother holds dear to his heart.

"He made me tear them up! I do not owe him anything!"

All were there in this 'court of responsibility' discussion; late into the evening hours. The discussion no longer follows the guise of 'both of you say you're sorry, hug each other and go off and play nicely together.' Whatever brought this effortless moment of anger to fruition was not key to discussion. The moment of the act, the ownership of choice of the act and the responsibility in afterthought were the key players in conversation.

"He made me tear them up. I will not pay out any money. I do not owe him anything. Not even an apology!"

Adulthood, independence, maturity, growing up, responsibility, trustworthiness, dependability, value, choices, and character were all mapped out within the circuitous dialogue.

There was no resolve to the evening. Ultimately, it is up to him. No longer are we holding his hand - but trying to put our trust in his decision. We are there with firm words, guidelines, and strong, strong, suggestions, but, this journey is his. His road, his time, his moment to show the character of whom he is and what path he is choosing to walk.

Thanks for listening.

Whispering Moments

Our writing prompts always come from a book I am reading to the kids. I read a couple of chapters and then we dive into 'writing mode.' Sometimes we play music where we are at, other times, we sit quietly and today, we are all outside - listening to the world travel above us, besides us, behind us and moving quickly along the path. We are listening and taking advantage of life's whispering moments

In my attempt to catch up before it's too late, i shall mark down it's present moment. it whispers to me in all it's song

the airplane travels overhead; if sidney were outside, he would outstretch his arms like wings of a bird and repeat - eh-pae....eh-pae - all the while, dancing to the hum of the jets.

the car - maneuvering quickly around the bend of our small street.

a small breeze picks up and passes by, touching first, the back of my neck and moving onward to play within the entanglement of the trees.

A biker careens down the newly paved street, and elderly gentlemen walks his two springer spaniel puppies, dogs bark, airplanes fly, leaves swiftly move, and lucy is now beginning to read.

Both kids have agreed to let me share their writing of the morning.

SIMON

Fall is my favorite season, the winds rustle then flow. The leaves crackle at your every step. The tress lose their green and out comes the yellow, the red, the brown. The air gets smoky, the smell is pure. Even though Fall is amazing, it can not endure. The wrath of winter covers everything in white, the darkness falls and closes summers light. The comes Spring, the newing of flight. Birds are in the air, the light is so bright. Coming of summer, we come out to play; the squirrels, the chipmunks, the bees. For a while, we stay.

LUCY (she wrote hers in little snippets)
I am watching some birds in the sky. They are seagulls to my heart.
I am going to walk Charlie, the dog, he is slow but pads on gratefully
I hear some birds tweeting and hope they are chickadees, they are my favorite.
And now, I sit hungry, wanting lunch and Annie's Shells and pie.

A Memory

Today, in writing, we are journaling about memories. Lucy has decided to quickly jot down 12 memories while simon sits, cross legged upon the couch, eyes gazed out beyond his toes, thinking of something to write and describe.

In honor of a family friend, Tommy Trujillo, I shall dedicate this memory to him.

Memory is fickle - it carries an almost hallucinogenic quality - it makes things up if needed, blocks others out and can embellish any tale of remembrance.

Tommy was a gentle soul. He was soft spoken and a man who gave thought to what was said. He never jumped to conclusions, nor did he judge opinions. He called me, "Katie, my love," spoken like a melody - rising. Tommy never put on airs, never tried to be someone he wasn't and accepted you - the good, the bad and the ugly. I respect this man, whom without knowing, molded me in so many ways.

"Uncle" Tommy and "Auntie" Bobbie were fixtures at every family occasion - holidays, birthdays, confirmations, graduations, and weddings. Although I have not spoken to him since my babies were toddlers, my heart significantly feels his passing.

In memory of Tommy.
Thanks for listening.

Back in the Game?

Well, maybe. It is beginning to feel like such. I am AT A COFFEE SHOP, PLANNING!! Well, actually, I am writing in my blog - but i am planning, nonetheless. My breathing is not as significantly binding and I am assuming after tomorrow comes and goes, it will be back to normal.

