Daybook Time

While the baby drifts off to sleep in his nice clean bedding (we have been without a washing machine for close to a week....which brings pause...technology, advancements, dependency), Lucy and I sit across eachother, listening to music and journaling for 15 minutes.  She is supposed to be writing about her perfect summer day; as we stare out the window with the rain and cloud cover. 

I will use this time to my advantage to update the Avensons

Sidney: This will be a challenging summer.  He has fallen twice in the past two days and has two separate bumps on his forehead.  He had me take his small little bike up our grass hill, he sat upon it and if I did not stop him, he would have simply rode down the hill - full speed ahead.  Seeing his brothers ripstick, he has also placed two feet upon his bike seat and tried to glide down the driveway. I have also had to search high and low for him - as he is prone to opening the deck door, closing it behind him and taking a walk around the house.  This will be a challenging summer.

Lucy: She is head strong into soccer.  We have placed her into a competitive soccer league for a number of reasons, but most of all, to get her spirit back in tact. She is in great need of claiming something for herself and having to work hard for something.  She says that practices are, "Just okay," but I have already seen a rise in confidence in her.  She walks with an encouraging step.  It will be busy, no doubt.  But, we have three months of this intense session and then we can take a break and get ready for the lessened Fall Soccer through our community ed program.

Simon: Is doing so over the top fantastically well at his school.  He auditioned for a "By Invitation Only" piano play for the Spring Arts Festival and was accepted.  He is in the gifted reading program - reading great books, completing high level assignments, and participating in Literature Circles with like minded peers. He is in the advanced math class and being challenged there as well. He is working through his recess time with some peers on a Lego Animation project to present to the class.  They are working with the Technology advisor in the school.  BUT - most importantly, he has gained trust and knowledge of who he is.  He is aligning himself with stable kids and being able to distinguish between the group he does not want to be a part of and the class of kids he wants to stand shoulder to shoulder with.  He will say things like, "The 'popular' kids just don't know who they are....i feel sorry for them."

Perry: For the very first time, he has outstanding grades mid quarter.  We have not fought once during these last 2.5 months in regards to his grades.  He even has an A- in English...the class he hates. We still go round and round with his head strong nature and his obvious disregard for his siblings from time to time.  But, we are at a good place at the moment and I am clinging to that for the time being.  He has decided to give up piano - which i am not happy about, but he wants to pursue guitar.  I can honor that.

I have been told that it is Read Aloud time. We are reading the second book of Toby Alone:  Toby and the Secrets of the Tree. A lively culture of minuture people living and surving within a tree.

In and Out.....In and Out

My kids are noticing now when I breath.  Deep breath in....exhale out.  There are days when these significant breaths are more frequent than others. 

"....I feel David’s grace.  I hear his words and his teachings through my encounters with his parishioners. They seep in me and take hold.  Deep breath in….exhale out. I stare blankly at this cursor without clear direction to take and I see you."

I have been walking a journey with a friend.  I am writing a book for her.  I will present it when a year is over and she has walked through many miles upon an uncharted road.

I think of her present and the noticed breathes come and go - in the car, walking down the hall, sitting quietly at night, typing on my keyboard.

"You give me space yet you gently push me.  Thank you!   I love you."

This is a groundbreaking relationship.  I will not fade with the meal plan. Through writings, I am visually putting together something that has been shattered...taking one deep breath in at a time.

Thank you for listening


 

and then there was one...

my days are different. I now have one school aged child home. just the two of us. The energy has shifted from one who wanted to be challenged and busy to one who would rather stay in pajamas all day and play on the IPad. Perhaps, in any sense of the word, we are in mourning. I have yet to seize the opportunity of one child. I stared off strong with stellar ideals and practices, but the excitement has waned and potential has ceased. I, too, think of staying in my pajamas all day and an effervescence has been dwindled to a mediocre fizz.

We will climb back on top, but at the moment, there is no appetite of either party. Our beginning was greatly compromised by outside responsibilities and commitments. She spent a week either in the car or at home by herself. This was my fault, but a friend was in great need and calling for my presence.

So, there is now one child. The academic schedule sits in front of her. As I write, she is supposed to be mimicking activity, but i look across and see her play with the cat and stare out the window. It is nearing the 1:00 hour and her light load should be done, my part in her day should be over - but the baby will wake, the brothers will come home, and we will still be sitting at the table working on something 'taxing' that will ultimately bring her to tears.

When and if the weather turns and welcomes our souls to the outside, we will gain momentum again. Now...it just seems too tedious at times. I wonder if i felt this way when it was just Perry and I. He and Lucy would have been the same age...4th grade. How did it work?

18 strangers

18

Today, I have to write. These moments have to take a place somewhere and they are not to be dismissed. The power of people and their willingness of generosity are exemplary and it has to be noted. Some doors close and others open and I am humbled again by possibility.

Today was the birthday for a 16 year old boy. He has been into computers for quite some time and the other evening, I could not get a word in edge wise (is that the saying?) because he went on and on about his computer. It was an outdated computer that ultimately crashes on him whenever he tries to get deep into a program. I left that evening with no particular lasting impression of his crashing computer.

Yesterday, my mind was on the inevitable celebration of his 16 years of life. This will be the first one of many spent without his father. Discussing ideas with his mom, we thought that she could give her son the job of putting YouTube videos together of his dad’s music. He would not be able to do this with his current technology – or lack thereof.
10am Sunday: I begin making phone calls and sending emails to any computer store around; asking for a significant donation. The answer was no.

