It's Quiet Now...and what it brings is everything

The airliner above begins to descend into the Minneapolis Airport. A child breaks the silence with her dry cough. The coffee steams to the left. I sit in the furthest corner of this house, distinctly surrounded by windows. Both hands comb through this head of hair, expecting inspiration.


The plane will land and passengers will scatter with significant momentum.


What is my significant momentum?


Life is relative. This is a boring sentence and excusable at times, but undeniably true. It is hard to focus and yet, your conscience knows the steps in front of you. Life takes a claim on you - scooping you up in its timely breeze. Each of us with our own story - looking to our beginning as we struggle and strive to find our end.

Sometimes you fight the ride and your heart beats with yearning. However, and far too often, we let tomorrow gain speed on us and simply wait in compliance.


Another airliner passes over head. Passengers will soon be told to adjust their seat trays and sit in the upright position.


My 'lost in the moment' presence finds me where it always is...what i know...mothering to four. The children are physically and emotionally scattered...consequently, so is their mother. Each demonstrate with patience, a weighty intention.


My oldest is struggling. Perry is struggling; or is it me? As I cuddle and rock the 14th month old and read Miss Spider's something or other, I sense the shift in scale. It is Perry's time. He is the tilting the scale and my efforts are falling short. Not seeing a solution to balance.


A scratch of the head, a readjustment on the chair and another sip of coffee - now luke warm.


We are at the screaming genesis of teenage-dom, but i must address the questionable caveat. Perry enters into this realm with an irrefutable strength of character. He is already 'heard' in this family. What is the process? The world turns his axis on end and he does not have the humility or ability to accept the change.

Another evening flight is heard overhead. Passengers shift, look through their bags, check their surroundings, gather belonging and garnish energy to begin.

I recently told a friend, "I'm through with Perry." She replied something to the affect, "I didn't know we had those cards. Can you give me your 'I'm through with you' card when you are done?"

My body responds- kinked neck, tense back, exhausted evenings.


The airliner makes it's decent - the fourth one this evening. Each passenger takes a deep breath, unbuckles their belts and disembarks from the journey.


Lost in this moment. Focused on this moment. Looking for balance.

Thanks for listening

peace will come to me

OPENING DAY

Today is Opening Day for the Minnesota Twins Baseball Team. It is historic!

Historic: In the simple sense of the word, this day will be noted as a unique and exhilarating experience shared by the community that has been years in the making.

Today, I do not share within the 'completeness' of this story. I am not an avid baseball fan, nor is my family. We enjoy the game and take it for what it is. We love going to games, we love the excitement, but, ask me who plays third???

Today is HISTORIC in the Avenson family. For over 5 years (it has been longer, of course, but 5 years of complete involvement from my husband) we have seen history in the making - we have endured history in the making, we have agonized, suffered, been battered and enveloped history in the making.

My husband is busy. He always has been and I have always been one of those wives that can say in small company, "Oh, my husband works a lot."

4 or 5 years ago (I can not remember), John was made a VP with the Twins organization. He came home with question upon his face as he relayed the message from his counterpart. "He said to prepare myself to be even busier than I am now. How can I possibly add more to my plate?" As a naive couple, we laughed at this as we drank our wine...joking about what it might look like to be busier. I laugh now, because although we assumed john's plate was full, we were sorely mislead.

Today is HISTORIC i tell you! John's baby (and he shares this with so many other people) is alive and kicking. From the Golden Shovel ground breaking (I remember storming out of the reception afterwards because john --- just new to all this--- was 'working' the room and I was not accustomed at that time to sharing him), to the first bulldozer on the soil, to the yellow hardhat that says, "Avenson" on it,to the 2am beginning work days that he did on sooo many occasions, to the 11pm pulling into the driveway, to Target Field blue prints taking up space on our table, our bed, our couch, our bar, to countless ringings of the cell phone, to move in day to today.

Yes, it is a historic day. I do not refer to the Twins Baseball players, I refer to the man who, with complete support from his wife, has knowingly had to put his family life on hold for these past 5 years. The absence of daddy from the dinner table, the question of what state was daddy in today and what ballpark was he visiting, the "When will daddy ever be home?" questions from his children, the many, many, many activities and outings i have had to cancel due to his time at work.