Odd Updates in no particular order

1. Simon: Recovering slowly from his ear surgery. I think this one has been the most significant and hopefully, will yield the best results. I think he is enjoying being a patient and getting doted on by his mother.

2. Daddy's T-Shirt Night: I am not sure why this is making the list; and I am positive I have written about it before. To remind: At the age of 4, Perry initiated what would become a long standing weekly tradition, "Daddy's T-Shirt Night." each and every friday, he and Simon dressed up in John's t-shirts, went to bed an hour early (to play) and spent the night together. When Lucy was old enough to join, they all slept together. The pictures above are from 5 years ago, when often, john's t-shirts where not necessarily apart of the evening, but the hour early and the laughing and goofing around, was prominent (do you see gato, the cat, in the mix?) I have a picture somewhere, and I can't find it, of a couple of months ago, probably at the beginning of summer, and I am certain this captured the last of the "Daddy T-Shirt Nights." The allure has waned and it has still been Perry rallying his brother and sister into just "One more Daddy's T-Shirt Night." About a year or so ago, Simon was the first one to say no to this group get together and Lucy at times, came out of whatever room they took over, saying her brothers were mean to her and she was sleeping in her own bed. The innocent laughter and goofy-ness had been replaced by a specific agenda of how the night would go. This is a tradition that I sadly say good-bye too. It was unique to our family, we called it our own and actually, John and I got an extra hour to spend together each Friday night as the kids went down early.

Perry: growing, growing, growing in all capacities - but what teenager doesn't. I sat in the living room this morning with my coffee while all slept. I recited in my head the "I'll Love You Forever" book. I think i know it by heart and began to cry.

The boy grew. He grew and he grew and he grew. He grew until he was a teenager. He had strange friends and he wore strange clothes and he listened to strange music. Sometimes the mother felt like she was in a zoo!

But at night time, when that teenager was asleep, the mother opened the door to his room, crawled across the floor and looked up over the side of the bed. If he was really asleep she picked up that great big boy and rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. While she rocked him she sang:

I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living
my baby you'll be.

This is our journey.

Lucy: I am worried. If brave enough, i will be researching and actively seeking advise on some form of pediatric anxiety or panic disorder. She has many signs and I am quite hesitant for I am sure it will lead to some type of drug regime. Perhaps it is our relationship - but i see this in other avenues as well. I wish only success for my baby --- success in her world. Trembling, shaken and uncertain at this time. But as always, she has my back. She is alert, cognizant, often times a 'know it all' and at times, throws me these glances akin to, "Mom, can you believe these guys? and we have to *live* with them?"

Sidney: cute story to share about this boy sharing his 18 month of glorious adventure. Last week, he was playing on the keyboard. He began to slam down on the keys. I told him know and approached him to closely monitor this. he looked at me, lifted his arms slowly up in the air and slammed them down on the keys, looking at me through this exercise in "What will she really do?" I sternly said no again, turned off the keyboard, walked away and sat on the ground. He very cautiously turned toward me, and walked in my direction with his head hung low. "Ma-ma.....Ma-ma," he quietly repeated as he approached me. "Ma-ma," almost whispering. He comes up to me, nuzzles his head up against mine, begins to pat me on the back and puckers his lips and makes his kissing noises that he makes when wanting us to kiss him. "Ma-ma," he repeated, still patting my back and kissing me all the while.

okay - time to plan. that is why i am here. wish me luck.

Among Other Things

this past week was supposed to be our first week of school. It barely happened and in a blink, it was already Friday.

Typically, during the month of August, I slowly break myself in. I visit one coffee shop after the next; laptop on table, books surround, music in my ears and I scope out the year: goals, curriculum, sequence, outcomes, bullet points and agendas. I visit book stores to load up on read alouds, thematic works, artful prose and inspiring authors. I flip through pages on the net, looking for that "I have to have it" find...order it and await it's arrival. i book field trips and all aspects of education click and fit together. September - May has a 'look' to it. I look forward to this time, to break away and find the passion that had flickered out by the last day of school. I look forward to that "First Day" of school excitement that I plan out and present to the kids.

