What Matters

We are currently reading The Magician's Elephant by Kate DiCamillo. There is a character named, Hans Ickman. This quote from Hans has struck me. "It is important that you say what you mean to say. Time is too short. You must speak words that matter."

I believe in this. Speak words that matter. Interpretation....interpretation...interpretation.

Life it too short to concentrate on one's misery. Life it to short to place fleeting expectations. What matters? What matters is.....

In my memory - i wrote about a river...a river that nearly drowned my intention...a river that almost drowned my narrow interpretation of life.

I am still standing. That is what matters. My journey continues......

Sing a Simple Song

Disclaimer: It is daybook time and I will try my best to take thoughts and transpose them onto this blog while a Radio Disney CD plays in the background - picked by Lucy. The lyrics leave little to the imagination.

We all ride waves in our journey. We continuously navigate through raging waters towards a more serene and acceptable scene.

On most days, I plot the course and steer us in a successful fashion; and by days end, our expedition slows with the trickling pace of the water.

In the past few weeks, the river has clashed in buoyant animation. It's waters have been unforgiving - punishing - grueling - demanding all I have to give and it has defeated me.

Quick Report

Perry's report card:

Science ... A (97%)
Phy Ed ... A (96%)
Social Studies ... A- (89%)
English ... A- (93%)
Chorus ... A (98%)
Math ... A (94%)
German ... A (98%)

Mommy's proud meter.... A (100%)

If you twist and turn away
If you tear yourself in two again
If I could, you know, I would
If I could, I would
Let it go

Surrender
Dislocate

If I could throw thisLifeless lifeline to the wind
I'd leave this heart of clay
See you walk, walk away
Into the night
Through the rain
Into the half-light through the flame
If I could through myself
Set your spirit free
I'd lead your heart away
See you break, break away
Into the light And to the day

So let it go
And so fade away

So let it go
And so fade away

I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake
I'm not sleeping

Oh, no, no, no
I'm not sleeping
Oh, no
If they should ask well maybe they'd
Tell me what I should say
True colors fly in blue and black
Bruised silken sky and burning flag

Colours crash, collide in bloodshot eyes
If I could, you know I would
If I could, I would
Let it go

This desperation
Separation
Condemnation
Revelation

In temptation
Isolation
Desolation
Isolation

Let it go, aha
And so fade away

So let it go, aha
And so fade, fade, fade away

So let it go
And so to fade away
I'm wide awake I'm wide awake
Wide awake
I'm not sleeping Oh, no, no, no

u2

Shhh, the Baby's Sleeping

All is quiet. The bathroom fan is heard down the hall.

My thoughts:

Last night, during dinner, john and ....(officially, he is still a 'pre-teen,' but in all aspects of behavior, reaction, and mood, he *is* a full bodied teenager) had it out. It was quite entertaining, I must say.

It all stemmed from something simple - yet consciously annoying. John decided to pick the fight and tell Perry to be quiet; as he was humming during the course of his brother talking about the day. Perry stopped and in the middle of the sentence, asked if he could clear the table - we said yes. He quickly added that he wanted to be excused afterwards, and we said, no.

This did not sit right with the teenager and in full momentum, charged with words and behaviors at his dad.....and consequently, his dad fought back. The remaining audience members (kids and me) knew full well who was going to win this battle of words, wits and physicalitys but the teenager was non the wiser and continued in his quest...full speed ahead.

I sat, quietly, with legs propped up on a chair and watched the scene - oddly enough, thinking of my time with John 13 years prior; before 'said' teenager was born. The time when WE had space to have our voices heard. The time when 4 other humans didn't vacuum all existing energy from our day.

This morning, I dug up some old journals of "john and katie." Sentences like, "We ate Corn Flakes on the porch, finished the newspaper and were off on our bikes." "John and I saw a very bizarre play last night in Los Angeles; which consequently didn't start until 11:30pm." "Today, we just pulled out the futon, warmed up corn tortillas and watched movies all day long." "Last night, after dinner at the restaurant, John and I spontaneously drove up to Duluth for a weekend in a B&B. We didn't' arrive until after 11pm, but the owners left the porch light on for us." "Tonight, on the coldest night of the year, John bought me my dream car....a convertible Alpha Romeo Spider...."

