Random again

So, a visit at daybook time and because it is Perry's turn, we have random music playing.

I have to say, i am in that spot. That spot that you begin to sink down into that piece of furniture and you know it is going to be a masterminded attempt to get out and upright again.

I am in that spot; thinking, what have i done?

With each question, i sink a bit deeper; although knowing it will be more difficult to get back up.
1. Am i doing right by my children?
2. Are they learning from me?
3. Is their experience of value?
4. Would they be better of elsewhere?
5. where did the fun go?
6. Are they isolated?
7. What is the way?

I have said this before; academically, my children are sound. Almost any child in a one on one environment is going to thrive. Are they thriving in everything else that is just as worthy and important? There are not daily play dates. There is not a lot of banter back and forth with classmates. There is no relationship building with classroom teachers.

I realize i am processing by selection. But I need to know if i have offered a world of opened senses...not a world of closed doors. I can not offer a classroom with children of different countries or socio-levels. I have what is only before me. I need time to think, to rearrange. When i plan for a week's lessons at 11pm the evening before; i am closed to the possibilities.

I need time. Time to figure what my first move will be on getting out of that spot.