I have not visited any coffee shops, a book store, once; and quickly - in fast paced thought, bought some CDs online, simply because I did not have the time to go out and buy it first hand.

August came in quickly and left without even saying good bye.

As soon as Perry started school, i thought i would at least have that one last week to get settled in a quasi fashion - but there has been no down time. I settled into a quiet day last Friday and did nothing (for a change - i even found myself taking in an afternoon nap. I needed this time. In retrospect, it was my only alone time I had had since the middle of august. I reveled in Sidney's nap on this day).

We began Monday with a breakfast out to a bagel shop (kids request) and followed by a visit to church to 'check in' with the newly hired children's ministry director (I am on the CM committee). The three kids played downstairs while i helped out with Children's Ministry and assumed the role of getting our Sunday School program off and running by the 19th of this month. 5 rotating stations, filled with curriculum. So, Monday was a wash. we came home, looked through our school boxes, talked about what we would like to accomplish this year and called it a day. Tuesday I was back at church - but only after I put Sidney down for his nap and read aloud our first book of the year --- something I picked up last year and has absolutely nothing to do with our current study (although, there *is* no current study). Wednesday, we had dentist appointments, church, errands to run for Thursday and choir. Thursday was piano lessons and getting ready for later that night. Thursday evening was our first homeschool meeting of the year --- this was all planned, organized, and executed by yours truly - so when i wasn't running around planning church things, i was trying to fit in time to get an agenda together and all the paper work that needed to be organized for Thursday's meeting. Also, because we were hosting it at All Saints Church (my church), i took it upon myself to decorate the very bland church room that we were assigned. more running - but what a welcoming site when these women entered. Thursday came and went and Friday was Simon's pre-op in the morning and Perry's cross country meet and banquet in the afternoon/evening. This weekend opened up with a father in law coming to visit for two days, a child who had piano at 11:15, another child who had a soccer game at one park at 11:15 and a third child who had yet another game at 11:15 at a different park. Upon arriving back at home by 12:30, I put sidney down for his nap, packed up my blue plastic bin of stuff and headed back to church to design and put together a prayer station for tomorrow morning's rally day (the congregation will enter in a made up room of Jesus' home. I designed His living room/dining room with a sign (our rally motto) "Come, Taste and See." It looks lovely. Sunday - rally day. I will be there all day. Monday will come and it will be Simon's surgery. Tuesday, a play date. Wednesday, Photography class with grandma and grandpa....THANK YOU grandma and grandpa. This will be the highlight of the week, confirmation class, choir class and the new W.O.W Wednesdays at church from 5:30 - 6:30. Friday begins homeschool gym - close to 30 families have signed up for this gym class in which I lead.

This is not a bragging post - but an introspection into my life at the moment. I can't breath! Literally, I can not take in deep breaths and when the stress is higher than usual (when i went to church and figured that no one was paying attention to next week's Sunday school), i almost passed out. with each passing activity (mhea meeting, station being completed, rally day put together....), I find that i am able to take in breaths on a more regular basis. But until I have something concrete in front of me in regards to my children's education - i'm afraid that I will continue to be short of breath.

You say, "Katie, learn to say no." That's not the point.
1. MHEA - We are a board of 7. Each one has a job. Mine is to be the director. That is *my* responsibility. It is fine throughout the year. it just happened to come up in the midst of stuff.

2. Sunday School: This was an "I stumbled upon it while trying to help scenario, She has her own overwhelming moment and in trying to help, i .....well, there is no finishing that sentence.

3. Homeschool Gym: again, a no brainer. It would be a piece of cake if i had had time - but like I said, August was in need of my attention in other facets rather than school.

So, this will be an interesting year. I have said in the past - my biggest obstacle will be working around Sidney and his needs and his own goals. But, presently, my only obstacle is me.

As my friends talk about their first weeks or the curriculum they have bought and planned or the field trips they have signed up for - i can say with confidence, "I think my kids will like the read aloud that i bought last January."

Deep Breath......and I mean it this time.