6 Months

There are too many metaphors to speak of in these past 6 months.  Too many inside jokes that have been formed simply to mark a moment in the day.  Each building atop of the next ..blanketed in strength. 

what does 6 months mean?  I'm not sure.  I am in the trenches. I am protective. I am fighting a fight. I am not letting go. I am....  I am ....not sure.

I am confused. I am disappointed. I am perplexed. I am frustrated.  I am hesitant. I am troubled. I am questionable. I am disgusted. I am tired. I am exhausted. I am striving. I am lost. I am emotional. I am fragile. I am weakened. I am on my knees. I am weary. I am struggling.

I am isolated.

I am......
I am honored. I am fulfilled. I am rewarded. I am energized. I am at peace. I am pulling. I am pushing. I am guiding. I am listening. I am reaching out. I am sacrificing. I am here. I am still. I am active. I am bold. I am brazen. I am directive. I am leading. I am following. I am quiet. I am loud. I am silent. I am present. I am hopeful. I am confident. I am trust. I am love. I am loyal. I am laughter. I am strength.

I am.....

I am perseverance

These past (soon to be) six months have not been all encompassing. I feel i share in this life as I would a newborn child.  A being that takes up all time; but the capacity to love, thrive and continue with all additional aspects of one's life are all still there and available. It is when I stop or I slow down - (and for those of you who truly know me, you know that my physical body is always on the move) that I am able to give complete concentration to my day and this 6 month old experience takes hold.  I've often thought of seeking out my own grief counselor.  Wouldn't *that* look funny. 

I have told her that one day, she and I will be on a book tour circuit.  She will be the voice of reason and eloquently speak of her days gone by.  I will be to her right, with my fancy pen, signing the covers of my first  book, "Scrambled Eggs and Wrinkle Cream"

Thanks for listening