I digress: John also heads up his children's Chess Club group and leads it weekly at 8am. When he does come home, he is downstairs playing legos with the kids. Our remodel is not yet complete, because there is a need with the kids that is in constant fill mode that he tries his best to fill. When he is home, he is a great father.

The season will still be busy - we know that. Our schedule revolves around the Twins baseball schedule. BUT, after the season is over or when the Twins are on the road, Daddy will be home.

TODAY IS HISTORIC!!! He made it. AND...so did we.
thanks for listening.

Normal Post

I thought i would actually prove to people i can write in normal sentences and tell about life's mundane structure.....mundane is simply fine.

So, as a mother of 4 that blogs; i thought i would do what every mother is proud to do -- brag about her children as they play out in the day to day

Perry: Has discovered his way -- meaning, he has figured out his system and how to manipulate it well. To reiterate; Perry's nickname as a toddler was "Le Saboteur" as he would sum up the situation and figure out a way to get what he wanted. I often thought this talent would lead him into a court room as a defense lawyer...but he has too many other talents in need of addressing and perfecting. I digress: perry's grades have slipped this quarter - he is currently at a 3.5 gpa (yes, this is still great), but knowing Perry and what he is capable of, he clearly had a control over his 3.5 gpa this quarter. He knew full well what he was up against and consciously made decisions. I don't think i had this forethought at his age, nor the guts to call my own shots like he has done all through this life. The toughest job I have in all this is not directing him down the correct pathway (he already has that), I need to encourage him to make it to where he needs to be and not be happy with the park bench that sits in the middle -- this always brings me question.

Simon: This middle son of mine has a maturity and an emotional IQ I can not touch. He is .... he is a living declaration of how God makes us all so unique and gifted. I believe because of this; life is harder for him than his older, more solid brother. He and I are connected through our personality, or grip of sarcasm and slanted takes on life. I share in laughter with him every day...every single day. This is how we bond.... and I hope this will not also cause division in us when he is older and trying to find his way. I am not sure he knows which path to take, for each one will have it's advantages, it alluring details and he will want to attemp to fill in the connected gaps. At 11 years of age, he holds a multi leveled view on life. I am in awe.

Lucy: Lucy is her Daddy's clone. It is fun to see this little 8 year old mimic her older counterpart in so many fashions. Of course, her social abilities are stronger than her father's; but her meticulous nature, her passion for detail, her exquisite choice of word, and her calmness of plan are simply his. She is venturing out of her skin each summer and I am in anticipation to see what these months of sun and warmth will bring. She is of strong character and has been the second she took her first breath -- solid in who she is, her expectations of herself, and her self actualized needs. Again, at this age, i'm sure i was barely aware if my shoes were on the right feet. Lucy exhibits a control over her person that is really cool to see. Of course, she loses it from time to time and spouts off as any growing 8 year old will do. Again -- she is my third child and with the other two, I revel in the thought of her future.

Sidney: the boy is learning to walk!! If i were to measure my accomplishments this past year, the list would be relatively short and honestly, boring. On the contrary, Sidney's list would be one of standing ovation. To name a few: Roll over, hold his head up, sit up, crawl, grab, eat solid foods, understand his name, detach to become slightly more of independent means, communicate his wants, and find his laugh. He continually brings attention to himself and strangers stop to connect with this blond haired babe (not me)! He has felt his first tree branch, his bare feet have walked on grass, felt cool breezes on his face and he has squinted his eyes due to the bright sun. He is our littlest one but has required that we all out forth just a bit more energy into our lives. Energy into him. he is the apex of this family.

thanks for listening to this average mom's take on her children

Sporadic Change

My mood is sporadic.

I do not envision a coming nor a going and interruptions of time, life, mood, thought and will, snake in to slither about...taunting.

Marking your territory, you slip...a momentary hand grabs within your clutch and brings you back ; but alas, it is only temporary. A simple moment of composure and it's gone until another day.

continued existence in balanced vibration

lost in the shuffle

awaiting once more for the hand ....

Church Prayer Stations

HERE I AM LORD: This was the theme of the stations this year. I had made a personalized powerpoint presention that looped continuously on our large screen with the song and lyrics. Each station also had a stanza from the song.