Last night, i giggled inside during Perry's heated words - words that were a novice tool to him and words that will only get better with time and maturity. I laughed, and thought, "Perry, you don't know this man. You are completely unaware of who he is. And, this man, whom I have now loved for 20 years is trying to teach you how to use your words, your movements and your tone in a sophisticated manner - to only assist you later, when you need it.

'John and Katie' have filled many journal pages of our own torments, heated moments, blissful events, and entertaining days. Pages are continuously being filled with each passing day. It was fun last night to see a new set of events transpire; an inauguration of sorts into the next chapter of 'John and Katie.'

Lull to the Day

There is a lull to my day. It is evident. Chai tea warms in the microwave, the baby is asleep, the kids have friends over and are occupied. I sit within a vacuous bubble of peace...moving within an ideal state, cognizant of it's delicate condition.

The microwave dings.

I think of the dress; the dress everyone admires in the store and remarks, "This would be a perfect dress to wear at a garden party." The garden party never comes. It doesn't exist; and you are now stuck with the dress. This time, this condition of presence is the garden party...I grasp at the exclusivity.

I think of the books I buy, the romantic beginnings of sitting on a couch, 'curled up with a good book.' The couch is jumbled by legos and diapers and the 'good books' get shifted from one dusty table to the next.

There is a lull to my day and anything is possible. I begin to plan curriculum for the following week - grabbing books, paper, pens and computer. I stop, set the books at rest, fill the fireplace with logs and make a chai tea....for the tide is out and there is ample room to move, roam, and see. Soon, a multiple of influences will begin a roll of the waters.

If I don't move fast...i may be be washed away.

88.5

88.5 fm is a public jazz station in Minneapolis. I thought of this as I glanced down at the spedometor when pulling into our driveway last night at 9:30pm. I had been in the car most of the day and had traveled 88.5 miles round trip.

The morning began quietly. 6:15, sitting with my coffee, a homemade waffle and my 12 year old son; yawning and waking up as he ate his breakfast. The conversaton was quiet as we both took in the other.

By 9:30, we were in full swing. The remaining family members (simon, lucy, sidney and me) piled into the car and headed off to TEACH for Simon's writing class. the class ended at 11:00. We were able to get into the car (it was pouring rain by this time) and feed and quiet down Sidney. We then made our way to the Arboretum, where we were to be participants in a Mother Earth class 12:00 - 2:00. During this time, Lucy began to feel a bit funky. I pulled her out and gave her some medicine. During the class, Sidney and I traversed the halls as well as escaped to the bathroom, for some oddly positioned nursing moments.

At 1:40, I pulled the kids out of class. We ran to the car in the rain and we were off to art class. This is a parent led art class that meets every Tuesday. One of these weeks, I will have to do my part and teach a lesson. We made a bee line to McDonalds for lunch. The last time we had McDonalds was when i was 4 or 5 months pregnant when I went through an odd craving for fast food. I ate a lot at Arbys during those months.... and hence, so did the kids.

Made it to class shortly after 2pm - dropped off the kids and went back to a close gas station to get Lucy some cough drops. Sidney was asleep by this time. Treated myself to a Caribou Latte.

Kids made "leaf' bowls out of cement and will paint them next week.

3:00 - told simon and lucy to clean up, as we were in need of picking up Perry.

3:20: met perry at his bus stop and took off for down town. Minnesota Twins vs Detroit Tigers. This was the playoff game for Central Division Champs (Twins won by the way).

3:50: Text onto my Facebook status that we were STUCK in traffic downtown and would be missing the first pitch.

4:10: Pulled into Dome parking lot. Put Sidney in front pouch/sling thing and the kids and I took off to the game.

We arrived home at 9:30pm. our day was done. 88.5 miles.

Delete

so, i deleted my last post. too much complaining. never gets you anywhere. no need to have it on there.

and so it goes