When All is Quiet....

When all is quiet...i search for words
When all is quiet...I yearn to write
When all is quiet...i look within ---- deep within
When all is quiet...my labored breathing finds rest
When all is quiet...i find placement within my ending
When all is quiet...i transpire and turn
When all is quiet...noise becomes profound
When all is quiet...the speck of existence unravels
When all is quiet...the wholeness of being pixelates
When all is quiet...i am here

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Here i am.

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I am in need of writing something.  I need to find words.  I believe i have them, but the transformation from thought to word is not fluid; and hence i choose not.

I am hesitant in my words this evening, I am hesitant of my naiveté

I am cognizant yet undermined by my lack thereof

I am in awe of surrounding beauty, kindness and innocence.

I am now filling the quiet with uplifting noise ~~~ the front door opens, the children run up the stairs, take off their jackets from the cold and begin their story of this evening.

Thanks for listening

written from the office of katie avenson

I am sitting in my new office.  it is still in transition - but it is almost complete.  soon, drawers will be filled with files that have taken up residence in my closet.  I will have a new chair to sit on, instead of an exercise ball.  I can spread out my work on a hard desk and not take up the dining table, the couch or my bed.

The coolest thing about this office space is that this is where I will begin the chapters of my book.  This excites me.  Just to be down here in this 'space' that is mine makes me happy and i feel so grown up :)  I actually got to hit 'print' from my lap top and the printer turned right on.  I didn't have to travel from one room to the next, hook it up, wait.  so executive!

there isn't much significance to this post, but maybe a time marker as to when i shall begin.  hopefully there will be progress.

To my right is the boys Lego room.  It is divided by the other side of a partner desk.  They have divided the large desk with a Lego border...i am thinking a nice funky curtain for when those moments of, "I need to space myself from you" occur.

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why is there a line?

i guess it is symbolic of thoughts not read or reached.  I wish i had the simplicity of mind to talk about trivial matters.  Perhaps I do.  I think it comes down to my own choice, but also being married to one, who always chooses his words and discussions carefully that I, too, have grown into that a bit.

so, that line i guess is really bothering me.  A line that is separating a tangent of excited outlook to something that grounds me in a complicated way.  I am an Eeyore, looking to be more like Pooh.  this is not a compliment to self.  I yearn for purpose.

2012 Goals:
1. begin book
2. take a trip on my own - whether it be san fran or paris --- still in the works at this time
3. find moments of frivolity
4. connect with those who offer authenticity and remind me of the joy i share with them
5. try not to see myself as getting old (this will be tough, as i turn 44 in a matter of weeks)
6. get in shape: enough so that i don't have to buy pants that go up to my belly button (sign of old age).
7. figure out what is important to me - list it and live it
8. take advantage of kids being home - take them out more often with me.  at LEAST 4 times each before the dawn of a new year.  Today, sidney and i went to office max together...there....one down!
9. fill in the blanks
10. i don't want to say, "take time for me."  this is bogus.  we all find time just for ourselves.  I think what will be important to me this year is to take time to define my boundaries, and even harder, will be to stay within those boundaries.

side story:
This goes with the Eeyore wanting to be pooh bear and it bubbled within the mindset.   When i was teaching, I had on the schedule, SASTR.  This stood for Stop And Smell The Roses.  This was a time for my class of 25 or so students to have some productive down time (is that possible).  I would set in place art stations, poetry stations, picture viewing time, puzzles, science station, and even had the kids work on independent projects of their own agenda -- etc.  About 3 times a week, every student had that time to stop what we were doing and take a moment to relax, ponder, think outside the proverbial box.  It was excellent in theory and many students thrived during SASTR time.  They would eat up that Right Brain time.  i knew this was good.  But, I hated it.  during those times, I would nod over the to teacher aide or parent helper, tap my coffee cup and take off for up to  10 minutes to the teacher lounge.  I loved the end result, i just didn't like being involved in it.  The same would happen when the art teacher came in to teach a lesson.  I would hang out, be hands on, but when the 'creativity' got too much for me :), i would take a nice stroll through the elementary halls.

So, what does this say about my personality.

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a longer post than i had intended.

