when you are not in control

I have to type fast for i am on the clock.

today, when i awakened; i had an agenda in mind....my agenda. items that needed to be addressed and completed in the fashion for which i had arranged. many moments, i am at peace being a mother of 4. I am grateful. I am content.

Today, however, i simply want to be me. i want to get my list done and i don't want to have any interference. I don't want to have to stop typing to tell two of my children to stop bouncing the ball in the sunroom. I shouldn't need to look across my shoulder and tersely remark, "He had the ball first, give it to him and leave him alone and get off eachother!"

I want to get my house clean, i want to get food in my cupboard, i want to brush my teeth over a clean sink - but instead, i am putting up a christmas tree and taking down decorations that kids have already put up being that they have investigated the *christmas box*. I want the phone to stop ringing. I want to listen to my shows on MPR. I want playdates to not interfere with "my" time. and yet...."HEY! Stop slapping your brother!" and yet, i need to stop typing because my infant is about to put a fake pine in his mouth.