Crawling Back

I am slowly crawling back and making my way with peace. With my hand upon my belly, my son signals his awakening. This nightly ritual brings me back.

Today was the day. Of all mundane and simple of days, today was the day - November 13, 2008. My son lets me know this is really happening and somehow, unconditionally, forgives me (i hope) for all my selfish maneuvers and thoughts.

I am crawling back today from 5 months of denial, selfish thoughts and behaviors. 5 months of asking; am i ready to welcome another baby? can i handle a 4th? why is this happening? why me? concentrating on all else except a child that will be born 15 weeks from today.

Today, i over did myself. I exerted far too much and as i sit on this couch, i am physically paying the price. I am sore, i am tight and i am too cognizant of what brought me to this place.

This has to be said: i am finding love for my son. A powerful love that needs to be addressed because of absence.

Today, tonight rather, i am humbly crawling back and look ahead to a journey renewed.