Goal for 2012:  find the pooh bear within me.  I have read the Tao of Pooh twice throughout these years and it leaves me hanging for attainment.

as always,
thanks for listening.
katie

19 Years

IMG_6060, a photo by katieavenson on Flickr.

Sunday, January 8th.

New Year's Eve

mail-2, a photo by katieavenson on Flickr.

The 5 of us were playing Pictionary when the snow began to fall in large amazing flakes. The kids quickly got their shoes on and went out to catch snowflakes on their tongues.

New Years Day

mail-1, a photo by katieavenson on Flickr.

After a beautiful evening of snow fall - Sidney wanted to make sure his bus was in on the action.

Peek-A-Boo

mail, a photo by katieavenson on Flickr.

Sidney playing pick-a-boo. He still thinks that i can't see him.

Perry Snowboarding

IMG_6046, a photo by katieavenson on Flickr.

Perry snowboarded on a play area and i caught him going over this snow wave thing

Goodbye Christmas

IMG_6017, a photo by katieavenson on Flickr.

Time to take down the tree and get it out of the house --- the easiest and most convenient way

in Continuation

Yesterday afternoon, I was cleaning up our home mudroom.  It wasn't anything horrific - an easy pick up and then mopping of the floors.  The 14 year old comes down and in exasperation, states, 'Don't clean this up, this is what I am going to do for money tomorrow!"  I continue on, as I wanted to get it out of the way and i was not in the mood to wait for his when and how.   Today, late morning, I am vacuuming up the sunroom - as no one did it yesterday.  From the downstairs playroom, he marches on up, opens the door and states, "Don't vacuum this room, this is what I am going to do today to earn money for skiing."

I finish up my job and wait around - as he pranced back downstairs to work on his latest lego design.  An hour slips by, I take the liberty of folding the clothes, cleaning up breakfast dishes and dust.  12:00 roles around and he comes back upstairs with his proposed check list of chores for the day.  He was a taken aback that many of them were already done.

I quickly call a family meeting -for this whole week as been one excuse after the next as to why the three of them can not do their intended chores.  My voice raises as i explain to them the value of budgeting and prove to them that their father doesn't get to go to work on Monday and bring home money Monday evening.  Or he doesn't get to go in on Tuesday and decide to work extra hard for just a little bit more cash.  I had already instructed that 'pay day' is every other week and they have to budget their money.  They look at me as if I was crazy.  the 14 year old asks how is he supposed to go skiing tomorrow if he can't earn money today. I told them all that their mother has a compassionate heart and because she does (and because they seem to take advantage of this from time to time), I was willing to let them work today for money for tomorrow.
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Music lessons; we have two pianists and one guitarist.  75.00 a week goes out for this privilege.  The expectation from teacher and parent is that practice is 5 days a week for 30 minutes.  that has been a standard for quite some time.  This past week, the dad says, "You have not been practicing.  If this is important to you, you will find a way.  If you do not find time to practice, you will be paying for your next up coming lesson."  Present consequence: the two piano players will need to show up to class tomorrow with 25.00.  The 10 year old always has a stash of cash and this didn't' seem to phase her.  the 12 year old needs to figure out a way to earn 25.00.

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After conversation with the kids, I tell them that I am going to go take an hour to myself and jokingly tell them that I was going to go figure out a fool proof plan for chores in this family.  We generally discuss what would be a good plan and I leave on a high note with them.  We were laughing, I hugged them, told them that I love them and said i would be back in an hour and as i was closing the door behind me, I loudly said, 'Use this time wisely."

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3:40pm.  I have been home for an hour and a half.  the 14 year old has done some chores, but i have not inspected them.  When i came home, he was desensitizing all the door handles and when he finished he came to me and said, "When you were gone, i looked on line for high paying chore jobs and cleaning the door handles pays out 5.00."  To which i replied, "And who's family did this come from? ... Not yours"

The 12 and 10 year old were happily having lunch.  As I conversed with them, I asked lightly, "So, what did you did during this hour to be productive?"  "We read." came the unison answer.

3:42: 12 year old and 14 year old are outside with friends and will soon be going to the park.  10 year old is now asking if i can play a game of cards with her.

I told their father this morning that all this is going to rest with him when he gets home.  Tonight, we will have a family meeting and one more chore system will be put into place.  I have tried way too many and none seem to be successful. any ideas?

ongoing
thanks