Is failing okay

This morning, John, Perry and I went to West Jr. High to meet with a school counselor. The standard questions were asked and routine answers were given; along with poster board tour of school. My oldest son has expressed interest in branching out of the small homeschool circuit; and it is small - unfortunately.

As I have put my 'best foot' forward, i have back stepped too. This circuitous dance of days has left my son wanting more than I can give. He has grown tiresome of his two younger siblings day in and day out (for some reason, there has been little to no interaction this year with other homeschooled kids. People kept to themselves and play dates have been close to non-existent). My children thrive on peer relations and there have been too many times that the three of them pined for the 3:45 hour when the school bus came home and they could join their friends in neighborhood fodder.

We are fortunate enough to have a large population of kids in this neighborhood. Most have grown up together from toddler hood forward. Now the separation of lives and personalities is making growing harder.

So, have I failed my oldest son? Like the Giving Tree, i have given what i can for what he has asked and now all i can offer is my quiet arms, my listening ear and my infinite support. He is branching out in all aspects and academically, I can not offer him the variety of woodworking shop, technology class, world language, and science....i have researched this topic exclusively and there is nothing that fits my philosophy and i don't agree that science is sitting and reading one chapter after the next and taking a test at the end of the day. It is experimental and transitional and a 'kitchen kit' won't do justice.

I feel i have let him down - in a gentle fall, he leaves me and walks in the opposite direction. he is growing - mind, body and soul.

we will see how the days unfold and which decisions are made.

my eyes search the room as if looking for answers and piece of mind, but i am void of both. at the moment, i am captivated my him and what is best. i do not want to fail him again. He possess a quiet and intimidating soul and he leaves me with more concern than grounding.

my insides are beginning to crack with anxiousness.