#1: When you first walked in, there was a baptismal font, asking you to baptize yourself and reflect upon yourself as a child of God...preparing yourself for the stations. To the direct left was the Homeless Station: Each of the passages on the white board where testimonials from homeless people who have either recieved help from our church and/or our local food shelf. The sign on the purple chair says, "Homeless and Hungry....please help" There is a shopping cart that I borrowed from our local grocery store.

"I the Lord of wind and flame, I will send the poor and lame. I will set a feast for them. My hand will save."

Station # 2: Community Mural of Thanks. I had the participants make a mural and write, and/or draw anything and everything they were thankful for or felt blessed by.

I the Lord of snow and rain. I have borne my people's pain. I have wept for love of them. They turn away.

Station #3 :On the alter, there was a "Blessing of Your Enemies"

"I will break their hearts of stone. Give them hearts for love alone. I will speak my words to them. Whom shall i send?"

At this station, the participant was led in scripture passage and asked to take a rock and reflect upon someone who is in need of thier forgiving. THey were then asked to write down the persons name on the rock, submerge it in a bowl of water and watch, as the ink from the persons name became no more. In teh same vein, they were also asked to write something they have done that needs God's forgiveness. Submerge the rock and watch it be taken away.

#4: This was behind our alter. This is where all the band equipment is stored (and there is a lot). I moved everythign out, put up the red and black screens and moved in some chairs from another part of church. This station was a 'mediation" station and there was prayer journal to write in as well as a 'prayer string' where you can write your prayer out and hang it from a clothes line. The cross represented here is one i have used in past years. People have nailed nails into this cross. It's one that John made for me when I first began creating the stations.

"Here I am Lord, is it I Lord? I have heard ou calling in the night. I will go Lord, if you lead me. I will hold your people in my heart.

Station #5:(THE LAST SUPPER) For some reason, I did not take pictures of this one. In the far corner of our church, we have a small sectioned off and private area. This is where I made the Lords Supper. The table was set as if the apostles and Jesus were just in the middle of their dinner. I made an 'audio' of conversation noises from a party to quietly play in the background. On the table, i had bread and wine with small church communion cups and invited guess to sit at the table (Jesus' seat had a read stole around it and a special chalice) and BE with Jesus during his last supper. Share communion with him and be at peace. In the background, i had coat hook with what might look like something Jesus would have worn. Candles were everywhere as well as mood lighting. Palm frawns ran down the center of the long table.

Finest bread I will provide, till their hearts be satisfied. I will give my life to them. Whom shall I send.

Station #6

Reflection

I the Lord of sea and sky. I have heard my people cry. All who dwell in dark and sin. My hand will save.

In this station, I had 5 mirrors. BTW: Each station had reflection passages written up by our church pastor. You were asked to sit in a chair, facing the mirror and look at yourself - reflecting on the title presented. Ashamed, Sinful, Failure, unlovable. Then, you made your way to another mirror, sat in the chair, looked in the mirror and written upon it was "FORGIVEN."

7 stations in all. Three days.

I will be taking some more pics soon and send them out. We were just in john's office today and it is looking VERY sparse. Plenty of wires and boxes and as lucy noted - too many remote controls (for something). He needs pictures of the kids. so, on the next sunny day, i will be taking some nice shots for his wall. These were outside yesterday -- lucy was showing sidney and i her pokemon cards...and NOT getting her picture taken.

pics of sid

A New Sign

I had to get rid of the "Im Busy Too" post...but, ironically, I have been too busy to do it :)

So, i have a moment to take advantage within the spectrum.

When John and I were younger models of ourselves, we innocently hoped upon hope and existed within a persistent alignment of (blinded) freedom.

A stolen moment:

"I am thinking it's a sign, that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images
and
when
We kiss they're perfectly aligned
And I have to speculate that God himself did make us into corresponding shapes like
puzzle pieces from the clay

They will see us waving from such great heights, 'come down now,' they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away,
'come down now,'
but we'll stay... "


And yet - the instant is gone.

we dream, we grow, we continue....

we swim, we tread, we hold our breath....

we lay our heads down within the break of a new day, and no longer take advantage.

we see eachother, the time ticks, he slips away and ....there in the window i stand

deep inside, we are confined - but in truth, want to wave our hand and cry freedom.


One day, within another blink, this time will be noted as a "younger models of ourselves." i fly in thought, will there be consequences? I ask.

At the moment, i breath....

thanks for listening