1:00pm: I get this brave idea. I certainly cannot purchase a new laptop, but perhaps, with the willingness of my neighbors, something can be done. I send out an email and have the kids go door to door with flyers and talk about this awesome opportunity of a gift. “For 20.00, you can help pay for a new laptop computer for this 16 year olds birthday.” This will be a lasting gift – something he can use to ‘get away from it all’ as well as immerse himself into his father’s worship music and make it public for other’s to listen to. I sent some additional emails off to family members and close friends.

10:am Monday: Lucy and I go to Best Buy and purchase a brand lap top computer. Each of the given 20.00 added up to a nice sum of money and I was able to get it completely updated by the Geek Squad as well for half price.

10:40am: Arrive at the birthday house! Gift in hand. A lasting impression.

10:41am: My heart swells for the umpteenth time!

Transition

The little ones say good night each night, not wanting to let go of their mother's hand.  Air mattresses fill the living room and parent and child find a heightened comfort with the other.

Today was to be a day of transition.  Tonight was to be an evening of change.  The children were guided to sleep in their own beds with mother sleeping in one room and close friend in the other.  This was a step to the new normal. 

Concern of adjustment coated much of the days conversation.  Finding strength in being alone sided up within the consciousness.  How would this evening be marked?

Making phone calls to in attempts to signify this occasion, I talked to Tim from Bed Bath and Beyond.  The scenario was set and the direction was given. 

Carrying four large bags, I arrive at the doorstep of this family home.  The 5 year old tears into the first bag, grabs a green fleece throw and as he squeezes it, he exclaims, "Mom, look at this!"  Still snuggling up against his new blanket, he then opens up the next bag and pulls out what would become *his* baby blue dolphin Pet Pillow.  We go through the remainder of the bags - Pet Pillows, throws for each child, uber cool night lights that project pictures onto the ceiling and a "Flip" like video camera for the soon to be 16 year old. 

My stay was not long.  My own family awaited.  Coming home, an email and picture awaited.  The 5 year old clutching his new Pet Pillow.  I immediately called Tim and thanked him for making this all happen.  He arranged for all product to be donated.

Later, another email arrived:
All three are peacefully sleeping either lying on their pillow pet or hugging it. No crying - actually it was a very easy bedtime for everyone!



Thank you for listening to God today and blessing both me and my kids. I never dreamed the transition would be so easy tonight.

Successful transition
Thank you for listening.

Dedication

this is for a friend of mine.  Today has been an outstanding day!  There is no one like You!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlA5IDnpGhc

I Refuse

I don't want to live like I don't care


I don't want to say another empty prayer

Oh, I refuse to sit around and wait for someone else

To do what God has called me to do myself

I could choose not to move

But I refuse

Music I am listening to
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BbH0IWZL05s

The Meeting

Our paths rarely crossed.  Our language was different from the other.  A wave of the hand at times was the best we could offer the other in seconds of passing.  Our energies never synced and  thought was hardly given to this platonic existence.

Her name was called out loud and I came running. A name called so loud, it has caught me, lifted me and I have not come down - wondering where I am to land in all of this.

Somebody's life force has taken me, guided me and I am following.  My hands are open to grab hold. I am finding a new path to take.  I am astounded at the newness of potential and possibility.

thanks for listening.

Attainment

At the end of the long day, she sat on the edge of an aluminum folding chair. Her surround, now the simplicity of family, cushioned the existence as if she were to fall. Watching her, sitting upon the pedestal with mother's hands upon her shoulders, sister’s hands resting upon her knees and close family friend caressing her hair, elicited finality to the event. Her body lifed and she made the rounds to say thank you to those staying to clean up from the 500 in attendance.

"Katie stop!" came the strong voice behind me earlier that morning. I turned, set down my box of materials and embraced this friend of mine. Emotions flooded in for the first time since hearing of her husbands passing just days prior; I had set in administrative mode and organized the food for this occasion. It was just she and I standing in this hall, quiet, silent and still the hour before the church was to be filled. She talked about her gratitude of the day and the many moments of her husband speaking to her through items found. The odd preparation that led to this day and this hour. Soon, we took to our separate paths. Within an hour, my soul would be rocked and stirred and humbled; more so than it already was.

I continued - setting in place the goal...feeding all who held special honor for this man, father, friend, pastor.

The church was packed and she told me to sit among the family. They were not a big family and there was plenty of room. I sat behind her 10 year old daughter and for the hour and a half service; my eyes rarely deviated from this woman. Captivated. Awestruck. Mesmerized.

She stood tall. She sang loudly to each celebratory and praising song. She held her hands up high, repeating, "Thank you, Lord. I love you Lord. Thank you."

Her 5 year old sat in her lap, eating his Teddy Graham crackers. Her 12 year old bit his nails and cried. Her 15 year old stood tall and strong like any assuming 'man of the house' should stand and her 10 year old daughter sat with a comforting arm around her.

Tears fell but her movement and moment was present in this experience. Her faith was unshaken. Her authenticity blended my insides and left me yearning for knowledge. My songs aligned with hers. I danced and swayed with the music. I absorbed a piece of her spirit and will carry with me her momentum of faith and resolve.

I live to attain her grace.